


You changed My life

by MissFlake



Category: Rammstein
Genre: F/M, Fanfiction, M/M, Rammstein - Freeform, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 10:59:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 54
Words: 78,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissFlake/pseuds/MissFlake
Summary: Jimaima Carter, a young American girl aged 18, finds herself kidnapped by a mysterious young brown called Emil, but the police saves her.After an argument, she ran away from home and her stepfather took her under his protection. A new life begins for Jim and, gradually, she will start to discover lots of secrets about her new friends... And above all, the secret that Carter hid for years...Between kidnap, love, family, betrayal, friendship and secrets... how will become the girl's life? And what fate will await her?To discover all this, AND EVEN MORE, it only takes to read this fanfiction entitled"You changed My life"The characters belong to themselves, I'm just playing with them... and I'm not going to mention it in every chapter!!





	1. Prologue: It's the Beginning

**-Dad, can I retire from the table? I ask the daron of the house. I'm not hungry anymore.  
  
-But you haven't- Exclaims the darone.  
  
-Let her go... Cuts off my father coldly then says to me, nicely.** **You can reach your room but avoid making too much noise with the guitar.**  
  
  
I get up from my chair and then bypass the table and smack a kiss on my father's cheek and then turn back to my mother to kiss her but she turns her head away. I contemplate her, not understanding what's the matter but the look of Daniel, my brother, make me understand that I should reach my room without protest.  
  
  
After a final "good night" launched to Gabriel, my father, I go straight to my room and decide to put myself in pajamas. I put on the green and silver one of Slytherin and look in the mirror.  
  
**  
****-I am brunette, have semi-long brown hair, chocolate brown eyes and sexy forms where needed.** **I comment contemplating the reflection. Okay, I'm actually too thin, and look like slender-man.**  
  
  
The last comment make me laugh, remembering the last discussion with a friend of mine on "Wattpad". She told me that she hates stories where the heroine makes two pages of physical description, just in the prologue.  
  
  
********-I used to wear glasses in the past but now I changed them into contact lenses.** **I add, looking at myself.****  
  
  
I show my tongue to the reflection on the mirror, then turn around and head to my big table. I pick up my ESP RZK II (which trails alongside CDs of my rock band). It's been awhile that I haven't played, so I sit comfortably on my bed and stroke the strings.

**  
** **-Jimaima, can I come in? Asks my mother's voice, Samantha.**

**-Yes, sure... I respond, putting my guitar down.**

  
She comes in and apologizes for her behavior earlier on the table. I assure her that I am not furious against her, but at the same time I don't feel comfortable with the expression displayed on her face.

  
After -the blonde who i weirdly don't look alike- left the room, I take the tablet that I offered to myself after the phenomenal sales of our second album. While I have never held a "diary", I decided to write on this tablet.

  
Time passes and I tell it all about me, my family, my five best friends and their boy-friends. But also... my favorite rock group.

  
_"My father is the director of the famous company Carter Corporation and there works my older brother Daniel in something that I don't understand at all. My mother is a manager in a private school. Luxury Life? No... My father had taught us well to be satisfied with just little "_

_  
"My five girl friends, the Ramm-Girls, come from different countries and it's the love of Rammstein that had brought us together during a concert in France. They are a bit crazy but I still like them. Two of them_ _have boy-friends but the others are single "_

  
**-Now My favorite rock band !!** **I exclaim excitedly.**

 

_"Between us, I'm a big fan of the industrial rock band, I named Rammstein. Also, I have not a single idol, like all girls, but I rather like three of_ _them; Paul _Heiko_ Landers , Christoph Doom Schneider and Richard Z. Kruspe "_

_  
_ _"Besides, tomorrow they will do a meeting in a small library to sign CDs and a new poster of them. I'm too excited to meet them and finally talk to them"_

  
I feel my eyelids grow heavy increasingly as time passes and when I look at the time on my phone, I discover it's late.

 

_"I have to leave you dear diary, because I have to sleep to get up early tomorrow because yes, tomorrow I will meet Rammstein..."_

_See you soon..."_

  
After these words, I put the tablet in my bag and take off my lenses. I lie under the covers and think about the day that follows. I'm very excited that I sink gradually into the arms of Morpheus without realizing it.

  
Hopefully tomorrow will be a beautiful day...

  
_**to be continued...** _


	2. Meeting the Band

**-Jim! It is 09 am, wake up! Calls a distant voice.  
  
-Let me sleep, it's the weekend and I'm completely exhausted... I respond, pulling the duvet over my head.  
  
-You can sleep as you want, but let me point out that you're going to miss your group's meeting.** **Says a sarcastic voice, and I recognize it to be that of Daniel.**  
  
  
I wake with a spirt and throw the covers at the foot of the bed. I rush to the bathroom, in front my big brother's amusement.  
  
 **  
** **-You'll have to thank me, Jim. He mocks. I will think of what you-  
  
-Don't you have work in the Corporation? I cut off, back toward him on the doorstep. I thought my father was going to show you your new office.  
  
-Shit ! He swears between his teeth. I completely forgot it... Well, I'll see you tonight and we'll make our account.  
  
** **-Yes that's right... I say, closing the door.**  
  
  
I get under the shower and think how much I've my head elsewhere. How could I have forgotten that today is the one I've wait so long? The day I'll finally meet my favorite rock band!  
  
  
I take a quick shower, and then look in my closet for comfortable clothing. I put on a tank top, jeans and sneakers. I dry my hair and then put a slight makeup.  
  
  
Once ready, I rush down the stairs, four at a time, into the kitchen. I find my mother preparing pancakes while watching her favorite cooking show.  
  
  
 **-Good morning 'mum! I say, kissing her on the forehead.  
  
-Good morning my angel, do you want some pancakes?  
  
-Yes, but I have to finish quickly. I reply then sit down, but ask her in wonder: Where's Danny?  
  
-He took the car and went quickly to the business, why? She looks at me with concern in her eyes.  
  
** **-He Promised to take me to the meeting, but never mind I'll take the bus.**  
  
  
I pour a cup of hot tea and quickly finish my breakfast. I go back to my room to get my bag and my jacket and then get down.  
  
  
 **-I think I should go now to not be late, you know? I say to my mother.  
  
-Well, say hello to them from me.** **She smiles.**  
  
  
I kiss her cheek, then leave the house and go to the nearest bus stop to home. I'm very excited and my heart's pounding.  
  
  
The bus arrives, I get in and take my place back then put my headphones and select a song of Rammstein by chance. The choice falls on _"Rammlied"_  
  
  


 _Wer wartet mit Besonnenheit  
Der wird belohnt zur rechten Zeit  
  
Nun, das Warten hat ein Ende  
Leiht euer Ohr einer Legende.  
  
  
_ _Ramm-Stein!  
  
  
Manche führen, manche folgen  
Herz und Seele, Hand in Hand_  
 _  
Vorwärts, vorwärts, bleibt nicht stehen!  
Sinn und Form bekommen Verstand.  
_  
 _Wenn die Freude traurig macht  
keine Sterne in der Nacht._  
 _  
Bist du einsam, und allein  
Wir sind hier, schalte ein..._  
  
 __  
Ramm-Stein!  
  


Ellipse ~ Travel ~

  
I finally arrive at the small library where the meeting will take place, and find out that already the place is full by the rock band's lovers. I join the queue and wait impatiently the arrival of Rammstein.  
  
  
And then I choose another song to pass the time, the choice falls on _"Ich Will"_. I listen to it nonstop because I love it, plus it's the song that made me know and love the band, 2 years ago.  
  
  
It's not until 13 pm and half that a white limousine, with the Rammstein logo on the windows, appears in the road and stops in front of the library. I see them out and head towards us, under our applauses and our cheers...  
  
  
 ** _-RAMMSTEIN !!_ _WIR LIEBE IHR_ !! ****(RAMMSTEIN !! WE LOVE YOU !!)**  
  
  
Two hours pass (I am the last of the queue, and it's done on purpose) and I find myself finally in front of my idols. I dreamed of this moment for years and I bit my lower lip, feeling my heart miss a beat.  
  


 **-... Name? Asks a voice.  
  
-Sorry !? I say, coming back to earth. I didn't have-  
  
-I Asked for your name, miss. Answers the man politely.** **To write it on the poster.**  
  
  
I look at the person who just spoke and find that I am in front of the drummer; I named Schneider, one of my three favorites.  
  
  
 **-Ah yeah, sure! Write Jim... I answer, tapping my forehead.  
  
-Only Jim? Asks another voice that I recognize to be that of Landers.  
  
-It's that- My full name is Jimaima but I prefer Jim. I say, blushing.  
  
-It's nice as a first name.** **I think I hear **Till Lindemann** mumbling in German.  
**  
  
I look to the autographed CDs and the poster, my eyes stop on the signatures of my three favorites and I smile to them.  
  
  
 **-And hop ! The last that presents!** **Richard says pulling out a cigarette from its box.**  
  
  
I am about to leave when a voice calls me...  
  
 **-Miss, wait a minute please!**  
  
  
I turn around and see Flake Lorenz coming to me.  
  
  
 **-Would you like to take a picture with us?** **We took a habit to take pictures with the last one who makes autographs.**  
  
  
I look at him, confused...  
  
  
I never heard of this practice on the websites dedicated to this group. I shrug with indifference and decide to answer:  
  
 **-No Problem, Mr. Lorenz.**  
  
  
He gives me a smile that he wants friendly then returns to his colleagues, who are also his friends. I smile in front of the flashes of Paul's camera then greet them an get ready to leave.  
  
  
At this moment, my phone rings. I take my bag and discover that it's a call from my friend Jason.  
  
  
 **-Hi, Jase! What's up ? I wonder, responding.  
  
-Jim, would you like to come to my place, tonight? I organized a party and I beg you to come because I invited people who will interest you.  
  
-Ok!** **I'll see that with my fa-  
  
  
** I stop feeling a gun pressed against my back. I drop my cellphone and remain frozen.  
  
  
 **-Don't move, sweety. Murmurs a man's voice behind me.** **Go to the black Chevrolet there.**  
  
  
The panic starts... The guy here wants to kidnap me, I'm sure. I must do something... Anything.  
  
  
 **-Jim? Are you here my dearest?** **Asks Jason's voice, coming from the phone.**  
  
  
I take a deep breath and shout:  
 **-Help me Jason! A guy here wants to kidnap me!** **Call the pol-  
  
**  
I don't finish the words and fall to the ground after receiving a violent blow on the head...  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	3. His name is Emil

I wake up feeling my head horribly hurting. I blink several times to chase the light that is blinding me. When I start to see normally, I try to move my hands but notice that my handles are securely fastened behind my back.  
 **  
  
** **-Help !! Help me !! I scream with fear but I still don't know where I am.  
  
-You're going to shut up, yes? A voice shouts next to me.** **You'll drill my eardrums by screaming like a banshee...**  
  
  
Everything becomes clear to me and I notice that I am attached to the front seat of a car and a guy is sitting in the driver's seat.  
  
 **  
** **-Wh- Who are you? Why am I here? I ask, panicked.  
  
-It doesn't matter who I am, and you're here with me so we'll do a little trip just the two of us.  
  
-What? No way !! I scream again.** **I order that you release me immediately!**  
  
  
The guy pulls a gun from the glove box and points it right at the middle of my forehead.  
 **  
  
** **-You 're good here with me and don't give me orders, understand? Orders the man.  
**  
  
No Answer from me... my mouth is sealed by panic...  
  
  
 **-I said do you understand me? Asks my kidnapper.  
  
-I want to go home... I mumble, beginning to cry. I beg you...  
  
-You'll stay here for now, and I please... stop mumbling.  
  
-Take what you want in my bag but don't hurt me. I say, shakily.  
  
-Hurt you? No, it's not my intention.** **At least not for now...**  
  
  
He approaches his hand to my face to wipe the tears running down my cheeks but I turn my head away from him.  
 **  
  
** **-Don't touch me ! I say, whistling with rage.  
  
-Hey! Calm down!** **I'm not going to eat you... He says with a German accent.**  
  
  
We remain silent after this short verbal exchange. I notice that the car in which I am is moving, and this is not a good sign. This means necessarily that we are far away from the city.  
  
  
I cast a glance through the window but only see the trees scrolling on both sides of the road. On top of this, the night begins to fall.  
  
 **  
** **-You love rock, right?** **Asks the boy, suddenly.**  
 **  
** **-I- Yes.  
  
-And I can see that you are a fan of the group Rammstein. He continues playing with the CD I autographed. Which is your favorite?  
  
-I don't have one Idol, I prefer rather three of them: Richard, Paul and Christoph.  
  
-Rammstein is shit, listening to them is a waste of time... Declares the young, putting the CD in my bag.  
  
-Really ? And what is good music to the view of Mr. I-don't-love-Rammstein?  
  
** **-I'm talking about the group, not the kind of rock...**  
  
  
I look at him and begin to rail against my fate before talking to him again:  
  
 **  
** **-I beg you to release me... I swear I will not say anything to the cops about you.  
  
-We are too far from the town to go back. He replies calmly. In fact, I haven't told you that you were unconscious for three days?  
  
-WHAT? My family must be worried for me. I shout, then add to his intention: But I want to know the cause of my kidnapping, why am I here?  
  
-Don't dare to yell at me again, or I'll finish quickly with you.** **He threatens me.**  
  
  
I shut up directly and continue to glare at him, with a frightened look, while he's driving. I detail the features of his face and feel that I've seen him before, or he looks like someone I know.  
  
  
I look out the window and wonder how he was able to take me to his car without being stopped by the people passing by the road...  
  
  
The night begins to fall gradually and I feel the urge absurd to go to the bathroom immediately to avoid doing it in my pants.  
  
 **  
** **-I- I want to go to the bathroom. I mutter, ashamed to have to tell him.  
  
-There's no Motels here in these surroundings, baby. You will be forced to do it in the middle of the forest.  
  
-I don't care. I respond, shrugging my shoulders. In a motel or in the woods, it's the same...  
  
-If you say so.** **He says with an amused smile on his lips.**  
  
  
He parks the car at the roadside on the edge of the forest and then gets out and comes to my side. The boy opens the door, releases my hands and takes me out of the car.  
 **  
  
** **-Thanks, Uh- I start wanting to know his name.  
  
-Emil... My name is Emil.** **Says the boy.**  
  
  
The young man named Emil gives me a bottle of water and a roll of toilet paper and takes me deeper in the dark forest.  
  
 **  
** **-Hey! You can turn around! I exclaim.** **I'm really not going to do _it_ in front of you.**  
 **  
** **-For that you make use of my distraction and run away? I am not stupid.  
  
-You Think I can run away in this state? My bladder is full and I'll get sick if I don't empty it right now !!** **I exclaim angrily.**  
  
  
Emil looks at me for few seconds with dark and menacing eyes before turning his back and giving privacy to my actions.  
  
 **  
** **-Of course I want to escape. I say to myself.** **What an idiot !**  
  
  
I look around me in search of a way to escape or to see the lights of camps but it seems that there's no soul in this place, it's hardly lost in advance...  
  
  
I sigh in annoyance and then lower my pants...  
  
  
Back in the car, the brunette links my hands in the back and then starts the car. I look at the road ahead for few seconds before I feel my eyes burning, I close them and let myself fall into the arms of Morpheus.  
  
  
I don't know how long I slept or why I woke with a start, but when I look out the front window, I see red and blues lights...  
  
 **  
** **-What the- ? I start feeling that Emil is on his nerves.  
  
-There is Cops ahead!** **Says my kidnapper.**  
  
  
My heart misses a beat, is it a good sign? Will I regain my freedom anytime soon? I have to pray for it...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	4. Help me, Please!!

I look ahead and my heart beats speed up, I'm seeing my free ticket in front of me. This doesn't last long because I feel Emile cutting the rope that is attaching my arms, with a knife.  
  
  
 **-Try not to draw any attention on you or I'll put you in pieces. The guy threatens me, the knife pressed against my arm.  
  
-I beg you... I start feeling fear. Don't hurt me, I'll stay quiet...  
  
** **-Shut up now, we're approaching them... let me talk to them without saying a word, understand?**  
  
  
I shake my head in approval and close my mouth and keep silent as the brunette drives the car to the cops.  
  
  
One policeman stops us and asks Emile to lower the window on his side before running his flashlight shine on our faces.  
  
  
 **-Your papers, sir?** **Asks the policeman.**  
  
  
The brown takes the papers from the glove box and holds them out, nonchalantly, to the police officer who checks them carefully and then looks at my kidnapper.  
  
 **  
** **-You are the famous guitarist's son, right? I'm really a big fan of his band !!  
  
-Yes he's my father.** **Emil responds with indifference.**  
  
  
The officer shines his torch on my face and looks at me for a few seconds. His mouth opens and closes as if he wants to say something.  
  
  
 **-And... Who's this handsome girl with you?**  
  
  
I turn my head and my eyes meet those of my kidnapper, I defy him and await for his answer.  
  
  
 **-She's my girlfriend, we just came back from a night out. Ads the brunette.  
  
-And what's her name, if it doesn't bother you of course?  
  
** **-She's called Anastasia Michaelis, why all these questions officer?**  
  
 **-A girl named Jimaima Carter got kidnapped, four days ago, we received the order to find her. Answerss the cop then adds: Sorry to have stopped you like this, it's our job.  
  
-No problem sir. Emil says politely.** **And good luck to find the daughter of the director.**  
  
  
The officer remains near us a few more seconds looking at me intently, as if he recognized me, and then turns his attention on the driver.  
 **  
  
** **-By the way, Emil... Stop playing comedy to your best friend. Begins the officer then continues leaning toward his friend: I really want to know why you choosed her this time !!  
  
-It's pure chance my old James. The kidnapper shrugs.** **Don't worry, I'm not going to kill her.**  
  
  
The officer named James salutes us, then let him go norally. I don't believe what my ears have heard, they are friends !! No chance to escape...  
  
  
I turn towards the driver and give him a dirty look, but he doesn't pay attention to it at all and continues driving, his eyes fixed on the road.  
  
  
 **-Why this murderous look, Miss Carter?** **He says sarcastically and then adds: So, you are the daughter of Mr. Director of the company Carter Corporation?**  
  
 **-You kidnapped me for ransom? How much do you want ? My father can pay all the money you want.  
  
-It's not the money of Gabriel that's interesting me but rather something else... He puts his hand on my knee and caresses it. You're very beautiful, very sexy...  
  
-Keep your dirty paws on you, Emil. I whistle with rage, removing his hand. You touch me once more and say goodbye to your fingers.  
  
-This was a joke! I didn't intend to do what you think but you mustn't get on my nerves if you don't want to see my other face.  
  
-Rule number one, don't get Emil pissed off or he'll do things...atrocious things. I mumble.  
  
-Yes, it's the number one rule.** **Confirms the boy.**  
  
  
The sun begins to point to the horizon and the road becomes clearer. I take a look out the window and notice that we are always in the middle of the forest. After a few minutes, the houses start appearing before us.  
  
 **  
** **-What's this city? I ask, confused.  
  
-Welcome to Chicago, baby. Emil smiles.  
  
-What? we are as far from Washington as this? I exclaim.  
  
-You forgot you were unconscious for three days?** **Well, we'll not stay here... just the time to buy our provisions in the nearest mini supermarket and then go away.**  
  
  
Good, very good. When he stops, I'll take this opportunity to run away because he forgot to tie me. My heart speeds up and my fear increases.  
  
  
Finally, we arrive at a petrol pump where a mini super market is located. My kidnapper takes his gun and puts it to his belt, then turns to me.  
  
  
 **-You want to eat anything for the moment?  
  
-I don't want anything. I respond with distrust. All I want is to go home.  
  
-Good, a piece of chocolate pie and juice.** **He says, not paying attention to what I said.**  
  
  
He's too stupid or what?  
  
  
He gets out of the car but before closing the door, he turns to me and I see him getting a blade out of his pocket.  
  
  
 **-I know you're not going to remain calm in my absence.** **He sticks the blade in my thigh and then adds: Like this you'll not try to escape.**  
  
  
Ok, he's not stupid, he hurts...  
  
  
He locks the door and goes to the little shop. I look at the blood flowing from the wound and then around me, looking for a way to escape. It's true that I am injured but I don't want to stay here.  
  
  
Looking under the seats, in the glove box, between the cushions... but I find no way to open the damn car from the inside, because it's really weird.  
  
  
A moment later, a young man comes near the car. I squabble with the windows for a few minutes and finally open them.  
  
 **  
** **-I beg you, help me !!** **I shout at him.**  
  
  
He turns around to me and I give him a sign to approach. He looks at me with mischief and I don't blame him because I am in the only car that's here. Finally he approaches but keeps a distance between us.  
  
  
 **-A problem, miss? He questions me.  
  
-Listen to what I'll tell you... a guy kidnapped me and you have to call the police.  
  
-Get out of the car then! And I'll take you to the nearest police station. Says the man.  
  
-I can't, I'm wounded in the thigh. I say, wincing in pain.  
  
-What are you doing, Jim? The furious voice of Emil sounds suddenly.  
  
-Shit... He's back, go I don't want him hurting you.  
  
-Jim! I TOLD YOU TO STAY QUITE, FUCK !! Shouts my kidnapper.  
  
-RUN!** **HE IS AR-med !!**  
  
  
Too late...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued**_...


	5. D for... Destroyed

Emil releases the paper bag that he's holding then takes the gun, that is attached to his belt, and fires a shot at the man. He picks the provisions and comes, in speed, towards the car.  
  
  
He balances the bags to the back seat then turns the engine and starts in precipitation. Meanwhile, I look at the pointer and see it speeding up to 100 km / h.  
  
  
 **-You- You killed him !! I exclaim, shocked.  
  
-Shut up ! He yells, fixing the road.  
  
-He is dead and the police will be at your heels now. I continue.  
  
-I SAID SHUT UP, FUCK !! His hands are clenched on the steering wheel.  
  
-I'm not afraid of you, Emil... I spit with hater.  
  
-You want to follow him to hell, right?** **Okay, I'll show you the shortest way.**  
  
  
The guy parks his car and I notice that we are again in a forest but it's darker than the other. He gets out of the car and I hear him rummaging in the trunk before getting back to me.  
  
  
 **-GET OUT!!** **He says in order.**  
  
  
A shiver goes through my back, I just revealed the other side of Emil and he's on his nerves. I must not push him further.  
  
  
 **-I'm hurt, I can't move my foot.  
  
** **-I don't care, move your ass and get out.**  
  
  
I fight against my pain and get out of the car with fear and then he throws a shovel at my feet.  
  
  
 **-Pick it and start digging! He says in the same tone of order.  
  
-Dig what? I ask him, feeling the fear in my guts.  
  
-Your grave, fuck!** **This time I will not go back and I'll kill you!**  
  
  
My heart misses a beat, I really pushed him further. I'm stupid to have so easily forgotten the first rule.  
  
  
I pick up the shovel and move away, limping, deeper. If I have to dig my grave, I prefer it to be in a safe place. I examine my injury and begin to dig.  
  
  
The sound of the door slamming attracts my attention and I turn around to see the young-man coming to me, he's holding his gun in one hand, while the other one grabs a bottle of pure-vodka.  
  
  
He removes the bottle cap and starts drinking and forcing me to dig with his gun pointed at me.  
  
  
 **-Dig faster, I will not spend the night here. He orders after a long moment of silence, still drinking.  
  
-I have no power for that, plus I'm starving...  
  
-I don't care ! He says, drunk.** **You wanted it.**  
  
  
I try to dig again but my hands give way and I let the shovel fall into an audible sound, and then fall to my knees.  
  
 **  
** **-Please don't kill me... I beg whispering breathlessly.  
  
-You- He starts looking at me with glassy eyes then adds: No... I'm not going to kill you, all this beauty will be a mess if I let it go like that.  
  
-What is he meaning by this? I wonder but everything gets cleared up in my head.  
  
-Shit ! Shit ! Shit !** **No, not that !!**  
  
  
Emil approaches ,in slow steps, towards me and I crawl back to the rear. I understand now what he means and refuse to let him do it without a fight.  
  
 **  
** **-Kill me... I ask him, always retreating. With the gun it will be faster, and I'll not feel the pain.  
  
-This is not my intention.** **Responds the brunette and with two steps, he's near me.**  
  
  
He gets me up and puts his face in my neck. He puts his lips to the soft skin and caresses it. I shiver and try to push him away.  
  
 **  
** **-Emil, I beg you... not this...  
  
** **-Let yourself go... He whispers against my ear.**  
  
  
With a sudden movement I find myself back against the hard and cold ground, and feel the hands of the guy running around on my body. I struggle once more but my strength seems to have left me.  
  
  
His hands gets down and I feel him open the button of my jeans. I squirm under his weight and try to prevent him from doing more.  
  
 **  
** **-Stop squirming, it excites me even more. He whispers against my ear. I don't intend to do anything if you don't cooperate.  
  
** **-Emil stop... I beg you. I start to cry.**  
  
  
But Emil doesn't listen and continues to drop my pants and then slides a hand under my tank top, then with the other he strokes my privacy through the fabric.  
  
 _  
_ _Face down ...  
_ _Too guilty to be happy_  
  
  
 _Right inside ...  
Too guilty to be happy  
  
  
Face Down ...  
Too guilty to be happy.  
  
  
Right inside ...  
_ _Too guilty to be happy._  
  
  
I close my eyes and let him do it, useless to struggle. I remember very well the doctor Sheppard's advice, the father of my friend...  
  
  
~ FLASH BACK ~  
  
 **  
** **-If one of you six finds herself in a situation of rape in the point of no return, don't fight back... release all.  
  
-But dad... that's not what we should do. Timidly said his daughter.  
  
** **-I know... but it's better to let him do that, then incur the suffers of after the rape. When the body tenses, it makes a terrible friction.**  
  
  
~ END OF FLASHBACK ~  
  
  
I hear him unbuckling his belt, by its metallic sound. The sharp sound of the zipper follows. Then I feel him taking away the fabric that hides my privacy.  
  
  
 _I lust for...  
Thrill and danger.  
  
  
Don't trust me...  
I've Said it all before.  
  
  
Believe me...  
I want forgiveness.  
  
  
You see me...  
Stripped and naked.  
  
  
I live for...  
A taste of violence  
  
  
I'm dying...  
_ _To get Reviews another breath._  
  
  
Emil spits in his hand and I doubt that he's lubricating himself. I want to fight a last time but I feel more and more weak. He caresses me yet again and his lips run along my neck, biting me in passing.  
  
 **  
** **-Look at me in the eyes, Jim... He whispers sensually.**  
  
  
I don't want to stay so long, then I cut the contact between my body and my soul and I don't know what's happening around me. I feel like a dead in a body which is mine.  
  
  
I feel nothing more and it's a good sign, because I don't want to feel the pain of the forced union.  
  
  
After a long time, I feel the brown falling on me then he gets up but immediately loses consciousness. I wear my pants and then crowl up to a tree where I fall in the darkness after him.  
  
  
 _Face down ...  
Too guilty to be happy.  
  
  
Right inside ...  
Too guilty to be happy.  
  
  
face Down  
Too guilty to be happy.  
  
  
Right inside ...  
_ _Too guilty to be happy ...  
  
  
_  
 **  
** __ **to be continued...**


	6. What the hell have I done?!

EMIL POV:  
  
  
I wake up with a terrible hangover and my back hurts because I fell asleep on the hard floor. I sit up grimly and examine the location where I am, here I notice a silhouette against a tree.  
  
  
Everything comes back to me suddenly, like a blow in my face...  
  
  
 **-Oh my God ! I whisper, shocked.** **I really- ?**  
  
  
I leave the hard ground and go to the girl, thinking of an excuse for what I did. I want her to forgive me because I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing.  
  
  
 **-Jim?** **I say, bypassing the tree to face her.**  
  
  
No answer...  
  
  
 **-Listen to me, I'm really- I start but immediately notice that the girl isn't conscious.**  
  
  
I get more near her to hold her when I notice that her jeans are stained with blood, and it's certainly not that of the wound in her thigh.  
  
 **  
** **-Shit !! I swear under my breath.** **In addition, I was the first.**  
  
  
I raise and hold her then get her to the car easily, she's light as a feather. I put her in the back seat and start the car.  
  
  
I take the road to my country house and avoid an accident or two. We finally arrive after an hour ride and I park the car in the garage.  
  
  
The girl is still passed away. I take her in my arms into the house and up to the second floor, where my room is, and then deposit her on my bed. I look for tissues to cure the injury in her thigh, and then leave her to sleep peacefully.  
  
  
I remove all the frames on the walls of the living room, I don't want my guest to discover who my father is. I look at the last part that I unhooked and swallow the angry tears that are threatening to fall.  
  
  
It's true that I look like him physically but I'm not like him, he's blinded by the glory of his rock band. Plus he prefers his other son to me.  
  
  
I swing the frame to the cellar to join the others and then lock the door and go to the small kitchen for storing food in the pantry and fridge. Once everything is put in order, I go to the living room to watch TV.  
  
  
After a few hours I get tired, plus I'm getting hungry. I get up from the couch and go to prepare something to break the munchies. I'm doing very well with the kitchen because I learned to cook at the age of 15.  
  
  
I go back to my room to make sure that the brunette is well. She is still sleeping, my pillow tight against her.  
  
  
Jimaima seems contorted as if she's seeing a nightmare, she is trying to push something and I have to confirm that I am the nightmare in person. I remain in awe of her being very delicate.  
  
  
 _Separate from your affliction ...  
  
Feel Alone When I look in your eyes.  
  
I'm no longer your addiction ...  
  
A distant void reflecting in your lies.  
  
Don't say a word ...  
  
_ _Don't Cry !!!_  
  
  
I sigh and then leave the room down to the kitchen. Now I have to pray that she forgives me...  
  
  
 **-Rule number two, never rape a girl without a condom!** **I do remind myself.**  
  
  
And that's what I have done, good lord.  
  
 _  
_ _You can't get enough...  
  
Under your skin.  
  
You can't get enough  
  
Drawing your sin...  
  
You can't get enough...  
  
Under your skin.  
  
You can't get enough...  
  
_ _Drawing your sin_  
  
  
 Ellipse ~ three days ~  
  
  
Carter's daughter is not yet awake, I'm beginning to worry about her. I look at the sun through the window and then turn my attention to the pan that is on fire.  
  
  
My hearing picks up the sound of creaky stairs, I hold my breath watching the entrance, for seeing the girl.  
  
  
A brown mass of hair make its entrance into the kitchen, the girl rubs her eyes and stares at me with a lost air.  
  
  
 **-Say sir, where am I? She starts, looking around.  
  
**  
I look at her in surprise and open my mouth to answer but no sound comes out, but she asks another question. **  
  
  
-... And who are you?** **Jim adds, resting her eyes on me.**  
  
  
Here I am lost, completely lost...  
  
  
I look at the girl in shock and sit on the chair to avoid falling. She's laughing at me or she really lost her memory?  
  
  
 **-I- You don't remember anything? I ask her, attentively.  
  
-Remember what? She says, lost.  
  
-Stop playing comedy, Jim. This is not funny! I start getting up.  
  
-I don't play anything, sir.** **But I really want to know who you are and where I am.**  
  
  
I rub my neck and think about what I should do, I don't know if I should tell her or not. At the end, I make a decision.  
  
 **  
** **-I am Emil and I'm your kidnapper. I let go, watching for her reaction.  
  
-Why have you kidnapped me, sir? I think you are not going to kill me, sir. She whispers, panicked.  
  
-Stop with this formal address it bothers me. I say then add: I'm not going to kill you.  
  
-Then why- . She begins but I cut her off.  
  
-I wanted some company... I respond, turning off the fire.  
  
-Oh ok !! You- you seem very charming. She says but directly puts her hands on her mouth and reddens.  
  
-Alas, this charm hides a criminal behind it. I say, feeling low.  
  
-What did you do ?** **Jim asks.**  
  
  
Everything confirms that she's in a state of shock that her brain refused to consume the rape fact and erased what's related to it.  
  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	7. After the Schock

EMIL POV (continued):  
  
  
I don't know if I should tell her but I bite my wrist and force myself to let go of the piece but in a way to avoid getting punished.  
  
  
**-You don't... feel any pain? In your lower abdomen? Between your thighs?**  
  
  
Jim touches both places I just mentioned, but no pain grin appears on her sweet face slightly scarred.  
  
  
**-No pain, Emi... but what's supposed to hurt me?  
  
-I-** **I did a terrible thing to you yesterday, I have r- raped you under the influence of alcohol. I start but add again: I swear, I didn't want to hurt you...**  
  
  
The girl falls on the chair, next to the one where I was sitting, and puts her hands over her mouth to block the scream that threatens to get out. She looks at me with eyes full of tears and a moment later, warm waters flow down her cheeks.  
  
  
My eyes sting in my turn, I sit on the empty chair and let my tears of rage, against myself, sink. I didn't want to hurt her but she pushed my nerves away.  
  
  
I continue to pour tears of rage until I feel a hand laid gently on my shoulder, I raise my head and face the girl.  
  
**  
-Jimaima... I beg you... I mutter between my tears. Forgive me...**  
  
  
JIMAIMA POV:  
  
  
I wake with a start, my whole body hurts me, as if I just got hit by a train. I sit up but a pain in the back makes me wince.  
  
  
I inspect the scene and notice that where I am seems, more or less, a room. It's in complete mess, the large wardrobe which extends along the wall to the left is open and the clothes are upside down and even spread on the ground.  
  
  
**-This room needs a shot of order. I say to myself, touching the bandage around my thigh.**  
  
  
I approach the window and look outside, I realize I'm in a house in the middle of the woods. I rub my head and try to remember the cause of my presence here but I meet a wall in front of my memories.  
  
  
**-I lost memory?**  
  
  
A step outside the room and find myself in front of a wooden staircase that I take to go down. Once down, I notice a boy who is preparing his dinner on the stove.  
  
  
A discussion begins between us and I ask him questions to know who he is, where I am and the cause of my kidnap. But when he answers, I feel the earth shaking under my feet.  
  
**  
-Jimaima... I beg you... He mumbles between his tears. Forgive me...**  
  
  
I don't know if I have to forgive him or not...  
  
  
I sit on my knees and look at the boy right in the eye. My face is a few centimeters from his and I feel him about to kiss me but I quickly rise up.  
  
  
**-Do you have, by chance, clothes to lend me? I have to take a bath to remove this horror that is stuck to my body.  
  
-Yes, follow me I'll find you something useful. He says, getting up and wiping his tears.**  
  
  
We go upstairs and to his room. I sit on the bed and look at him as he rummages in the cupboard, in this moment, I notice a part of the frame under the bed.  
  
  
I bend and pull it then wipe the dust that covers it. A photo is attached thereto, it represents a man that circles his arms around the shoulders of a teenager.  
  
  
**-Emi who are these two in this photo? I ask, curious to know.**  
  
  
Emile turns to me and looks to the frame I'm holding my hands but makes no sudden movements, he joins me all simply.  
  
**  
-He's my younger brother. He says, pointing the teenager. With a friend of him, I think.  
  
-The oldest seems familiar to me, like I saw him before, but I don't remember where.  
  
-Ok... here, I have found this in all this mess; pants and a polo. I think it's perfect.  
  
-Thanks, where's the bathroom?  
  
-Just next to this room. He begins, rising, then adds: I let you here, I'll go to set the table.**  
  
  
After a good hot shower, I put my clothes and tie my hair. I leave the room and go in search of the brown.  
  
  
**-Dinner is served, you can come eat. Says Emil.**  
  
  
I look at the table next to what he stands then join him and take place in front of him. He serves us potatoes and meat with two glasses of red wine.  
  
  
**-Good appetite, Jim. He says with a weak smile.  
  
-You too, Emil. I say in my turn.**  
  
  
I take a fork and begin to eat potatoes but soon stop and stir the meat.  
  
**  
-What's it like meat? I ask by pricking the piece with the tip of the knife.  
  
-Roast beef, why? He asks, worried.  
  
-Never mind... I respond, starting to eat. Forget it.**  
  
  
After dinner, I let the brunette do the dishes and go to his room to put it in order. I set to work and put all in order, I come across various things like novels and pictures but I don’t touch anything.  
  
  
When I go back down to the first floor, I found the brown sitting on a sofa in the living room, zapping channels without being interested in something.  
  
**  
-I tidied the room. I say, sitting down on the other sofa.  
  
-It's nice from you, thank you.**  
  
  
Emil continues to zap, lacing, so I remove the remote from his hand and zap on a channel of horror movies.  
  
  
**-It'll be good to make you scared. I say mockingly.  
  
****-Ok... Is all he says.**  
  
  
We watch the film in silence and I have a lot of fun, seeing him jumping of fear on several occasions. Then he finally lets go in the arms of Morpheus.  
  
  
It's true that I have to be angry against him for what he has done to me but I'm just here watching him while he sleeps on the sofa...  
  
  
  
_**to be continued...**_


	8. I think I love You

Ellipse ~ a week ~  
  
  
I'm in the kitchen preparing dinner with Emil. To say the truth, I no longer feel he's my kidnapper nor have a grudge against him for the rape... But still, I stay away from him.  
  
  
We don't sleep in the same place, Emil sleeps in the living room while I take his room. He gave me back my phone, without the chip of course, but I don't care as long as I can listen to Rammstein songs that makes me feel alive.  
  
  
Despite this, I still haven't completely recovered my memory. There's things that are still unclear to me.  
  
 **  
** **-5 tablespoons of flour, not 50! Exclaims my friend. You can't read or what?  
  
-There's a fault I'm sure! We are preparing a pie, not pancakes!** **I reply with amusement.**  
  
  
Pancakes... I remember very well that a woman prepared them for me the day of my abduction but I can't remember who she was...  
  
 **  
** **-Something's wrong, Jim?** **Emil demands, laying his hand on my shoulder.  
**  
  
I jump to the contact but answer immediately:  
  
 **-Don't worry, it's just a piece of my memory that wants to reach its place.  
  
-Okay.** **He simply answers but I notice the worried look he displays.**  
  
  
The dinner's preparation continuous, then I walk away from the work table to go turn on the television o  and watch my favorite movie.  
  
  
I zap channels without finding the one I'm looking for but immediately stop when I see the large red letters "URGENT! THE CARTERS STILL SEEK THEIR DAUGHTER "I look at the screen.  
  
  
A middle aged woman stands in front of her husband, or whatever is their relationship. I get up the volume and hear:  
  
  
 **-We are near the Carter's house, Mr. Gabriel the famous business leader refuses to talk to us. Says the reporter then adds: rather let's ask for information to his wife.  
  
** **-Madam Carter, can you tell us about the sudden disappearance of your daughter? He asks her.**  
  
  
The woman wipes her tears with a handkerchief and then answers:  
 **  
** **-The Morning of her disappearance, she went to see her favorite rock group but didn't return home after. Her friend Jason Black said he had contacted her some minutes before the kidnap.  
  
-Who do you think is the kidnapper? They haven't called you yet for a ransom?** **And...**  
  
  
I don't listen to the woman's, to MY MOTHER'S answer that she gives him because I feel the tears start to fall down my cheeks.  
  
  
 **-And what will you tell the kidnapper, if he's seeing you right now? Says the journalist.  
  
** **-We are asking him only to ge-**  
  
  
The screen turns off suddenly, I look back and see Emil looking at me with a worried look.  
  
  
 **-Jim? He starts, approaching me.  
  
-I want to be alone. I say hardly, tears strangling me.  
  
-Jim, listen to me...  
  
-NO ! I want to go home !** **I cry, attacking him.**  
  
  
Emil easily grabs my hands and sets us back until I feel the walls pressing against my back.  
  
  
 **-Let go of me ! I get angry pulling my hands.  
  
-Jimaima, calm down. He puts his hands on either side of my waist to keep me firmly against the wall.** **Look at my eyes.**  
  
  
My eyes searches his and I see a sparkling gleam in them. I begin to relax but still fix them, anyway.  
  
  
 **-Yes, like this... relax, all is well.** **He whispers against my ear and then back to face me.**  
  
  
Here, and without realizing it, I throw myself on him and kiss him. Emil freezes for seconds but immediately lets his weapons down and  exchanges a feverish game with me, then makes us back to the sofa.  
  
  
He deposits me on the sofa and continues to kiss me while opening the buttons of my blouse. Suddenly, a sound rings and startles us, it's that of the stove...  
  
  
- **The Pizza is ready.** **Emil says, rising.** **And I think the pie too.  
**  
  
I stand up and put myself in order. I follow the brown in the kitchen and help set the table and then we get together to eat. He gets up after a few minutes, after finishing his slice of pizza.  
  
 **  
** **-Where are you going, brown? I ask him.  
  
** **-I will not be long, wait for me right here... Responds my collaborator.**  
  
  
I continue my dinner then remove the plates and cut two chocolate cake slices. At the same time, Emil comes back and I notice that one hand is behind his back.  
  
  
 **-Princess... Starts Emil. I want you to make me a promise...  
  
-which, Emi? I ask, taking a bite of my cake.  
  
** **-Stop eating and come here... He says, holding one hand to me.**  
  
  
The plate placed on the table, I walk towards him curious to know what he's hiding. To my surprise, he kneels before me and shows the hand he hides.  
  
  
 **-You promise to never betray me and stay with me, whatever happens?  
  
-Emil... I promise. I say, pulling my ring. But will you do it, too?  
  
** **-Up to death... He whispers and puts on his.**  
  
  
Emil gets up and lays his lips on mine to seal our agreement. Then everything steals... I cling to my friend's neck and deepen our kiss, then get back to let us take our breaths.  
  
  
 **-Let's go to the room... I breath against his ear.**  
  
  
The brown holds me in his arms like a princess then takes us to his room where he keeps kissing me feverishly. Everything starts to steam and I don't really remember what happened next.  
  
  
I remember he hesitated for a moment, too afraid of hurting me. But he ended up, all the same, by surrender...  
  
  
Our bodies are covered with sweat and Emi is still out of breath. I stroke his soft hair, then leave the sleep take me over me.  
  
  
*** ***  
  
  
When I wake up, it's always night. I get up from the bed and pull a sheet to cover my naked body and then go take a bath. I think back to our night and flush feeling shame overwhelm me...  
  
  
I finish quickly and put on my clothes which are lying around the room. I go back to bed and sit next to Emil who just wake up.  
  
  
 **-You don't blame me for what happened yesterday?  
  
** **-Not at all, if I think... I'll say that you are also forgiven for the other day, although I don't remember what happened than.**  
  
  
Emil puts his hand on my cheek and approaches to kiss me when suddenly blinding spotlights illuminates, then a voice follows.  
  
  
- **Emil Reinke!** **The police is surrounding the whole house, release the girl and get out immediately!**  
  
  
They finally found me. But now that I don't want to go back home...  
  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	9. The damn cops arrived

POV UNKNOWN:  
  
  
I was watching the news when they announced the disappearance of a young girl. Since I'm not interested in these things, I take the remote to change the channel but I stop, seeing her image appearing. She looks like a person I have seen somewhere before.  
  
  
I narrow my eyes and try to remember her, while listening to the journalist talking to a woman who is at least 42 years, I think.  
  
  
 **-The girl named Jimaima Carter remains not found...  
  
-Jimaima... I mumble.** **This name sounds familiar!**  
  
  
The door that opens, draws my attention. surely it is my lover who's just returned from the recording studio.  
  
  
 **-Darling ? Comes his voice from the hallway. I got home, where are you?  
  
** **-In the living room... Come here, _liebe_.**  
  
  
I "pause" the image of the girl so my lover sees her.  
  
  
 **-You're not ready to go out? He asks. What are you waiting for ?  
  
** **-Come and look at this girl, her face doesn't tell you something?**  
  
  
My angel comes to me and encircles my waist with his muscular arms and places his chin on my shoulder. He narrows his eyes at the image for several seconds then his face finally clears.  
  
  
 **-Say, this is not the girl who took a picture with us at the meeting? He declares.  
  
-Yes of course ! I exclaim tapping my forehead.** **This is the girl who likes to be called Jim instead of Jimaima.**  
  
  
I remove the code of the TV, but this time I see what puts me uncomfortable near my lover.  
  
  
 **-... A man has been attacked by the same kidnapper. Adds the journalist. But, fortunately, he's not dead and he's the one that helped us decipher the registration of his car and make the robotic portrait.  
  
-Oh no ! I exclaim recognizing my own son.** **It's not true...**  
  
  
Jimaima POV:  
  
  
 **-Emil Reinke! Comes the voice of the speaker.** **We give you ten minutes before getting to work!**  
  
  
I approach the window and look outside through the curtain, I discover a whole team of cops in front and around the house, in addition to journalists.  
  
  
 **-Put your clothes, Emi. I tell my lover.** **You're in a serious problem here.**  
  
  
He gets up and begins to wear his clothes under my admirer look. He's really sexy the brunette with his body.  
  
  
 **-I slept with a bomb! I exclaim in the still matting. Shit...  
  
-I must point out that the police surrounds the house right now, so if you have uncatholic ideas, just avoid them. Reinke says, buckling his belt.  
  
-It remains five minutes, Reinke! Says the voice, again.  
  
-We are going down !** **Orders Emil pulling me by the arm to follow.**  
  
  
We get down the stairs and then to the kitchen which overlooks the front of the house. I cast a glance toward the windows but don't think to escape.  
  
 **  
** **-Shit! Emil swears under his breath. How did they find us?  
  
-50 ... 49 ... 48 ...  
  
-There's Only one little minute !! What will you do ?  
  
** **- _Ich Weiß nicht_ , **_**Ich fühle mich schlecht**_ **... (I don't know, I feel bad...)**  
  
  
Great, the guy starts talking in German! Fortunately I know this language, since I am a fan of Rammstein.  
  
  
 **-43 ... 42 ... 41 ...  
  
-You Have to give up...  
  
-What? You're crazy ? No way !  
  
-There Is nothing else to do, go for it you will be cooked ...  
  
- _Ich will dich nicht verlieren_... (I don't want to lose you ...).  
  
-20 ... 19 ... 18 ...  
  
-Remember one thing, Emil Reinke... I will fight for us.** **I declare.**  
  
  
I place a chaste kiss on his lips and then tight him against me one last hug because I hear the leader giving orders to his men.  
  
  
 **-03 ... 02 ... 01 ... The ten minutes are up, Reinke!  
  
** **-I must join the mines, now... I whisper, wiping his tears.**  
  
  
The door creaks, under the weight of a policeman who pushes, and transfers. Six men enter the house, their guns in hand. Three of them encircle Reinke who is not rebelled, another comes to me.  
  
  
 **-All's well miss the danger is far away now.** **He says.**  
  
  
I don't respond but watch six police take my first lover away. I run to them to prevent them from taking him but I collide with a man.  
  
 **  
** **-I'm glad you're okay, Miss Carter.** **He declares.**  
  
  
This voice... I know it between miles. It's that of the Carter's lawyer, my worst enemy I named Benjamin Simmons. I push him away with hatred and try again to reach Emil but he grabs me by the arm.  
  
  
 **-Let me go, dirty mutt! I exclaim trying to free myself from his grip.  
  
-Who dare you treat- He starts but gets interrupted by a voice.  
  
-Ben! Release my sister immediately otherwise I will make your life a misery!** **Threats my big brother.**  
  
  
The lawyer displays a grin of disgust and release his grip on my arm. I rush into the arms of Dany who welcomes me, pressing me against him.  
  
  
 **-All is okay sis. He calms me, hugging me. The danger is far...  
  
-Where are our parents? I ask, still looking at the guy.  
  
-They Couldn't come...  
  
-The Work, huh?** **I doubted that Samantha's tears were only for the cameras, it's just you and my father who really care for me.**  
  
  
I look at the policemen that are preventing journalists from coming to us then turn my attention, again, to the brown that two cops are taking to their car.  
  
  
I want to know the fate reserved for him...  
  
 **  
** **-What will they do to him? I ask my big brother.  
  
-I don't know... But I think the darons will not let him go without killing him.  
  
-At my opinion... Starts the lawyer without receiving the permission to talk. He will not get under 10 years if not 20.  
  
-WHAT? I shout on hearing what he just said.  
  
-A Kidnap, a murder try. He starts. And I doubt that he also got his hands on you... He implies.  
  
-SHUT THE FUCK UP, BEN !! Exclaims Dany glaring at him.  
  
** **-She wanted to know, and I responded... Simmons says wearily.**  
  
  
I feel the earth giving way under my feet and I remain difficult standing, propped on the chest of my elder.  
  
  
- **He's... Innocent... I hardly whisper.**  
  
  
I look at my brown again and let myself pass out.  
  
  
POV EXTERIOR:  
  
  
Daniel, in shock, doesn't know what to do. Fortunately, a fireman comes to his aid when he refuses that of the grumpy lawyer. They take the brunette to the ambulance that is present in case of emergency.  
  
  
Another firefighter helps his colleague and they pose a stretcher and help each-other to put her in the interior of the ambulance.  
  
  
Meanwhile, police have put Emile in their car. He looks outside and see his girlfriend unconscious in a young-man's arms.  
  
  
 **-Jim! NO ! He shouts, trying to get out of the car.  
  
-Stay in your place, Reinke! Orders the policeman who guards him.  
  
-I beg you, I just want to know if the girl is fine.** **He insists.**  
  
  
A police joins his colleague and looks at the brown with a reproachful air.  
  
  
 **-What's wrong,** ** **agent** Longbottom? She asks him.  
  
** **-Please... I just want- Starts Reinke.**  
  
  
But he doesn't finish his sentence and falls on the seat, really struck by the electric shock that the policeman applied to him.  
  
  
 **-Franc! You shouldn't have done that!  
  
-Sorry, Erica... But we had to put him out of harm's way.** **Justifies the officer, shrugging.**  
  
  
Both cars start and each takes a different path, the ambulance to the hospital and the police to their police station.  
  
  
They take Jimaima to the emergency block where Jacob Sheppard, her friend Mika's father is working. They put her on various controls, but the girl doesn't wake up and rests in her soothing sleep.  
  
  
On the side of Reinke, a police officer woke him up with a bucket of water and began the interrogation but he refuses to say anything without the presence of a lawyer. So they put him in a cell, waiting for results...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	10. When we refuse to come back

POV Exterior (continued):  
  
  
The doctor Sheppard did his best to keep the tension of his patient in stable condition, and then sent her in a resuscitation room until she comes back.  
  
  
A week is passed but the girl is not yet awake. On the side of the prisoner, he received a very interesting visit.  
  
  
~ FLASHBACK ~  
  
 **  
** **-Reinke, you have a visit. Says a police officer, standing in front of the bars of his prison.  
  
-From who? Asks the brown, interested.  
  
-He says he's your father.** **Replies the policeman.**  
  
  
Emil feels his heart misses a beat but he pulls himself together immediately.  
  
  
 **-Tell him I don't want to see him.  
  
-Emil, son. Says his father, revealing his presence.** **We have to talk to each other.**  
  
  
Reinke turns away and refuses to face him.  
  
  
 **-Go away, I don't want to see you. Emil says.  
  
-Son...  
  
** **-You Always preferred your other son to me, I'm ashamed to be your son.**  
  
  
The father gets closer to the jail and tries to resonate him, which is barely winnable. Feeling that he can't attempt anything more, the father looks one last time to his son then sighs and goes.  
  
  
Emil no longer feels the power to retain long, then he puts his hands before his face and begins to cry of despair.  
  
  
Jimaima POV:  
  
  
I hear a horrible beeping next to me, I try to open my eyes to know where I am but can't. After many attempts, I finally open them but close immediately when a powerful light blinds me.  
  
  
 **-Fleure, She woke up! Go call my dad. Says a voice I recognize.  
  
-Why not May? Gets upset another voice.  
  
-For the salamander's sake... Hurry up, Fleure!  
  
** **-Shut up, cows, I'll call my father myself.**  
  
  
These voices... Looks like those of my five best friends who were on holidays during my kidnapping.  
  
  
 **-Get out of here girls, I'll examine her.  
  
-But... Dad!  
  
** **-No "but" Mika, I'll call you when finished.**  
  
  
I recognize the voice of Dr. Sheppard, but where am I? I open suddenly my eyes and this time I come across the worried face of Jacob.  
  
  
 **-Good morning Miss Carter, do you feel good?** **He asks me.**  
  
  
I open my mouth to tell him that I hate to find myself in the hospital, but nothing comes out of it. So I look at him, shocked.  
  
 **  
** **-I was expecting this, your throat will take some time to heal...**  
  
  
I am silent now? Great! I give him a sign to bring me a paper and a pen. He smiles and then goes to check them for me.  
  
  
After a short search in the drawers, the doctor returns with a piece of paper and a pencil and gives them to me.  
  
  
 **-"First, I have a vision disorder. Where are gone my lens view?** **" I write on the sheet.**  
  
 **-Yes it's true. Exclaims the doctor.** **I have removed them to avoid you getting blind, I wonder how you stayed without removing them.**  
  
  
In response, I simply shake my shoulders because I myself don't know how I slept with, all this time.  
 **  
  
** **-"My parents are here? " I write on the paper.  
  
-Only Daniel and your father and also your friends.** **You want something or see someone?**  
  
  
I shake my head to show him that I prefer to rest for now. I feel him about to say something but he hesitates.  
  
  
 **-I- I did some testes on you, and I noticed something... I really want to know if the guy, you know? Had-  
  
-Made uncatholic things? Asks another doctor coming in. I think she done your advice on the- well you know what I mean.  
  
-Johanne, what are you doing here? The man questions her.  
  
-In your opinion ? I came to talk with my patient, woman to woman without her feeling bothered to talk to you about the incident, and my name is Yohanne !  
  
-I'm not going to tell anyone what happened during my kidnapping.** **I say to myself.**  
  
  
Dr. Sheppard sighs with annoyance and then leaves the room, the other looks at him, then pays her attention on me and her gaze freezes my blood.  
  
 **  
** **-You tell auntie what happened during your kidnap? She says, sitting next to me.  
  
-"Do I look like a baby or toddler? I'm 18 I'll point out! " I write on the sheet.  
  
-I am a psychologist and they hired me to treat you morally. She smiles, showing her awful red lips.  
  
-"I don't need a psy, then get out immediately! "  
  
-Come on, don't get upset baby.** **I know you want to forget what the German actor did and I am here to help you, you can trust me...**  
  
  
I roll my eyes but don't write anything on the paper, I refuse to be the cobay of this crazy. Either way, She will give way and leave me alone.  
  
  
 **-You want to play hard with me?** **We will see...**  
  
  
She takes a syringe and tries poking me with it, but finds herself propelled from me by my friends who intervened. They force her to leave the room and come encircle me.  
  
 **  
** **-Shit ! I told you that I didn't feel the blonde, Gaby. Nadia exclaims angrily.  
  
-Bah, I also pointed it out to you. Defends the redhead.** **She looked like a minx, besides what's minx?**  
  
  
I look at them, with fun, yelling at each other before they pay their attention on me.  
  
  
 **-Jim, my heart! Mika says, wiping her tears.** **Sorry not to be here for you and to prevent what happened.**  
  
  
I take the paper and write: **"All is well, it's not your fault that I got kidnapped by the brown."**  
  
 **  
** **-You- Really lost your voice? Fleure worries. Jacob told us about this, but-  
  
-Don't make her upset! Blasts Gabriella.** **She just woke up from a coma.**  
  
  
A coma? Since when am I here, I who hates hospitals? I look at the girls questioningly and they understand immediately what's wrong.  
  
  
 **-Bah, you were woozy for a week. Nadia says. We all thought you were not going to wake anymore because of the heart attacks you did.  
  
-I did heart attacks? I was not expecting this. I tell myself then take the pencil to write.  
  
-"I want to get out of here, girls... help me! ".  
  
-The visit is finished, girls. Jack interrupts entering the room, holding a syringe and a box.  
  
-Dad... Begs his daughter. Just a minute...  
  
-Another time, Mika, she needs to rest to recover. Don't forget that she still hasn't regained her voice.  
  
-Ok, and thank you for letting us see her even if it's only for ten minutes.  
  
-Later, Jim!** **Say all my women.**  
  
  
Michaela kisses her father's cheek then goes to the door to leave and join our group, but she turns to her father.  
  
  
 **-Make her out of here as soon as possible. She hates this atmosphere, don't forget that.  
  
-She'll get out tomorrow when nothing serious indicates, also when Gabriel signs the release papers. He answers then adds softly: Thank you for having chased Johanne.  
  
-No problem, and bye to you my snake.** **Launches Nadia.**  
  
  
I make the gesture of a rabid snake spitting venom, like a goodbye. Sleepiness suddenly overwhelms me and when I look to Sheppard, he smiles back.  
  
  
 **-Don't worry, I've only injected a calming serum to make you rest a dreamless sleep.  
  
-Very Funny! And you... aaah... think it will have the effect of... aaah, I want to sleep... the effect of a potion of dreamless slumber, as in Harry Potter?** **I say to myself, gagging.**  
  
  
Everything becomes blurrier then I can see with my eyes without glasses. I feel going into Morpheus arms, I don't fight and close my eyes...  
  
  
 **-Repose, Jim nothing worries you, I'm watching over you as on my own daughter.** **He smiles amiably and places the box on the table nearby.**  
  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	11. Separated lovers

When I wake up, I put on the glasses that my friend's father left for me, then press on the "Help Button" located on the side of the bed.  
  
  
A moment passes then the door opens and my doctor enters, pushing a cart where is deposited food in addition to medicines.  
  
  
 **-Good evening, Miss Carter. He salutes me.** **Slept well ?**  
  
  
I nod my head to say yes. So he approaches the truck to my bed where I lay and help me to stall comfortably on the cushions and then removes the serum needle dangling from my hand.  
  
  
 **-You have to eat to regain strength, serum is not enough to keep you in shape.** **Jacob says, sitting in bed flange**  
  
  
Wait a second! He really doesn't intend to feed me by himself, does he? I think I am wrong here, because he takes the spoon and puts it in the soup then back at me.  
  
  
I look at him in shock, then open my mouth to swallow, this makes him laugh...  
  
  
 **-Stop staring at me like this, it bothers me. He says, falsely offended.** **You prefer to eat by yourself?**  
  
  
I take the spoon off his hand and begin to eat without looking at him and then cut a small piece of apple and eat it too, before taking the medicines.  
  
  
Once finished, he pushes the cart away and gives me a notepad and pen. I take them immediately and begin writing.  
  
  
 **-"I need to talk to Emil Reinke...". Then give it to him.  
  
-Your kidnapper? Why do you want to see him after what he did?  
  
-"What do you mean by: after what he did?** **" I ask, concerned.**  
  
  
My friend's father takes a chair that is placed against the wall and lays it before me, then sits opposite me.  
  
  
 **-A gynecologist made some testes on you and discovered that the guy have... forced you to do something with him.**  
  
  
Damn... I certainly didn't want him to mention this but here he does before me. To say the truth, Emil didn't force me to sleep with him but it was me.  
  
  
 **-Listen, I'm not going to force you to tell me what happened, but you can talk to your friends to soothe the shock.**  
  
  
I just nod, even though in my heart I am sure that I will not talk to them about what happened.  
  
  
 **-Well I'm leaving. Sheppard says, rising.** **I have other patients waiting.**  
  
  
Sheppard leaves the room and wishes me good night, I close my eyes to sleep but it's hardly lost. I get up and go to the window and then sit on the edge which is like a balcony.  
  
  
 **-Emil... What are you doing now?** **I think, looking at the moon.**  
  
  
Thinking of my friend hurts my heart so much, because I miss him. I have to get him out of prison whatever happens, even if I have to face my own parents for him.  
  
  
 **-I've made a promise to stay with you, my brown, whatever happens.**  
  
  
I play with the ring I wear on the finger, and gaze at it thoughtfully. It is an ancient marvel that belonged, no doubt, to his mother.  
  
  
I sigh of despair and then back to sleep on the bed and put my glasses seen on the bedside table.  
  
  
 **-Good night, Emil Reinke... I move my mouth, without sound getting out.**  
  
  
EMIL POV:  
  
  
A week passed, and I am still here in jail. The police refused to let me go or give me to the German authorities to be judged in my country.  
  
 **  
** **-Your dinner, Reinke. Announces a policeman coming towards me.  
  
-They still refuse to let me go?** **I ask, not really interested.**  
  
  
The policeman, I recognize to be Frank Longbottom who electrocuted me a week ago, opens the cell door and then just drops the tray on the small table to my right.  
  
  
 **-I don't think they'll let you get out soon, the girl's parents want to put you in judgment.  
  
-So like this, the Carter want my skin? I say sarcastically.  
  
** **-By the way, a police officer named James Sawyer wants to see you, can I allow him to enter?**  
  
  
James is trying to see me? Finally the wolf shows off his nose. I really want to see him, so I give the cop a gesture to let him come.  
  
  
 **-Emilio Reinke in prison! My friend jokes with his Russian accent, and gives me a hug. It's a pleasure to see you, buddy...  
  
-Very funny, James. I retort. So how was your stay in Russia?  
  
-Very well, but tell me what have you done to find yourself in jail?  
  
-Stop mocking me, you know very well what I've done, and it seems that the dad is not really happy with it.  
  
-Your father came to see me yesterday when I came back, he's looking for a lawyer for you, I think.  
  
** **-Rather die than accept his help... I spit with hatred.**  
  
  
My friend policeman looks at me with sadness for a while and I hate to be pity to people in this way.  
  
  
 **-I'll do my best to get you out of here, man.  
  
** **-That's nice of you...**  
  
  
I watch James leaving the prison and then the door closes on me and I hear latch's sound that gets closed securely. I ignore the board the agent left on the table and get close to the window.  
  
  
The full moon makes me think directly about my girlfriend Jimaima. Besides talking of her, a week passed since I begged the guard to bring me information about my girl but he refused.  
  
  
 **-Are you still faithful to our agreement, my Jima?** **I wonder internally.**  
  
  
I even contemplate once the moon and then return to my modest berth and lie down. I keep my eyes open for a moment and put the face of the brunette in front of me then sigh of despair. I never imagined myself falling in love, but here I am falling head on heels.  
  
  
 **-Good night my Jima, anywhere you are...**  
  
  
Jimaima POV:  
  
  
My parents came to take me home but I avoided being in a situation that gives them a chance to ask questions. Once back, I head straight to my room and lock myself.  
  
  
Dany tried to talk to me, so I tell him what happened but I refused to face him, for fear of drowning in my own tears. I stay all the time in front of the window without really looking outside.  
  
  
Two days have passed since I returned home but I stayed like a statue. I always avoid, as much as possible, my parents. And then, in addition to not have recovered my voice, I woke up three times during the night to go vomit.  
  
  
I am in my safe place, about to write on my laptop when I hear the door bell but don't pay attention and wait for someone to open it.  
  
  
The wait takes forever before I remember one thing; the darons are not at home, just like Daniel.  
  
  
I get up from the chair where I sit quietly and put down my computer on the bed and go open. Almost the door opened, a heavy weight falls on me.  
  
  
 **-Jim! We missed you, my old! Shouts May-Rin, hugging me against her.  
  
-You too, girls, you too. I think, feeling the tears blurring my vision.  
  
-Stop squeezing her like this, she will eventually suffocate. Exclaims Fleure.  
  
** **Oh, yes... sorry.  
**  
  
I look at my three girl friends that are smiling at me, with eyes full of tears of happiness but I notice someone missing. So I look questioningly.  
  
 **  
** **-Gabriella And Nadia are on the way and will not take long to come, let's wait for them in the living room.** **Says Mika.**  
  
  
I invite them to go to the living room and we sit comfortably on the sofas.My girls watch me for a while then Fleure gets an agenda out of her bag.  
  
  
 **-We can make a conversation with this! She says.  
  
  
** The bell which rings again cuts our discussion and it's May who raises to see who it is. **  
  
  
** **-It's certainly the others, I'm going to open.** **She says**.  
  
  
I hear the sound of the door opening and then a man's voice instead of those of my group colleagues.  
  
  
 **-Shit, Jim! Yells the Chinese with surprise.** **You haven't told us you're friend with the sexy Rammstein's guitarist.**  
  
  
What!? But what is she talking about, our little Chinese?  
  
  
 **-Good morning girls, I want to see Jimaima Carter. Says a beautiful brown with a German accent while getting in the room. I am Emil Reinke's father.  
  
** **-Oh my god... I murmur without noticing that I just recovered my voice.**  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	12. A special visitor

  
The girls beside me grow exclamations of surprise at seeing the famous guitarist landing in my place, without warning.  
  
 **  
** **- _Oh mein gott_! May exclaims looking at him with wide eyes. Is it really Paul Landers who is here in front of me?  
  
-No, it's Santa Claus. I say sarcastically. But surely... it's Paul!  
  
-Miss recovered her voice to mock us? Mika says critically. Or is it because she just saw the hunk?  
  
-Pinch me, I think I'm in a dream... Whispers the French, her eyes on the guitarist.  
  
-You can't stay quite just a minute, "Ramm-Girls"?** **I say hardly, because of my dry throat.**  
  
  
The girls shut it up directly, but their eyes are always fixed on the brown.  
  
  
 **-Sorry about this heckling, Mr. Landers. I begin. You know very well the reactions of fan-girls near their idols.  
  
-I often find myself in such situations.** **He smiles with his charming smile.**  
  
  
I invite him to sit and send Fleure looking for some drinks for us, she grumbles in refusal but ends up going to the kitchen.  
  
 **  
** **-Can I know the cause of your visit, Mr. Landers?  
  
-I am here to bring back this. He replies, handing me my bag. And to ask forgiveness for what my son has done to you.  
  
-You can call me by my name, sir.  
  
-Same for me, so for- He starts but stops.  
  
-You hadn't done anything to me, you're forgiven. I say then take a glass of liquor that the French just put down. But I don't know about your- uh, son.  
  
-I understand your reaction towards the kidnap.** **I also went to see him in prison, but he refused to talk to me.**  
  
  
As I understand, my brown is still in prison. At the same time, I hear the two other members of our rock band entering.  
  
  
 **-Wah! Is it really Paul Landers I see here? Exclaims Gaby.  
  
-Yep, it's me. Responds the guitarist with amusement.  
  
-Can I have an autograph, please? Nadia requests.  
  
-No problem.  
  
-And a picture with me to prove to everyone that I actually met you. Mika adds.  
  
** **-And here we go again... I roll my eyes.**  
  
  
I watch with amusement, Emil's father signing autographs and taking pictures with the army which I belong to. Then they begin a hectic discussion while drinking freshly German beer.  
  
 **  
** **-It's getting late. Paul exclaims, looking at his watch. I have to go, we'll meet again soon, I'm sure.  
  
-It's a pity... Declares May-Rin, sad. We liked to discuss with you, Mr. Landers.  
  
-Me too girls. The brown smiles, then adds to me: By the way, I heard you calling them "Ramm-Girls," you're the famous rock band on Youtube?  
  
-Y- You know this band? I ask, surprised.  
  
-People who are interested in German music, yes. Landers says, rising and then he takes his phone. Before I forget, I leave you my phone number, this way you can contact me if something goes wrong.  
  
** **-Thanks, Paul...**  
  
  
The famous guitarist salutes us then leaves. When we remain alone, I turn to my friends.  
 **  
  
** **-It was... Wow! I am short of words. Mika says.  
  
-You were not able to be discreet during at least ten minutes? I ask them, falsely upset.  
  
-Kill-Joy! Gabriella shouts, throwing a cushion on me. Stop playing the indifferent, he belongs to your favorite trio!  
  
-Yes, the little Mexican is right. Add all the girls. Why did you do your indifferent to him?  
  
-Bah, what were you expecting? That I jump on him?! I should point out that I already... jumped on his son.** **I say uneasily.**  
  
  
All the girls look at me with bulging eyes and I just realize that I let out the secret I decided to keep deep in my heart.  
  
 **  
** **-Are you serious? The famous guitarist's son? Nadia requests. You've developed Stockholm Syndrome in just two weeks?  
  
-I prefer not to talk about it, plus I need my medication now. I retort, standing up.  
  
  
**I go to my room to get my box of medicines but this decision makes me purchased by five furies. **  
  
  
-Come on, tell us... Insists the doctor's daughter.** **We are your best friends, you know?**  
  
  
I respond nothing and rather swallow a very bitter cachet, then go back to the living room to clean a bit. A wall of girls block my way.  
  
  
 **-Let the cleaning for later and tells us...  
  
** **-Good, okay... I sigh, rolling my eyes.**  
  
  
We settle on the sofas then I start to tell them my kidnap but I avoid the juicy details, to keep some privacy.  
 **  
  
** **-Can you lend me this kidnapper? Fleure requests. I saw some pictures of him on television, he's hot!  
  
-We made a promise to stay together, he also made me put on this ring.** **I declare, showing it.**  
  
  
The sound of the opening door draws my attention. I see a blond hair appearing upon the living room's entery, that of Dany.  
  
  
 **-Hi girls ! Salutes my big brother.  
  
- _Amor_! Exclaims Gaby, rushing toward him. I missed you !  
  
** **-You saw him yesterday... I say, raising an eyebrow mockingly.**  
  
  
Dany displays an air of surprise at seeing me talking. He releases his girlfriend and comes towards me.  
  
 **  
** **-I'm so happy that you came back, sis. He kisses my forehead. You finally recovered your voice.  
  
-Jim got a visit from a beautiful brown. Nadia informs.  
  
-Visit !? Who was it ? Questions the blond.  
  
-Paul Heiko Landers... I respond with a sigh. He** **'s my kidnapper's father.**  
  
  
The expression on my brother's face suddenly changes from amusement to anger but his girlfriend comforts him by telling him the reason of his visit and everything about it.  
  
  
I go into my room, when my friends went back home, and Dany got out with his Mexican girl, carrying my bag. I dig out my phone and also the CD and poster that I stick to the wall.  
  
  
I also get out the tablet's pocket and open it to write in my diary but a small bag falls from it. I pick it up and open it to discover a Rammstein's ring and a note.  
  
  
 **"Please forgive me for being a fool, I have this for you and it's my father's official ring. I hope you like this little gift.** **Emil Reinke "**  
  
  
I put the ring around my thumb and then turn on my tablet and wait a moment it starts. Here, feeling of sick overwhelms me I run straight to the bathroom and empty my stomach over the bowl.  
  
  
Once I feel better, I brush my teeth then go back to the touch-pad and discover the wallpaper I put; a selfie of Emil and me.  
  
  
I sigh and then open the page of my diary and start writing about my hospital stay, nausea also that overwhelm me, not to forger the visit of Paul Landers... my stepfather.  
  
  
I write for a while when my phone starts ringing, I take it and discover that it's Michaela.  
  
  
 **-You missed me too quickly, my lovely tiger? I laugh at her.  
  
-You can't be serious, Jim? She launches back. It's my father who wants to see you tomorrow.  
  
-Why ? I ask anxiously.  
  
-I have no idea, but he says it's urgent.  
  
-I'll pass at 09 h in the morning, I'll find you in his clinic?  
  
** **-OK see you tomorrow...**  
  
  
I hang up and go to bed and lie on it thinking about the reason for the doctor's invitation. I quickly sink into darkness.  
  
  
Ellipse ~ morning ~  
  
  
I stand at the clinic's door, where Jacob Sheppard works in parallel with the hospital. I tighten his daughter's hand in mine and then knock on the door.  
  
  
A moment passes and we hear the "enter", I look at my friend who turns the door's handle and opens it. We both enter and I notice the worry displayed on the doctor's face.  
  
 **  
** **-Sit down, Jimaima. Invites the doctor.** **What you'll hear will rush you, I'm sure.**  
  
  
I sit on the chair next to the office then look, questioningly, to the redhead. He hesitates a moment and then opens his mouth.  
  
  
 **-Jimaima... I don't know if this is good or bad news but I want to say to you that you are holding a being inside you. Drops the doctor with contraction.  
  
-What ?!  
  
-Jim! You are pregnant !?** **Mika cries out.**  
  
  
  
 _ **  
** **to be continued...**_


	13. I'm- What !!?

I look at Jacob and then at his daughter trying to understand what I just heard. I can't be pregnant having done it only two times with one guy. Can I?  
  
  
 **-In Which month or week am I? I ask the doctor.  
  
-Almost the second month, it's Emil Reinke's son, isn't it? He worries.  
  
-Who do you think then? I respond with anger but soon calm down when I see him surprised.** **Sorry, I didn't want to yell at you, but I am troubled...**  
  
  
The doctor gets up from his seat and comes behind me, then puts his hands on my shoulders to calm me down.  
  
  
 **-I understand your upset feeling to find out that you're pregnant with your kidnapper's baby. He retorts.  
  
-It's not this, I'm just afraid of the reaction that will have my parents if they know about it.  
  
-You mean... you'll keep the baby? Mika wonders.  
  
-I Keep my baby anyway. I say, patting my belly. But you must promise me not to tell the Carters.  
  
-But my duty as a doctor persists in putting your parents aware of the situation to avoid war with them.  
  
-Don't tell them anything, please. I beg him with my sweet eyes. At least until I'm out.  
  
-You're intending to escape, Jim? Says my friend with surprise.  
  
-I don't know... I say, shaking my head negatively.** **I feel lost...  
**  
  
I ask the doctor permission to dispose off his office and go out with my girl friend to the wilderness corridor in time of crossbred.  
  
 **  
** **-Jim I- Starts Michaela but I stop her.  
  
-Stop being sorry for me, Mika. I blow. I will keep the child...  
  
-And are you going to tell his father about it? She asks with interest.  
  
** **-I don't know, but please don't say anything to the girls, I'll tell them by myself.**  
  
  
My friend accompanies me in her car to the house then immediately leaves. I look at the car leaving, then return to the door and open it then get inside.  
  
 **  
** **-Where have you been, Jimaima? Dany, who is in the living room, wonders.  
  
-Gone to see my friend, she has a little problem right now. I respond, starting to climb the stairs.  
  
-Stop escaping me like this, what have I done to you? Exclaims the blond, coming towards me.  
  
-This is not your fault, Dany. I retort, stopping on a step. I just want to be alone.  
  
-But why ? I don't understand you anymore!** **He starts to get angry.**  
  
  
I close my eyes and let a tear roll down my cheek. I have always told my secrets to my brother but it's no longer the case.  
  
  
 **-Tell me why ? Insists the blond.** **I want to know the cause of this sudden distance between us.**  
  
  
I turn to him to ask him to leave me alone when feeling sick overwhelms me. I run to the nearest bathroom upstairs, then empty my stomach.  
  
 **  
** **-What do you have, Serpentia? Asks Carter, using my band name.  
  
-It's nothing, you can go now. I answer but vomit again.** **I think I ate something that put me in this mess.**  
  
  
I hear footsteps approaching me and my brother supports my forehead and puts my hair back behind my head.  
  
 **  
** **-You lie badly, sis... He sighs, shaking his head.**  
  
  
A moment passes and when I feel I'm not going to empty my stomach, I stand up go to brush my teeth. I am get ready to leave the shower but Daniel grabs me by the arm.  
  
  
 **-Why haven't you told me directly? He asks with a deep voice but his anxious tone betrayed him.  
  
-I don't know what you're talking about. I say, pulling my hand to release it. Let me rather go to my room.  
  
-I'm not this stupid to not notice what all these nausea means, since when are you pregnant?  
  
-Jim, what are you?! Yells a voice that belongs, no doubt, to my mother.  
  
-Mom !! Panics my brother.** **you're back home?**  
  
  
Samantha doesn't answer her son's question and looks at me, rather, in horror. That's it I'm in trouble, thank you Daniel !!  
  
  
 **-What the hell I just heard? She yells at me.  
  
-Mom, calm down... Starts my brother. Don't raise your blood pressure.  
  
-Shut your mouth, Dany !! She cries on the false brunette then back to me. Who is the father of this abortion?  
  
** **-I forbid you to treat-**  
  
  
The sentence doesn't end because I get a slap that sends me against the wall. I pull myself together then face the blonde with hatred.  
  
  
 **-Respond to me, dirty whore !! You make yourself down in all the cellars, bitch !!  
  
-Emil Reinke Landers... I spit in her face. Who else could have done it without my permission?  
  
-I doubted it... Shit, I'll call the family's doctor to get an appointment, I refuse this thing to remain in you.  
  
-I am an adult and responsible for my actions... I shout with hatred.** **I will soon be 19 years old to leave home for good.**  
  
  
Samantha approaches to hit me but Dany gets between us. Then she gets back but still looks at me with that horror glow in her eyes.  
  
  
 **-Take her to her room and don't let her out, I'm going now to get your father.** **She orders, outgoing.**  
  
  
 _My sickness slips inside you ...  
  
Drowning in my poison  
  
Desperately I hide too from heaven  
  
Now we'll be together  
  
I can make you better  
  
_ _Siphon your pain in me, so I bleed_  
  
  
We remain, my brother and I, like status staring at each other but neither of us has the courage to speak up and say his way of thinking to the other.  
  
  
 _Feed your dreams to fishes ...  
  
Lie about your wishes  
  
Eat away at your time, seconds are mine  
  
Sometimes It Seems we're toxic  
  
Wake me up and shock it  
  
My low self-esteem  
  
_ _Can make me scream_  
  
  
 **-You have to go now, Jim. Says my brother. The darone will not let you without making you abort the baby.  
  
-You think leaving is a good idea? Besides I don't know where to go...  
  
** **-Find yourself a hotel and avoid your girl friends because they'll seek there first, now run pack your luggage.**  
  
  
It's no way to let them hurt my baby, he did nothing to deserve such grandparents. I have to make a decision fast.  
  
  
 _In my tears ...  
  
Don't let me drown  
  
My fears ... Do not make a sound  
  
My tears ...  
  
Don't break me down  
  
In my tears ...  
  
_ _Don't let me drown_  
  
  
I get up from the ground and then smile weakly. The decision is taken, and I can't get back. I will rid the floor...  
  
  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	14. Better run away

I go to my room and bring down one of my bags that I use for long journey, I empty most of my wardrobe, it's the middle of autumn and it's cold so I take warm and comfortable clothes.  
  
  
I put my laptop in his pack, my phone and tablet in my bag and my guitar ESP RZK II in its case. Well, it's true that it's weird to take my guitar on my escape but I don't want to get separated from it.  
  
  
 **-You finished to pack? Asks the blond, entering my room. I called a taxi and it will not be long in coming.  
  
-All is in order but I need my ID card and my passport. I answer him.** **Nobody knows if I will leave the country.**  
  
  
Dany takes down the suitcase and other items at the hallway and at this moment, I hear the creaking of the tires of a car that stops. I feel my heart misses a beat, fearing they are the darons that are back home.  
  
  
I run to the nearest window and take a look outside and to my delight, the taxi is here. My big brother takes out the luggage then helps the taxi driver to put them in the trunk.  
  
  
I leave the house and head to the car but before entering, I turn and look at the house where I lived all this years. I sigh and enter to sit in the back seats.  
  
  
 **-Everything is ready. Says the blond, coming back toward me. Now you have to go to Octavio's hotel; _"L'étoile Filante"_.  
  
-Going to New York, but why? I ask thoughtfully.  
  
-The farther you are, the safer you will be. Replies the blond and hands me a sum of money. You'll need it.  
  
-I can't take it, I'll use my own savings. I retort. Also-  
  
** **-Don't worry, Sis, it's the money that I keep for emergencies, and this is an emergency.**  
  
  
I hug him and he wishes me good luck and then gives the hotel address to the driver. And then it starts.  
  
  
I hold, somehow, my tears that threatens to fall and then wave goodbye to my big brother. I never imagined that something like this will happen and separate me from my family.  
  
  
During the long trip, I look at the landscape and the road passes before me in the side window while stroking my belly to ensure my child that everything is okay. I finally, after one hour, fall asleep on the seat.  
  
 **  
** **-Miss Carter, we arrived.** **Announces the driver, waking me up.**  
  
  
I stretch and put in order my hair and get off the taxi, I pay the driver who brings down my suitcases and asks an employee to help me move the luggage. This one brings a trolley and guides me to the reception.  
  
 **  
** **-I want to rent a room for a week, please. I kindly ask the receptionist.  
  
-Sorry Miss, all the rooms are taken, the last that was available is the property of Carter.  
  
-I'm Jimaima Carter, miss. I say pulling my ID card out of my bag.  
  
-Pardon, I'll fix everything at once and then you can get into your room.** **Smiles the girl.**  
  
  
I look at the receptionist while she writes my informations on her work computer. Ten minutes later, she gives me my key card and then calls another employee to show me my room.  
  
  
On my way to the elevator, I cross the path of a bald man who wears sunglasses. He notes these and drag me but I do not retorted and continued my way. There he joined me and is interested.  
 **  
  
** **-Christian Armando Perez. He hands me his hand to shake it.  
  
-I am aware of who you are, sir, but I'm not interested. I respond, revolving around.  
  
-Somebody is not interested in me? Really? Says the bald, questioningly, then follows me. We can, perhaps, have a drink?  
  
-Leave the girl alone, Pitt.** **Calls a man's voice a bit far.**  
  
  
I turn around and see Octavio, my brother's friend, coming to us with worthy of a wealthy manager approach.  
  
  
 **-Miss Carter! Nice to see you! All is well with you ? He exclaims.  
  
-A moment ago all was going ok, except that here I find myself with a womanizer who doesn't want to release my shoes. I say with a shrug.  
  
-Forgive him; it's his habit of making the interesting. He sighs and then resumes to the singer: I told you to avoid the hotel girls, amigo!  
  
- _va bene, va bene_ , I'm leaving. He smiles at the director then makes me a wink. See you around, beauty...  
  
-Even not in your dreams, Mr. Perez!** **I say to him, irritably.**  
  
  
Octavio laughs and this makes the bald singer smirks then blasts at him, he leaves muttering under his breath in Portuguese.  
  
  
 **-I didn't expect to see Pitbull here. I say, getting into the elevator.  
  
-This Hotel receives celebrities most often, they like to be discreet. Says the Mexican, joining me. Otherwise, what are you doing here?  
  
-I came to spend a week in order to change ideas.** **I answer, pressing the button that closes the door.**  
  
  
We remain silent after this exchange and when the elevator stops at my floor, I follow the employee who leads me to the room where I'll stay. It is the 268, I open the door with the key card and enter.  
  
  
I look with mesmerize at the modern room's decors then put away my stuff and go take a bath that will put me in shape.  
  
  
Once the bath finished, I wear a dress and get down my apartment and go for a little walk around. I meet various stars of America and also Europe but don't pay attention to them.  
  
  
Ellipse ~ a week ~  
  
  
I've been hiding in this hotel without any contact with the outside world, since a week. I have crossed various stars in this building but I preferred to stay in my corner, not wanting to attract the intention on me.  
  
  
This morning I made my intimate care then got showered. I put on a dress in which I feel comfortable and then lay down on the sofa and turn on the television to watch a movie. Suddenly the ringing of my phone makes me jump.  
  
  
I look for it everywhere because I lost it and it's since a while I'm sure because nobody calls me. I lean down and look under my bed, I pick it up and answer.  
  
  
 **-Hello, Dany? You didn't call me for a week, I began to worry !!  
  
-No Time to lose, you must leave immediately. Orders my brother. The darons found your stash.  
  
-I rid the floor right now, besides my week is over.** **I say, hanging up.**  
  
  
I start quickly storing my equipment then request that the reception send me help to lower my luggage. Once outside, I hide in the hotel's park and watch as Gabriel's car parks in the parking.  
  
  
 **-What are you going here? Asks a voice that almost stopped my heart.  
  
-What do you think, Octavio?** **I ask without really expecting an answer from him.**  
  
  
He smiles amicably then looks toward the building where just passed away his friend's parents.  
  
  
 **-They will not find anything about you. Says the métis. Danny called me to warn about their arrival.  
  
** **-Thank you...**  
  
  
I sigh with relief, I have escaped it. Now I have to find another temporary hiding place, time to go unnoticed and be able to leave the country.  
  
  
 **-By the way, you can stay here as long as you want. He invites me. Your luggage is in the building.  
  
-Thanks, but I don't want to make a problem to you, I'll manage on my own.  
  
-As you want, but know that my door is always open for you.** **He says, starting to leave.**  
  
  
I take my phone out of my bag and begin to search for a number of a nearby hotel, when I come across a number I stupidly forgot.  
  
 **  
** **-But sure! I exclaim.** **I have only to call Landers and ask him to take me to his home for a while.**  
  
  
I press the call button and wait a few seconds, his voice finally answers from the other side of the network.  
  
 **  
** **-I was beginning to wonder when you will remember me, and voila you call. He jokes.  
  
** **-Listen to me Paul, I need your help...**  
  
  
Paul remains silent for a few seconds and I wonder what he's thinking about. Finally, his voice reaches me.  
  
  
 **-What's wrong, Jim? He begins to worry.  
  
-I ran away from my home... I say, feeling awkward.  
  
-What? But why ? I thought everything was going well with you !! He yells at me to pit my ears. Otherwise, I came to take you before.  
  
-I'll tell you everything once you get here, right now I'm in the hotel of _"L'étoile Filante"_.  
  
-Stay there, I'll pick you up immediately with Richard's black BMW, you know it, don't you?** **He asks.**  
  
  
Kruspe's BMW? I focus to remember it when a drop of water falls on me. Thin it starts raining !!  
  
  
 **-Jim? You're still here ? He gets me out of my thought.  
  
-Yes, yes sorry! So Kruspe's car is the one he just bought? I ask him.  
  
-Ok, I'm coming to take you... He says then I hear him talking to someone.  
  
-Don't take long, it starts to rain.** **I beg him.**  
  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	15. Hide me under your wing

I hang up and then take a seat on the park, the closest of parking to not miss my friend's arrival. The rain begins to fall gradually, but I don't care, I like the rain and the drops falling on me make me feel good.  
  
  
I savor the moment with my whole being when a sound of horn startles me, I turn to its source and see Paul getting out of the car, holding an umbrella.  
  
  
 **-Jim, I'm here... Come on, don't stay under the rain or you will get sick.**  
  
  
I get up from the bench and rush to the father of my first lover and then throw myself in his arms and begin to cry.  
  
  
 **-Oh, Paul... I'm too scared and I feel lost... I sob, tightly hugging him.  
  
** **-Hush, don't cry, I'm here now... Whispers the guitarist, holding me against him.**  
  
  
We stay a while under the rain tight against each other before Paul moves back and looks at me in the eyes.  
  
 **  
** **-You have luggage to take? He asks, stroking my wet hair.  
  
-They are at the hotel, Octavio was kind enough to keep them within, untill I leave.  
  
-Get in the car, I'll get them for you.** **Says the brown, starting to leave.**  
  
  
I open the car door and then go inside and take my place on the seat beside the driver. I enjoy the heat enveloping my body and sink gradually into Morpheus arms.  
  
  
I wake with a start, hearing the door's slamming sound. I yawn and look at Paul, who is sitting on the driver's seat.  
  
  
 **-I woke you up ? Sorry !! Apologizes Landers then adds. Your things are in the trunk, we will start.  
  
-Where do you live ? I ask him, looping the seat-belt.  
  
-An apartment lost somewhere in the middle of New York... He answers with a shrug.  
  
-If you say so. I whisper, almost forgetting in what mess I am. Do you have a towel? My hair is wet and I don't want to damage the car.  
  
-I think Richard keeps a towel under the driver's seat. Responds the brown.** **Moreover, I wonder what he uses it for.**  
  
  
I look under his seat and pull a piece of slightly crumpled napkin. I dry my hair and then put it back in its place.  
  
  
The path leading from the hotel to the apartment, that is in the middle of nowhere, passes silent. Finally, we arrive under a huge skyscrapers and Landers stops.  
  
 **  
** **-I can see this apartment in the middle of nowhere** **** **. I say, watching the building from the bottom up.  
  
-Come on !! Asks Paul who is already out.** **Don't stay in the car.**  
  
  
I unbuckle the belt then open the door and get out, slowly, from the car. A boy approaches us and offers his help, what Paul gladly accepts and I notice that they know each other.  
  
  
I follow the two men inside the building and in the elevator. Landers presses a button that shows a floor number and the doors close. He turns his attention on the boy and they begin a long discussion in a language that I believe to be Russian.  
  
  
Once in our floor, the two men carry my luggage and walk down a long corridor in which several doors with numbers are. Finally we arrive near the guitarist's house, he pulls out a magnetic card from his pocket and opens the door.  
  
 **  
** **-Thanks for the help, Freddy !! The brunette smiles to the young-man.  
  
-No problem, Paul. Responds the guy named Freddy with the same tone. Don't hesitate to ask for help, I am at your service.  
  
-I'll send a letter to Oliver from you. Paul salutes him.** **He will be happy to hear news from you.**  
  
  
The boy smiles and then starts to walk away in the long empty corridor. I hear his leaving steps then nothing. I look to Landers who enters and decide to follow him inside.  
  
  
 **-Welcome to my home. Exclaims the guitarist, depositing my bags in what looks like a living room.  
  
-It's a beautiful house! I complement.  
  
-Thanks... Okay, go take a shower and we'll talk about your escape after, during this time I'll call Richard.  
  
-Kruspe is still here in America? I say, surprised. He didn't go back to Germany with the rest of the band?  
  
-The others remained three weeks after the meeting but decided that it's time to go home.  
  
-And Richard? I ask questioningly. What is he doing here?  
  
-He's spending a little time here with his son. Answers my friend, then adds.** **Okay, enough talk, go to the bathroom because you need to take a good shower to get relaxed.**  
  
  
My friend takes me to the bathroom and then leaves me there. I enter the room and don't hesitate to get rid of my wet clothes and put myself under the hot water jet that makes me feel good.  
  
  
The shower finished, I look around me in search of what will help me to cover my body. My eyes fell on the robe attached to a hook that is fixed to the door.  
  
  
I don't hesitate a moment longer and take it even though it appears to be that of Kruspe, I wear it and then leave the room and start looking for Landers.  
 **  
  
** **-Paul? Where are you, the guitarist? I call him but remain in the hallway, fearing of surprising in a critical situation.  
  
-In the kitchen !! He answers me. Your luggage is in the room right down the hall.  
  
** **-Thanks, I'll get dressed and meet you.**  
  
  
I look for this, supposedly, room and found it after a few seconds. I enter and go directly to the big suitcase and empty it looking for comfortable clothing.  
  
  
Finally dressed with a large sweater and pants in canvas, I leave the room and go to the kitchen. I find Paul siting at a table and next to him is... Oh my god !! The rock god !!  
  
 **  
** **-Richard Zven Kruspe... I whisper, staring at him.  
  
-Ah, Jim !! Exclaims the brown, paying attention to my presence.** **Don't just stand there, come.**  
  
  
I nod my head affirmatively and begin to walk to them, but my eyes are fixed on the perfect body of the "Sexy Assy." I shake my head and turn back to my stepfather.  
  
  
 **-Paul called me and told me that you will stay with us for a while. Begins the lead-guitarist. It's nothing serious I think?  
  
-I ran away from home, Mr. Kruspe. I say sadly.  
  
-I beg you call me Richard.** **The sexy says, putting his hand on my shoulder.**  
  
  
I jump to this contact and look at him but my eyes fall right into his, making me blush. Richard seems amused by the situation, but Paul remains indifferent.  
  
  
 **-So, you ran away from home? Resumes the sexy. Why have you done this?  
  
-I just found out that I'm pregnant... I say through clenched teeth.** **And my mother didn't like it.**  
  
  
Paul suffocates with his juice and coughs loudly forcing Richard to hit him in the back.  
  
 **  
** **-I- I think it's Emil's child, isn't it? Asks the guitarist, who took a breath.  
  
** **-Yes, it's his baby... I whisper, blushing with embarrassment.**  
  
  
A heavy silence settles in the room and I feel the urge to run away to my room. I think that Paul doesn't like the idea that I'm carrying his grand-son. Suddenly Landers jumps off the table and starts dancing.  
  
  
 **-Yooopeee !! I am very happy, I will become Grandpa... I will become _Vatti_ !! ****He sings while dancing.**  
  
  
Richard shows happy air and smiles merrily, which warms my heart. I finally freed myself of the burden on my heart that keeps me going. My stepfather agreed to his little son, and this is a good sign.  
  
  
 **-I'm happy, very happy !! Paul cries out hugging me against him.  
  
-Stop, we understood it. Richard jokes. Release the girl now you're suffocating her.  
  
-Oh, yes forgive me. Says the shorter member of Rammstein. You'll stay with us, then?  
  
-I don't know where to go, so I don't have the choice to stay... I answer with a shrug.  
  
-So, welcome to our place !!** **Richard and Paul say in chorus.**  
  
  
 Ellipse ~ five days ~  
  
  
A moment lapsed since I live with my stepfather and I haven't been tracked down by my parents. Besides, talking about them, I have no news of Dany or my friends and this put me out of harm's way.  
  
  
This morning I'm doing some cleaning to be helpful, when I hear the knock on the door. Both men are out and I don't think it's them who are back home because they each have their key cards.  
  
  
The noise continues and pushes me to stop the music playing in my laptop and to approach slowly the door to look through the peephole to see who is behind. My heart races...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	16. The judgment...

EMIL POV:  
  
A week passed and I'm still here within these four walls. I await for my trial but I feel more and more weak.  
  
  
During this weeks I have received many visits from Paul but I refused to meet him, I can't forget that mom died because of him. James also visited me and put a lawyer in my service, although it's a lost cause in advance.  
  
  
Today I will go in the court in front of the judges to let them give me a punishment for what I did. My lawyer told me that Jimaima had mysteriously disappeared but the others will continue my judgment.  
 **  
  
** **-Get prepared, Reinke. Says the guardian, opening the door of my prison.** **Your lawyer is here to see you.**  
  
  
Nobody understands that I don't want to fight, that all I desire now is to go away and never make them hear about me again. I even think that my boss let me down in this situation.  
  
 **  
** **-Mr Reinke? I'm talking to you... He makes me get out of my dreams.  
  
-I'll follow you.** **I tell him, putting on my shoes and my jacket.**  
  
  
We walk, for a few minutes, in a long corridor and then stop in front of a small room with a two-way mirror.  
  
 **  
** **-Your lawyer awaits you here.** **Longbottom says, opening the door.**  
  
  
I enter the interrogation room and go straight to sit in front of the master of the court, Antares Gordon.  
  
  
 **-Sir Landers. He greets me, shaking my hand.  
  
-I beg you, Master Gordon, call me Reinke. I say in a low tone.  
  
-Ok, Mr. Reinke. He corrects himself then adds. I'm here to tell you about today's judgment.  
  
-The judgment doesn't matter to me, I want to know if they have found Jimaima...  
  
-Unfortunately not, the girl can't be found.** **He nods sadly.**  
  
  
I hold my head in my hands and remain in this lower position until I feel a hand on my shoulder.  
  
 **  
** **-Don't lose hope, you'll get out of here I'm sure. Comforts** **my lawyer.**  
  
  
They put me back in my prison, waiting for my judgment's time in the tribunal. When this time comes, they find me doing the hundred steps like a lion in a cage.  
  
  
They put the handcuffs on me then get me in a police car and we leave for the court. The ride goes silent because there is only my lawyer and two other police officers who are not very talkative.  
  
  
Arriving near the general court, I notice all the journalists who are gathered in front of the entrance, waiting for my arrival. I haven't ,perhaps, said it before but I am a famous actor known in my country, and even in the others.  
  
  
 **-Sir Reinke !! Exclaims a journalist next to me. Can you tell us- ?  
  
-Reinke, Mr. Reinke !! Cuts off another journalist.** **Let me take your picture for tomorrow's newspaper.**  
  
  
The two police officers, who are surrounding me, prevent the journalists from reaching me then they escort me to the court of justice. I turn around and see the guards preventing others from entering.  
  
  
- **Reinke, keep your blood cold.** **Wonders my lawyer. Everything will be fine, don't worry.  
  
-I trust you, Master Gordon.** **I say, although I think the opposite inside of me.**  
  
  
I enter the judgment(s hall and sit in the guilty's place. I look around me and see that my Jima's parents are here, as well as her big brother who's called Daniel, and their lawyer; Benjamin Simmons.  
  
  
A long time passes before I notice that we are in a closed trial. The judge finally enters, followed by his court and they settle at their headquarters.  
  
  
 **-We're here for the trial of Mr. Emil Reinke Landers for the following crimes: A kidnap, Cary of weapons without authorization, murder and rape. What says the accuser's lawyer?  
  
-Mr. Judge, my client- Starts Master Gordon.  
  
-Didn't kidnap me, we were dating.** **Interrupts a voice, my Jim !!**  
  
  
I return towards the source of the voice to be sure that I am not dreaming. I see her in all the splendor, accompanied by Paul Landers.  
  
  
 **-And you are ? Asks the judge.  
  
-Jimaima Carter, Mr. judge and I came to confirm the innocence of Emil Reinke who's here now.** **She answers.**  
  
  
Her mother gets up and tries to reach her but the father catches her arm and makes her sit down with a glare. Something is not going well between this two, I'm sure.  
 **  
  
** **-So miss Carter, you said that Mr. Reinke didn't kidnap you while we have the judgment of your friend, Jason Black, who was the last one you contacted that day.**  
  
  
I feel my heart skipping a beat and turn back to the girl and wait for her to say something, anything.  
  
 **  
** **-It was a joke to make him aware of my relationship with Emil but it turned out badly when the chip on my phone has blown. Responds the girl with safety.  
  
-Shit, what are you playing with, Jimaima? I wonder, internally.  
  
-Let's presume that's true, but what about the boy that Reinke killed? Asks** **the judge, in a neutral tone.**  
  
  
Because the boy is dead?! Fuck, I'm in trouble here !!  
  
 **  
** **-No sir, the boy isn't dead because Emil didn't want kill him. Says the girl with insurance. He only wanted to scary him.  
  
-But why has he shot him, anyway?** **Her lawyer asks.**  
  
  
I see, very well, Jimaima ignoring the guy's with glasses question and turn back to the judge and his court.  
 **  
  
** **-In our trip, we made a pose in a small supermarket to buy our provisions, and that is where the guy came to me. Begins the girl.  
  
-What happened later, Miss Carter? Master Gordon asks her.  
  
** **-The boy began to flirt with me, which didn't please me at all, and when my lover was back from the store he bacame furious and shot him.**  
  
  
I know very well that my face's expression now looks like the one of a goldfish out of water. I really didn't expect to hear all of this from her.  
  
  
 **-Doctor Sheppard shared with us some informations saying you're pregnant after being raped by the accused...**  
  
  
I swallow loudly on hearing the announcement, Jim's... pregnant!? She really carries my child in her womb?  
  
  
 **-It's for the baby that I ran away, sir. Says the girl. My parents didn't accept the news about me being pregnant.  
  
-Where do you live now, Miss Carter? Asks my lawyer.  
  
-I live with my stepfather Paul Landers, who is here. Responds my girl.  
  
-Your what !? I exclaim. You live with that bastard Landers?  
  
-Paul Landers is not an asshole, Emil. Says Jimaima. He greeted me when everybody ignored me.  
  
-Miss Carter, please sit down, let's see what we can do.** **The judge tells her.**  
  
  
She passes near me and sits next to my father who holds her against him. Daniel gets up and goes to them. I return my attention to the judge who discusses with his teammates.  
  
  
A crazy time passes before the judge turns to us and clears his throat, a gesture meaning that he intends to say something.  
  
  
 **-Well... Starts the man of law.** **We came to a conclusion...**  
  
  
I stop breathing and stare at the judge's lips, waiting for something...  
  
  
  
  
 **to be continued...**


	17. Swimming against the stream

Jimaima POV:  
  
The noise continues and pushes me to stop the music that's playing in my phone and to approach slowly to the door to look through the peephole to see who is behind. My heart races...  
  
  
I cast a nervous glance through the peephole and see a very familiar redhead young man standing on the other side of the door.  
  
**  
-Freddy? I wonder internally. What the hell is he doing here, this guy?**  
  
  
I get back then go to search for the magnetic card that Paul left for me in case of emergency, I remove the chain that locks the door and open it.  
  
**  
-Good morning Miss, is Paul here? Wonders the redhead.  
  
-He's absent, why are you asking for him? I ask, staring at the envelope he holds in his hand.  
  
-A letter just arrived for him from the court. He answers.  
  
-Paul is, unfortunately, not here but I can give it to him. I drop, reaching my hand out to him.**  
  
  
The boy looks at me for a moment and then makes a gesture that I was not expecting. He grabs my hand and pulls me toward him.  
  
  
**-Let me go !! I scream with anger. Otherwise-  
  
-Otherwise what little doll? Says the young man sarcastically. No one will hear you here, in addition Paul is absent.**  
  
  
He drags me by force, by the hair, to the living room and throws me on the sofa and begins to remove his jacket. I look at him in horror and my brain starts to work quickly.  
  
  
I released myself once to the will of Emil without fighting but I refuse this to happen again, not with the boy who wants to harm me.  
  
  
I look at him as he approaches and get my nails ready to scratch his skin. He leans at me and tries to remove my dress but I shove my claws in his neck and hit him between the legs.  
  
  
**-Fucking shit !! Fred swears, sticking his family jewels. I will kill you.**  
  
  
I get up and run to the door to escape but once outside I bump against a muscular body. Without looking who it is, I bypass the person and hide behind him.  
  
  
**-Where are you hiding, Bit-. Starts the agent pursuing me but shuts his mouth immediately.  
  
-Can I know what you are doing here, Weasley? Asks my protector.  
  
-Richard I swear, it's not what you think... The boy mumbles, horrified by the look displayed on the guitarist's face.  
  
-What is it then ? Shouts the brown, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
-I came to deliver a letter to Paul and she attacked me. Lies the culprit.**  
  
  
Eh? My ears really heard what _Mister_ just said? He attacked me in my home and now he tries to wipe his knife on me, like it's me who attacked him?  
  
  
**-What is happening- ? Asks Paul, getting out of the elevator. Jim, what are you doing outside?  
  
-Your shitty guardian just attacked my daughter, Paul. He answers his colleague's question. I was right about not feeling this guy.**  
  
  
The redhead squirms in place and tries to defend his life's sake in front of the other guitarist.  
  
**  
-Paul, don't believe him... He begs. It was her who attacked me.  
  
-How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter? I trusted you and hired you as a bodyguard.  
  
-Paul...  
  
-You are fired, bastard !! He yells above the redhead, very angry. I never want to see you hanging around here.**  
  
  
I circle my arms around Richard's muscular body and start to cry in his back. I'm really unlucky to cause so much damage around me. I want to disappear and never come back.  
  
  
**-Jim, everything is fine... don't cry, okay? Richard whispers holding me against him. Come, let's go.**  
  
  
Richard... I always imagined uncatholic scenes in his muscular arms. I must say that I had a crush on him more than the others but now everything has collapsed. I have Emil and he sees me just as a daughter.  
  
  
We return, both of us, in the apartment and found Paul reading the letter that I really forgotten, the events that have just happened have messed me.  
  
  
**-My son's judgment is for tomorrow... Whispers the second guitarist to us. I just received a convocation.  
  
-My Emil... I murmur, but this is only what I say.**  
  
  
 Ellipse ~ the next day ~  
  
  
**-Are you ready, Jimaima? Kruspe's voice calls me.  
  
-Yes, uncle Richard. I tell him from my room. One minute and I arrive.**  
  
  
I am trying to prepare myself to go attend my first lover's judgment. It's no way to let him drown without doing anything. I go to the living room and find the two friends.  
  
  
**-Are you sure about what you'll do, Jim? Wonders my Stepfather.  
  
-I must get him out of this mess. I respond, rolling the ring around my finger. If it's not for him, maybe for his son.  
  
-Let's go then. Says Richard.  
**  
  
We drive for a while in Richard's car towards the court where the trial will take place. I know we are late for about a quarter of an hour but it doesn't matter, as long as the VIP entrees are the best.  
  
  
Arrived, I notice the journalists around but don't pay attention to them. I do my best to pass the policemen who are guarding the closed room and then get into the court.  
  
  
At the end of my testimony, I bow down to the judge and then take place next to my stepfather, without paying attention to my parents. Dany gets up and comes toward me.  
  
  
**-Where the fuck were you ? He starts with a serious tone. I was sacred for you.  
  
-Not now, we must first hear what Mr. Judge decided. I answer him.**  
  
  
The room becomes strangely silent, I look around in search of the source of this sudden atmosphere when the judge tapes on the desk with his gavel for getting attention.  
  
  
**-Well... Starts the man of law. We came to a conclusion... Seeing what the victim herself has said, Mr. Reinke is free to leave but he will pay damages for the boy on which he had shot...**  
  
  
Paul holds me in his arms and kisses my forehead and then whispers "thank you" that goes straight to my heart and I smile back.  
  
  
**-But- about the gun that Reinke holds without permission... Says one of the members of the court.  
  
-Sir, my client has papers showing that the weapon is permitted. Says Emil's lawyer.  
  
-On this... the meeting is raised, you can dispose. Announces the judge.  
  
-Does it mean that my son is free to go? Asks Paul.  
  
-Not right now, Mr. Landers. Responds one of the court's members. He must first sign some papers to confirm that he's indeed free, you can recover him in two or three hours maximum.**  
  
  
My stepfather gets up and gives me his arm to catch then help me to stand on my feet. I run a comforting smile to my lover and then look at the police who get him out of the room.  
  
  
We get out too and I avoid, for the second time, my parents and go ahead to the car.  
**  
  
-Jim, wait !! Calls my brother. We need to talk.**  
  
  
I wave him to meet me in the car of my uncle and after the presentations, the two friends leave us alone. Daniel begins to ask any questions that go through his head.  
  
  
**-Why have you cleared Emil? He asks, nervously playing with her hair.  
  
-I haven't done anything... I lie, shaking my head. That's what happened.  
  
-Will you come back home now that everything is settled?  
  
-I don't know. I say, patting my belly. You saw Samantha's reaction while knowing about my condition.**  
  
  
Daniel displays an air of compassion and hugs me in his arms and whispers words of comfort. A squealing tire makes us out of our touching scene.  
  
  
**-Your little Mexican is here. Paul calls us, bumping against the glass.  
  
-Good, I'll go. Says the young man, releasing me. We'll see each other after.  
  
-Later, so. I mumble goodbye.**  
  
  
Time passes slowly, very very slowly for my taste and I start to become impatient with the idea of going to see my Emil.  
  
  
**-Ouch!! Richard cries out, next to me. Jim !! Will you stop sinking your claws into anything that's in your passage?  
  
-Forgive me, Uncle Richard. I exclaim, not very sure of myself. I'm anxious.  
  
- _Alles Ist gut_ (all is okay). Richard says with his German tone. You worry about nothing.**  
  
  
The time finally arrives and I go out of the car, not accompanied, and head to the court. I walk hesitantly and every step that makes me approach the building makes me nervous.  
  
  
I arrive at the front door and cross it, then take a long corridor. I glance around me, looking for some sign that will help me find my angel, but this is hardly lost.  
  
  
**-I, who never like to find myself in a court. I mumble under my breath. In addition, where are the guards?**  
  
  
I advance more in the hallway but then fall face to face with what makes my blood stop after a single round. No !! Not my Emil, not with this girl...  
  
  
I see what makes my blood run cold. Emil was lying to me, he didn't like me he used me. And I fell into his trap like a fool.  
  
  
  
  
_**to be continued...**_


	18. Even without you... life goes on

I hold back a despair tear and walk towards them, the girl doesn't seem surprised to see me because she looks at me with a mischievous smile displayed on her face.  
  
  
I remove the ring that is around my finger and throw it on Reinke's face, before turning to the girl and give her a thump in the face that makes her fall backwards.  
  
  
 **-Forget that I existed, Emil Reinke Landers !! I spit with hatred.** **Goodbye dirty traitor...**  
  
  
I begin to get away from him, ignoring his protests, and I go out to the parking lot where I find Gabriella's car near the entrance. Without getting invited, I go to the back seat.  
  
  
Seeing the funeral face I'm displaying, my brother and his girlfriend look at me with a glint of anxiety in their eyes.  
  
  
 **-something wrong, Sis? Wonders the blond.  
  
-You know you can tell us anything? Adds his girlfriend.  
  
-He's a dirty traitor. I start, feeling the tears threatening to fall. I saw them with my own eyes.  
  
-You are talking about Emil, right? Daniel says angrily. I'm going to cut-  
  
-No, stay here it's useless to fight with him.** **I reply, taking him by the arm.**  
  
  
I lean towards the blond and stroke his hair as if to say "everything is fine, don't worry about me" and then I see through the front window that Paul is looking for me in the cars around us.  
  
 **  
** **-My father is looking for me. I announce to the couple. I think I have to go.  
  
-You will not come with us? Carter says with surprise.  
  
** **-I will never set my feet in the house... I say sadly, opening the door.**  
  
  
My brother and his girlfriend get out too. The blond bypasses the car and comes toward me, one hand in his pocket.  
  
  
 **-Before you leave, father sent this for you. He says pulling out a credit card.** **He's telling you that you'll have a payment each month, make good use.**  
  
  
I hug the young man, who is my brother, in my arms. I always kept the tears inside me without getting them out, but now I can't hold them anymore.  
  
  
 **-Hey, don't cry... Daniel whispers, wiping my tears. Stay strong.  
  
-Put a cross on Emil, Jim. Comforts my girl friend. He's not the only man on this planet, look a bit who you live with...  
  
-I can't get him out of my head, maybe after some time.** **I answer.**  
  
  
Daniel waves at my father and asks him to join us. When Paul arrives next to us, he looks at me questioningly.  
  
 **  
** **-Where is Emil? He asks, frowning.  
  
-Your Son of sh- Begins my brother angrily but I put my hand over her mouth.  
  
-Gone with his new girlfriend? I say flatly, shrugging.  
  
-How, his new girlfriend? Exclaims Richard, who joins us.** **Emil left you?**  
  
  
Gabriella looks at the lead-guitarist then nods her head affirmatively. I hear the beautiful brown swearing between his teeth and muttering, saying that young people of this days are less responsible.  
  
 **  
** **-Good, We will go back home. Paul says to calm his friend. You'll come with us, Jimaima?  
  
-I have nowhere to go, so I'm going with you. I answer. If you don't mind, of course...  
  
-Not at all. Says Richard, this time.** **You know you're welcome.**  
  
  
I turn back to my old family then throw myself into the arms of my friend Gabriella and share a long embrace.  
  
  
 **-We'll meet one of this days.** **I say to them, following my father.  
**  
  
Ellipse ~ two days ~  
  
  
It's been a while since I discovered Emil's betrayal. I locked myself in my room these two days doing nothing than writing (which is my second passion after the band), cleaning and preparing meals of my roommates.  
  
  
My condition seems to worry the two guitarists who look at me every day, sinking into despair. Paul even tried to get me out of my world but I was afraid to face my destiny.  
 **  
  
** **-Jim we're going out Richard and me. Says my father, coming into my little world.  
  
-Where are you going to ? I demand, getting my eyes away from my computer screen. And no way that you eat outside.  
  
-You mean "where are we going to? " We intend to take you with us. Says Richard.  
  
-No, I want to stay at home...  
  
-Locked in your room to rail against my son?** **It's no way to leave you here, you'll come with us.**  
  
  
The lead-guitarist starts walking toward me with a wicked smile on his lips. Before I can do anything, I find myself on his shoulder.  
  
 **  
** **-Richaaaaaard! Release me immediately. I groan, kicking in all directions.  
  
** **-This is not my intention. Responds the muscular, with fun. At least not yet.  
  
-Paul tell him to put me down. I beg my stepfather.  
  
-I can't do anything. Retorts the short, shrugging.** **He's the one who makes decisions.  
**  
  
Richard takes me out of my room and Paul follows us, and I notice we are approaching the door.  
  
  
 **-I can't go out like this, Paul. I manifest myself. I'm in shorts and tank top.  
  
-Don't worry beauty, we'll deal with it.** **Meets my carrier.**  
  
  
The "Sexy Assy" drops me in front of the car when we get down the building, then opens the door gracefully.  
  
  
Paul suggests that we go, first, to find a shop for rank clothes. Richard chooses a green dress that is not very slinky and sandals. Arriving at the counter to pay, I insist to pay with my money but the shortest refuses.  
  
  
 **-You can count it as a gift. He says, giving me a wink.  
  
-No, I don't want to become a weight on your shoulders. I exclaim, shaking my head.  
  
-It doesn't bother me in the least to pay you things.  
  
-We will stay here researching who will pay? Richard asks with a false bored voice.** **Give, it's me who will pay.**  
  
  
Once the purchases paid (by me of course) Richard leads us to a casino where we can have a good time together.  
  
 **  
** **-I haven't asked you this question, before, but you go out all the time without bodyguards? I ask, getting out of the car.  
  
-We prefer to be free in our movements. Richard starts, locking his BMW.  
  
-We are not like those stars that can't get out, only accompanied by a number of guards that Obama, himself, has not. Paul adds with amusement, beginning to walk.  
  
-You are talking about these new, don't you?** **I sneer, following him.**  
  
  
We arrive in front of a guard who looks like this mastiffs who are very muscular and guard the door. I show him my ID and he lets us in.  
  
  
I remain in awe of the place's magical decoration that appears before me. To say the truth, I had never been in a casino.  
  
  
 **-I remind you directly that we are here to only watch, not to play. Reminds me my short friend.  
  
-This is not my intention, in fact I've never played anything, only poker with my group.  
  
-And look a little to the guys who are here. My father smiles. Maybe you'll meet your prince charming.  
  
-Always on your subject about guys... I sigh with annoyance.** **How many times must I say that-**  
  
  
I stop immediately on seeing my favorite actor "David Tennant" standing in front of a game that looks like the roulette. I feel my jaw drops and my eyes widens.  
  
 **  
** **-Shut your mouth or you'll swallow a fly. Richard says, closing my mouth with a finger.  
  
-It's the great David Tennant !! I really need to talk to him. I say excitedly.  
  
-Go, serve up yourself. Paul adds, mockingly.** **Eat him whole if you want.**  
  
  
I move towards the actor and try to start a conversation, which ends well. This one seems interested to discuss various things and we end up in the bar area drinking beverages, not very alcoholic.  
  
  
I notice that my father and his friend disappeared but don't pay attention. I gradually begin to lose track of time and don't pay attention to my surroundings.  
  
  
 **-Jim honey, it's time to go home. Says Richard, popping up from nowhere.  
  
-What time is it ? I ask, emptying my pineapple juice in my mouth.  
  
-Almost midnight. Responds the guitarist.** **Paul and I have something to tell you.**  
  
  
I get up from my seat and peck a shy kiss on Tennant's cheek and tell him to wait for me. I follow my uncle to a quieter corner and find my father waiting for us.  
  
  
 **-I'm listening to you? What are this news that Richard wanted to tell me? I say, playing with my father's hair.  
  
-Release my hair. Begins the concerned, grabbing my hand.** **Be serious for now.**  
  
  
Richard and Paul look at each other for a little while and then say with one voice:  
  
  
 **-We are going back to Germany in three or four days.  
  
-What?** **I exclaim with surprise.**  
  
  
  
  
 **to be continued...**


	19. Reise, Reise to Deutchland

I look at my father with surprise, they will leave me here and go home? I feel the tears begining to bead in the corners of my eyes but I hold them back.

**  
** **-What's wrong, Jim? You don't want to come with us? Paul worries.**

**-What? You mean- I come with you two? To Germany ? I whisper in surprise.**

**-Of course ! I absolutely will not go without my little angel. Responds the concerned.**

******-We should go home because I have to put some order in my things and in addition ask for a visa, then also prevent the "Ramm-girls"...**

 

The two guitarists look at me with smiles glued to their lips. They really seem amused by my discombobulated.

 

**-All is in order, Jim. Calms the lead-guitarist. The visa, plane... and I even contacted your brother to let him know of our departure.**

**-All what you have to do now is to go to your friend, he's waiting for a while. Says Paul.**

**-Thank you very much ! I exclaim, pressing Paul against me.** **You're the best dad of all time.**

 

I hiccup when I realize that I just called Paul dad, for the first time directly. Paul smiles back and he doesn't seem bothered.

 

I lay a kiss on my father's cheek and then to my uncle and go join my friend.

 

 Ellipse ~ two days ~

 

I'm in Richard's BMW to go to the airport. I don't know if I should be excited to travel to Germany with my idols (old idols) or very sad to leave the country.

 

Once at the destination, I get out of the car and grab Paul by the arm. We head both to the entrance, meanwhile Richard rules the out of his car and luggage.

 

**-Follow me, you should see someone. Says** **the tattooed, once inside.**

 

I follow him, for a few minutes, in the building halls until we arrive next to a door. When my father opens it for me to get in, I cover my mouth with my hands and look surprised.

 

**-Girls !! I cry, hopping with joy. You are all here !!**

**-Hey, don't forget that I'm here too, in case you forgot me. Says** **Dany, kidding.**

 

I hug them, one after the other, and when I arrive at my brother I throw myself into his arms and take him in a deep embrace.

 

**-Landers told us you're going to leave the country with them. Starts May.**

**-Yes, I think I have to get away from America for some time. I answer, playing with the ring around my thumb.**

**-We'll miss you, Snake !! Gabriella exclaims.**

**-I know, but there will be "Facebook" to do the party. I answer with a smile.**

**-You're very lucky, you will live with Rammstein.** **Nadia says.**

 

I smile at the little Algerian's comment. If I look at my life this way, I'll say it's bad luck because this events separated me from my family and my friends.

 

**-I'll live with my stepfather, not with Rammstein. I say with amusement.** **It's different.**

 

Kruspe enters in the room and says that everything is ready and in order. I look at my girls to greet them but I see them staring at him.

 

**-Yay !! It's Richard Kruspe, this time !! They shout.**

******-You are never going to change... I comment, rolling my eyes.**

 

After a final goodbye, I leave my friends and my brother and go to the corridor leading to the courtyard of the aircraft. I note with amazement that the Rammstein's private plane is here.

 

**-Yes, this is our private plane. Says my father, joining me. Do you like it?**

**-Very much !!** **I smile advancing to the controllers.**

 

Once everything is ready, I get to the plane and leave a hostess to take me to my place. I find a rose and a note on my seat, I take the sheet and read.

 

**"Be the welcome in our small family, Jimaima Carter"**

 

I turn around and send a happy smile to my father and then rank all in my purse. I take out my phone and put it in "airplane mode" and then open a playlist and start listening to my songs, lying down comfortably.

 

I wake up with startle and notice that I fell asleep listening to my other favorite band's songs, "Emigrate". I sit up in my seat and then adjust my glasses.

 

**-Do you want to take something, miss? Wonders the hostess, coming towards me.**

**-Something salty, is their any potato fries here? I ask, feeling my stomach growling with hunger.**

**-Yes miss. Responds the girl gently. And what do you want as a drink?**

**-A Grenade, er- I mean grenadine. I say, smiling foolishly to the name's agreement between that of the drink and that of the manual bomb.**

**-I'll come back immediately with your command.** **Ends the girl, starting to walk away.**

 

I turn back to my two friends' seats, but find out that neither Paul nor Richard is in his seat. I shake my shoulders and look to the hostess who returns with a cart.

 

**-Good Appetite, Miss.** **She smiles, stopping the truck in front of me.**

 

I pull the bell that's covering the food and start eating while drinking the beverage. A moment passes and I see Richard getting out of a cab, waving his hand in front of his face, Paul follows him closely.

 

**-Ah, Jim you're awake? Asks the second guitarist, joining his seat.**

**-Can I know what you two were doing alone in a cabin? I ask thoughtfully.**

**-Smoking... Responds my uncle.**

**-Maybe you, Reesh, but Paul stopped nicotine long time ago. I say, rising my eyebrows questioningly.**

**-I was lighting his cigarette.** **Paul says, but immediately bites his lip.**

 

From the corner of my eye, I see Richard giving a nudge in my father's coats. This leads me to the conclusion that they share a secret.

 

**-You really have to stop nicotine Zven. I ask him. I don't want to lose you.**

**-It's Impossible for him. Assures my father. In addition that smoking ads a lot of hotness to him.**

**-Otherwise, what are you listening to? Asks the sexy, pointing the listener that's hanging on my shoulder.**

**-Guess, great uncle. I say pulling my tongue. And before you say Rammstein, I directly point out that it's not !!**

**-You're betraying the band, Jim? Asks my father, sarcastically.**

**-What do you think, dad?** **I laugh removing the headphones.**

 

An "Emigrate" song sounds immediately, that of "I Have a Dream"

 

_It's getting dark ...  
Gotta close my eyes now_

__

 

_Going far, don't know where to find you  
Gonna take everything I can now  
Gonna make my dreams rise up and stand_

__

 

_I've had a taste, gotta feed my hunger  
Satiate desires goin' further_

_Can you feel me?  
Can you see me?  
Can you hear me?_

_I have a dream (dream)  
A dream I'm going somewhere  
I have a dream (dream)  
_ _A dream That will share masses_

 

_I have a dream (dream)  
_ _A dream I'm going somewhere_

 

Richard sings his song's lyrics and I also accompany him until it ends. And then the singer comes to me and hugs me in his arms.

**  
** **-You, I adore you !! He exclaims, kissing my forehead.**

**-You are not allowed to love my daughter, Reesh, I can become very jealous. Exclaims my father, sulking.**

**-I also love you, don't worry.** **Says his friend spreading his arms so he joins us.**

 

The rest of the trip happily passes because we had fun playing Monopoly and various other games to pass the time...

 

 Ellipse ~ travel ~

 

Once in Hamburge's airport, I notice that we changed the schedule because it's day. We pass our luggage before the customs then Richard gets out his car and starts.

 

**-We'll pause in a hotel before continuing because the road is along. Announces the conductor, stretching in his seat.**

**-Where do you live ? I request but immediately add: And please don't make fun of me like the other time, Paul.**

**-No, it's not an apartment but a two-store house which is around Schwerin. Responds the smoker.**

**-You live together. I exclaim with surprise. And in Schwerin?**

**-Bah, yes, and Schwerin is closer to where the others live. Responds the tattooed. Why ?**

******-Never mind, it's just a question... I shrug and lay on the back seat.**

 

The ride to the hotel passes almost silent as Richard and Paul exchanges a few discussions in German. We make a break of two hours in the building, so Richard recharges his energy, then continue.

**  
** **-Once installed, I'll go see a doctor to my controls. I announce to the friends.**

**-It's me who'll take you there.** **Tells me the shortest member of Rammstein.**

 

I look at the environments scrolling through the window and notice that we are getting, increasingly, in the forest and I wonder where this house is located. Finally, a nice house appears before us.

 

**-Waw !! I feel ecstatic at the mini mansion's splendor.**

**-It's only the outside, you still have to see the inside.** **Says Richard, getting out of the car.**

 

I prevent them, leaving the luggage in the car and go exploring. We enter the house and I immediately begin to run in all open rooms on both floors, as a little girl, for see all.

 

**-The house pleases my angel? Wonders my father leaning against the door, folding his hands in front of his chest.**

**-I adore it !! I answer, letting me down on the sofa.**

**-Welcome home, then.** **Says my uncle, entering the room where we are.**

 

 

 

__**to be continued...**


	20. Wilkommen!!

I wake up early this morning to visit the area with the two guitarists. This makes only one day that we got here but I am curious to see everything in this city.  
  
  
Yesterday I went to a doctor for a medical visit and know my baby's state. The doctor assured me that all is well and go back to him in a maximum of one month.  
  
  
I just wash my face and teeth in the communal bathroom and then go to my room to find anything to wear. I put on faded jeans and a t-shirt that says "Ich Liebe Deutchland" a jacket of the same material as the pants and sneakers.  
  
  
I rush down the stairs with speed and enter the kitchen that is on the ground floor.  
  
  
 **-Slowly for my heir. Paul says annoyingly.  
  
-Good morning daddy, hello uncle Richi. I say, kissing them on their cheeks.  
  
- _Guten Morgen_ !! Responds the lead-guitarist, eyes on his paper.  
  
-What do you want to eat, sweetie?** **Wonders the most funniest, Paul.**  
  
  
Speaking of food, my stomach starts to growl asking to eat right now. I sit between the friends and watch the table.  
  
  
 **-Juice, chocolate pie- and fruits, eggs and bacon, not bacon... I list on my fingers.  
  
-If you continue the list, you will eventually eat us too. Jokes the younger of the two.  
  
-Eat You alive!  
Ripped right from the hands of Heaven  
  
Better keep on running  
Eat you alive!  
  
** **I'll eat you alive!**  
  
  
I sing the song's lyrics which its title is "Eat You Alive" by imitating Richard's voice and playing guitar in the air.  
  
  
 **-Okay, okay we understood it... Says the singer, rolling his eyes.** **Well, I'll go to change my clothes.**  
  
  
Half an hour later, we meet all three in Landers' Audi and this one leads us into the town towards Hamburge. Fascinated by the beauty of the landscape, I take a bunch of pictures with my cell phone.  
  
  
We visit almost all the tourist places around when midday arrives. The tattooed invites us to have lunch in a restaurant.  
  
  
Richard enters the address of a restaurant, he knows, in the GPS and leaves it getting us there. When we reach the destination, Paul parks his vehicle in the parking lot.  
  
  
 **-It's the best one around. Richard assures, opening his door.** **I came here several times with my daughter Khira.**  
  
  
We follow him, Paul and me, and walk up to the front door. But near it, my father gets ahead and opens the door for me.  
  
  
 **-The lovely ladies first.** **He says in a gentlemanly air.**  
  
  
I send a smile back to him then enter but I freeze on the spot after a few steps. It's a luxurious restaurant and it must cost a fortune to eat here.  
  
 **  
** **-What I'm currently wearing doesn't fit at this luxurious place. I exclaim, embarrassed.  
  
-All what you put on is perfect... Encourages my friend.** **Don't panic and come here.**  
  
  
Kruspe, who has just joined us, calls a servant and ask him to lead us in a secluded corner where we will not be bothered by their fans.  
  
  
I remain in awe in front the former decor when a hand holds my arm. I let myself get taken, by I don't know which one of them, to our table.  
  
  
We sit comfortably at our table and another maid comes to give us menus. I take a look at mine and discover that it's completely written in German.  
  
  
Although I know the basis of the language (as I am a fan of Rammstein) and a few words but I prefer to avoid embarrassment. So I turn to Richard.  
  
 **  
** **-I have a role-play for you, right now. I say to the youngest.  
  
-A role-play !? Which one ? Says my uncle with amusement.  
  
-In playing "Google Translation" and tell me what is in these dishes.  
  
-I thought you know German !! Landers exclaims with surprise.  
  
-Of course I know German, I just want to know what these dishes contain.  
  
-But why this matters to you? Asks the lead-guitarist.  
  
** **-I don't eat pork... I murmur uneasily.**  
  
  
The two colleagues look at me with bulging eyes for a while then it's Paul who breaks the silence.  
  
  
 **-You're the second to tell me this, Christian is the first. He announces in a neutral tone. Otherwise, you take a _Canard à l'orange_? It's a French meal...  
  
-I think it's better if she chooses _bratwurst_. ****Offers the other but directly adds: Ah, no... it's a bad idea because it's made with pork...**  
  
  
I put my hand on my cheek and rest my elbow on the table. I still don't know what to choose. I travel the menu with my eyes and then I come across a perfect dish...  
  
  
 **-Noodles !? Paul exclaims when I show him my choice. You are in Germany, not in China !!  
  
-I don't care, this is what I want.** **I answer with a shrug.**  
  
  
Once our choices made, Kruspe requests the maid to order food. When this one arrives, she remains in awe in front of him and doesn't even listen to what he is saying.  
  
  
 **-Paul... the miss here wants to steal my lover. I complain, with amusement.  
  
-Miss !! Landers says nervously waving his hand in front of the girl's face.** **Will you send a guy instead of sitting here drooling on my buddy?**  
  
  
The servant flushes red and stammers an apology then walks away. A moment later, a man comes to us and I think he's the boss. This one shakes Zven and Heiko's hands and gives me a hand kiss.  
  
  
 **-Forgive me for the incident, Richard. He says to my so-called lover. You know how the fans react near their idols.  
  
-It makes me think about the "Ramm-Girls". Announces the oldest with an amused smile.  
  
-The what? Says the boss with interest.** **Whatever, sorry again for the embarrassment that was caused to your girlfriend.**  
  
  
His girlfriend !? This old here really thinks I'm the famous Richard Z. Kruspe's girlfriend? It's really funny...  
  
  
 **-I think you are wrong, sir. I say at the boss. I'm not his girl, but his niece instead.  
  
-Forgive me, miss.** **Whispers the man with an embarrassed tone, but immediately adds: I'll go ask Patricia to take her things and leave her post.**  
  
 **-No, Adolfus. Exclaims Richard, taking his arm.** **Don't fire her, forgive her instead she's just a fan.**  
  
  
I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing when I hear his ridiculous name. It looks weirdly like the name of a certain Nazi.  
  
  
The guitarist brings out a pen from his leather jacket's pocket and takes a towel. I watch him signs the tissue and gives it to the boss.  
  
  
 **-Give this rag to the girl from me, it's better than firing her for nothing.** **Kruspe says.**  
  
  
It's these actions that let me appreciate Rammstein. Seeing members consoling their fans and respecting them in these ways. And thinking that I'm Paul Landers' stepdaughter is making me reach the heaven.  
  
  
 **-Will we finally eat? Paul cries out, totally irritated by the situation.  
  
-It's your turn to sing "Eat You Alive".** **I kid, giving him a light tap in his coats.**  
  
  
A servant comes, this time, and I ask for noodles and chocolate tart while Paul selects the bratwurst and a fruit salad, and Richard commands Swedish potatoes and _foret noire_.  
  
  
We start lunch while laughing and Paul shows me the air I posted when his friend mentioned the restaurant owner's name, and I say it's weird as a name because it rhymes with that of Adolf Hitler.  
  
  
Once the meal ended, Paul pays the bills and we continue visiting the rest of the places but I notice the paparazzi who are chasing us in every corner.  
  
  
 **-Ignore them. Paul tells me, pulling me against his chest. Make as Richard and me.  
  
-But- They will write bullshit about you as if I'm dating one of you. And this will attract troubles with your wives and I don't want to face them, especially yours Kruspe.  
  
-You're afraid of Margaux? Richard says, laughing.  
  
-It's not my fault if the bassist belongs to the very jealous people kind.** **I answer with a shrug.**  
  
  
The two guitarists look at each other for a few seconds then shows their amusement.  
  
  
 **-It's not so serious, don't worry. Reassures my father. In addition, they are our girlfriends not our wives.  
  
-Let's presume that everything's okay on this side, but what will the others say?  
  
-You're talking about the other Rammstein members, right? Richard begins.  
  
-We don't care about their views until we're not dating. Paul adds with amusement then announces: Besides, talking about band, we have a little surprise for you tomorrow.  
  
-Really ? What kind of surprises ? I ask curiously.  
  
-If we tell you, it will not remain a secret, Ramm-fan !!** **Richard says with a slight smile.**  
  
  
  
 **to be continued...**


	21. Surprise!!

I woke up with energy, yesterday we got back home because quick because, according to my beloved Landers, I have to take a good night's slumber.And this is for his grand son / daughter.  
  
  
I think Paul is a true mother-chicken who is too afraid for his heir. Sometimes he drives me crazy and I really want to yell at him for letting me alone at least a short day without turning around me and prohibit me from eating various things.  
  
  
 **-Always up, the marmot? Calls my uncle.  
  
-I should point out that I just woke up, porcupine !! I sarcastically respond to him.  
  
-I'm not a porcupine !! Shouts Zven, falsely offended.  
  
-Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror? Your spiky hair makes you look like a hedgehog. I say, getting down the stairs.  
  
-Will you finally stop your bickering? Asks Paul, joining us. And Richard, go where I told you and we'll join later.  
  
-Give me your Audi's keys and I leave you my BMW's. He tells his friend.** **Your car is faster than mine.**  
  
  
Paul throws the keys to his band colleague then turns to me.  
  
  
 **-You will take breakfast and then we'll join him.** **He says, asking me to follow him.**  
  
  
Only fifteen minutes after, we meet my father and me, in the lead-guitarist's car and Paul takes us to the city. And after an hour almost, we finally arrive in front of a large building which says _"Tonstudio"_.  
  
  
Although my German is not good 100% but I manage to read it and wonder what we are doing here.  
  
  
 **-You getting down, princess? The tattooed who is outside, wonders.  
  
-What are we doing here? I ask him, confused.  
  
** **-You will know in a moment... Smiles the second guitarist.**  
  
  
Landers leads us inward and then we walk in the halls for only a few seconds before we stop in front of a door.  
  
  
My supervisor opens the door and we enter in the room to find Zven playing guitar while singing one of his songs, "Emigrate". I look at him enthusiastically and sing with him.  
  
  
 _Eagle flies across a flag  
Bureaucracy Is Such a Drag  
  
  
Behold a pale horse tonight  
The men in black are out of sight  
  
  
She comes  
He comes  
We come  
She comes  
  
  
Across the oceans in my mind  
Across the skies I left behind  
  
  
A land of opportunity  
A land to fill my destiny  
  
  
Emigrate [x4]  
  
  
I've been alone a long, long time  
_ _So what, I take what should be mine_  
  
  
I know very well this song and I know it's telling Kruspe's suffer when he left Germany, seeking for his own career and glory in America.  
  
  
 _I've searched the sea of empty eyes  
And severed all my family ties  
  
  
A mercenary feeds my soul  
A plastic world, no getting old  
  
  
A monkey wears the age-old crown  
Reviews The other monkeys getting down  
  
  
She comes  
He comes  
We come  
She comes  
  
  
Welcome  
  
  
Emigrate [x4]  
  
  
Walk through fear  
Leave you, dear  
  
  
Never wanted to create a tear  
Walk through fear  
If you dare  
  
  
_ _Emigrate [x5]_  
  
  
When he finishes his song, I notice the tears that are driping into the corners of his eyes. I applaud with all my energy, making him smile.  
  
  
 **-Hey, how long were you here? He asks us.  
  
-Since the beginning of your song. I answer.** **I can certainly feel your emotions because I also-**  
  
  
I stop talking and feel my own tears strangling me but I hold them and display an air falsely cheerful to the two guitarists. Richard stands up and hands me his guitar.  
 **  
  
** **-You want to play, too?  
  
-Really? I say enthusiastically.  
  
-Of course. Answers the guitarist with a smile.** **But wait till I go start recording.**  
  
  
I hardly control my emotions not to jump with happiness, because I'm holding the new ESP Kruspe in my hands. I look at the mirror while waiting for a signal from my uncle and when he gives it to me I start playing.  
  
  
I choose one of our songs from our first album and give all my heart into it. Minutes later, I give Paul the guitar and wait for Kruspe to come back.  
  
  
 **-You were great, you have to hear the recording. Exclaims the other brown, joining us.  
  
-Go ahead.** **Encourages my stepfather, holding me by the shoulders.**  
  
  
The short brown leads me outside the room and then to another door that has a sign which means this is the recording room. Paul looks at me and then opens the door and invites me to enter before him.  
  
  
I cross the door's threshold, but what I see inside leaves me speechless. _Oh mein gott_ !! I see in front of me, the other members of Rammstein installed on two sofas and chairs.  
  
  
 **-We are delighted to be here and hear you play. Christoph begins.  
  
-Th- Thank you, Mr. Schneider. I say, blushing.  
  
-You can call us by our names. Smiles Rammstein's drummer.  
  
-Us too !!** **Till and Oliver say in chorus.**  
  
  
I notice that the only one I haven't yet spoken to is Christian Lorenz. This one is sitting on the one of the sofa's arms and looks at me through his glasses. I worry about the situation until I remember his ideas about the Americans.  
  
 **  
** **-But of course! He doesn't like Americans !! I exclaim, aloud.  
  
-And who said that? Says the concerned, raising an eyebrow.  
  
** **-I - No idea... I answer in embarrassment, blushing.**  
  
  
Lindemann gets up from the chair where he's sitting and comes to me, turns around me as if he's examining one of his Mercedes.  
  
  
 **-When Paul told us that we will have a visit, I expected to see a blonde who laments the guitar because the strings break her fingernails.  
  
-And I expect to see big guys sitting in front of the TV eating _bratwurst_ with beer. I kid in my turn then add: Seriously? You don't remember me?  
  
-Of course they do. Flake sighs. The girl who loves-  
  
-Come on, Chris. Paul cuts him off.** **Be nice to my little girl.**  
  
  
Seeing the face that everyone displayed, I bet that they're not aware of the accident and of our relationship, me and Landers.  
  
  
 **-Well, enough talking. Lindemann begins. What about playing with us?  
  
-With pleasure !!  
  
-You take Paul's place because you're left-handed with your guitar. Schneider says and adds: What are we gonna play?  
  
- _"Buck Dich"_. Till says with a mischievous smile on his face.  
  
-No way !! We scream, Flake and I, at the same time.  
  
-I think _"Ohne Dich"_ is better. ****Offers the lead-guitarist.  
**  
  
We accept his choice then go all to the other music room. I don't leave my idols with the eyes and especially the singer who appears attractive as a magnet.  
  
  
 **-Shit, Jim !! I slap myself mentally. Stop drooling over him, that's not good.  
  
-Everyone in his place. Orders the lead-singer.** **And you Paul, make us the sign when you start recording.**  
  
  
I look to the slightly clouded window and see my stepfather pressing various buttons before giving us the point with a raised thumb.  
  
  
  
 _Ich werde in die Tannen gehen,  
Dahin wo ich sie zuletzt gesehen,  
  
  
Doch der Abend werft ein Tuch aufs Land,  
Und auf die Wege hinterm Waldessrand,  
  
  
Und der Wald ersteht so schwarz und leer,  
Weh mir oh weht,  
  
  
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr  
  
Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Mit dir bin ich auch allein,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden,  
Lohnen nicht_  
  
  
  
The slight singer's hoarse voice seems lulling me from inside and I feel all the emotions that I have hidden deep within myself, getting back and raising.  
  
  
 _Auf den Ästen in den Gräben,  
Ist es nun still und ohne Leben,  
  
  
Und das Atmen fällt mich ach so schwer,  
Weh mir oh weh,  
  
  
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr  
  
Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Mit dir bin ich auch allein,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Ohne dich zähl' ich die Stunden,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden,  
Lohnen nicht, ohne dich_  
  
  
  
I can't stop myself so I let my tears running down my cheeks. I miss my family, my friends, the group of "Ramm-Girls"... And I can't lie about the fact that even I miss Emil... a little bit?  
  
  
 _Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer,  
Weh mir oh weh,  
  
  
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr  
  
Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Mit dir bin ich auch allein,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Ohne dich zähl' ich die Stunden,  
Ohne dich,  
  
  
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden  
Lohnen nicht, ohne dich  
  
Ohne dich  
Ohne dich  
Ohne dich_  
  
  
  
At the end, the members of Rammstein applaud and I start to wipe my tears...  
  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	22. We can really become friends?

**-You're very talented with the guitar !! Till exclaims admiringly.  
  
-I'm a member of a rock band, too. So it's from them that comes my heel and, you too of course.  
  
-A group !? Which ? Oliver asks, interested.  
  
-It's called the "Ramm-Girls". Richard answers for me.** **I think you've heard of this group on Youtube.**  
  
  
They return all in the recording room but I stay in the other one, Richard's guitar against my chest. I sit on a chair and begin to caress the strings while singing in a lost air.  
  
  
I don't know how long I stood here humming a sad song. An applause startles me, I turn toward the door and see Till in admiration.  
  
 **  
** **-You are surprising me more and more. He says in a glad tone.  
  
-Thank you... I whisper, blushing at his compliment.  
  
-Will you join us in the recording room?** **I'm curious to know more about you.**  
  
  
My interlocutor holds out his hand and I catch it up to raise but I find myself surprised at his strong hand, it's well built, my word !! I wonder what he's hiding under his clothes.  
  
  
 **-For the firecracker's sake! I exclaim internally.** **Jimaima, keep calm.**  
  
  
We both return to the other room and find the others under a full discussion in German but I understand that they are talking about me.  
  
  
I walk towards the crowd and sit between the guy with glasses and my father. I notice that Lorenz has no intention to run away by the case that he's in the presence of an American, which calms the atmosphere.  
  
 **  
** **-Tell us a little more about you. Lindemann begins.** **I want to know more things about the little guitarist who stands in front of us.**  
  
  
I send a questioning look at my uncle and then carry my eyes to my father. They smile at me with encouragement.  
  
  
 **-Well. I start, clearing my throat and then add: You are aware of my name since we had already met at the meeting in Washington.  
  
-You changed from that day... Discusses Riedel. Because of the glasses I think?  
  
-Yes, before I was wearing lenses. Ok, whatever... I'm in a rock band known as-  
  
-"Ramm-Girls". Flake cuts me off. I know very well this group.  
  
-Heu- Yes it's it. And I am also a writer on a website called "Wattpad" my life is busy...  
  
-Here is a girl with various passions that doesn't spend her free time doing shopping.** **Lindemann says, shaking his head.**  
  
  
From the corner of my eye, I see that Flake is increasingly interested but he tries to hide it.  
  
  
We discuss after about various things like the life I had with my two friends and Paul implies that I have turned them crazy. I can admit it but it was for their good and I forbade them to eat in fast-foods.  
  
  
I notice that Oliver and Till don't leave me with their eyes and it really bothers me. I try not to touch my belly for not waking their suspicions.  
  
  
 **-It's time to go. Till ads looking at his watch. Sophia is waiting for me.  
  
-Always with this girl, man? Kruspe asks. She's not good for you, forget her and find another one.  
  
-It's you who's saying this? Jokes the older members.** **And we clearly see that you are still with Bossieux.**  
  
  
We laugh all at Till's joke and I discover that everyone is aware of the bassist's jealousy.  
  
  
We leave the studio and at the entrance, we exchange our numbers. When comes the skinny's turn, I prepare myself to leave because I don't expect him to give me his but to my surprise, he hands me a folded sheet.  
  
  
 **-Can you lend me your car, Paul? Flake asks the tattooed. I came with Till but I don't want to delay him to his supposed appointment.  
  
-No problem, man.** **Responds his colleague, handing him the keys.**  
  
  
I look at the man with glasses and I still hold the paper that I have not yet opened. I return to near Kruspe's BMW, who's parked a little far, and wait for the other two.  
  
  
 **-You seem happy, my little angel... Asks Landers' voice.  
  
-And how, I feel I'm on a cloud. I respond, throwing myself into his arms. Thank you so much dad, I adore you.  
  
-And what about me ? Don't you thank me with cuddles full of dripping sugar and teddies? Richard says, falsely offended.  
  
-Comes here that I break your bones, uncle Reesh.** **I cry, holding my arm.**  
  
  
We go home and I go straight to my room to change clothes and then put my phone in my polo's pocket and get back down. I look for the two guitarists everywhere to finally find them in the living room, sleeping against each other.  
  
  
I can't resist the charming spectacle they are showing, so I grab my phone and take several pictures of them. I smile, proud of my work, and then go to the kitchen to prepare dinner.  
  
  
An hour later, everything is ready and there remains only the table's dressing and calling the sleepers. I put the table in order and then take the opportunity to read Flake's before going to wake the sleepers.  
  
  
I pull the piece of paper that I have carefully kept in the pocket of my pants and then sit on the counter and unfold:  
  
  
 **"It's true that I have never liked the Americans but with you it's different. I'd say you have German blood that runs in your veins. I want to cross you again to know you better.  
  
** **CH.L "**  
  
  
I smile at the Keyboardist's sweet words and put the letter in front of my heart for a while before putting it carefully in my pocket and go to the living room.  
  
  
 **-Wake up marmots, it's time for dinner. I say, waking them up gently.  
  
-What time is it ? Paul asks, rubbing his eyes.  
  
-I think it's 08 pm. I say, then turn back to the other. Wake up sleeping beauty !!  
  
-Will you stop with these ridiculous nicknames?** **Asks the smoker, leaning on Landers.**  
  
  
I let them go to wash and they join me in the kitchen.  
  
  
 **-Mmm !! Exclaims the shortest. It smells good, what have you done this time?  
  
-A stew, it's Emil who taught me to do so.** **I respond, serving three plates.**  
  
  
My two friends take place around the table and then start eating. Suddenly, Zven's phone begins to vibrate.  
  
 **  
** **-No work when you're at the table. I remind him our consent.  
  
** **-It's from Till, I'll see what he wants.  
**  
  
The "Sexy Assy" wipes his hands with the towel and turns on his phone. After a moment of silence, his face lights up.  
  
  
 **-He's inviting us to a party tomorrow night at his place. Announces the guitarist. And he insists that Jimaima goes with us.  
  
-I can say that it's starting well between us.** **I say to myself internally.**  
  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	23. Party with Rammstein!!

**-We are going to go there ?I ask, dropping my spoon on the plate.  
  
-No... Responds Paul, shaking his head.  
  
-What? Exclaims Richard. But why ?  
  
-You know as much as me what happens in the celebrations organized by Till. Says the oldest.  
  
-But come on, nothing will happen to her...  
  
-It's a no, don't discuss me !!** **Paul retorts.**  
  
  
I throw my napkin on my plate and then make angry sigh before I leave the kitchen. I go back to my room to curse Landers, he really makes me think about Gabriel my father.  
  
  
I sit in fakir on the bed and hug my pillow against my chest. A long time passes and then I hear the creaking door. If it's Paul, I will not talk to him.  
  
 **  
** **-Jim, I have to talk to you.** **Says the intruder.**  
  
  
No, it's not Landers but the other brown. Despite this, I remain silent and still don't answer him.  
  
  
 **-Good... okay, it's me who will come and sit beside you.  
  
-What do you want ? I ask without looking at him.  
  
-All this grief for a party?** **Asks the guitarist, sitting on my right.**  
  
  
I sigh in annoyance and then decide to answer.  
  
  
 **-If Till invited us to his party, that means he accepted me into the family.  
  
** **-It really interests you to go?**  
  
  
I just nod and then lay on the bed  
  
  
 **-I'm glad to know this because Paul ended by accepting it.** **He announces.**  
  
  
I sit on my bed and turn around to face him, questioningly.  
  
 **  
** **-Don't make this poker face. Jokes my uncle.  
  
-He Said yes! He agreed that we go there? I exclaim with surprise.  
  
-Of course, you're in front of the seductive uncle Richard !! He smiles. It took me time to dissuade him, but that's good.  
  
-Will you stop lying, Kruspe? Asks my father, entering the room.** **If I agreed, it's only to give you another chance with them, Jim.**  
  
  
I pull my tongue and get ready to get up to go to the bathroom when something catches my attention. I look at the package that Landers holds in his hands and look at him.  
  
  
 **-Ah, I almost forgot to give you your little gift. He whispers to himself but I hear it very well.  
  
-What's this ? I ask, curious to know.  
  
** **-Open it and you'll know.**  
  
  
He hands me the package and I tear the paper directly to discover a magnificent long dress color blue night, in addition to earrings and necklace, all in diamond.  
  
  
 **-In which honor is this gift? I ask, looking at him questioningly.  
  
-A welcome gift, handed late. Responds my uncle instead of his friend.  
  
-Thank you... but you know that I don't like to receive gifts all the time, I don't want to be a weight on your shoulders.  
  
-As long as you are under my responsibility, I can do what I want.** **Paul responds with a raised eyebrow.**  
  
  
I put the dress and accessories in my closet and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, leaving the two friends in my room.  
  
 **  
** **-Jim? Calls my father after a while.  
  
-Yes dad ? I answer, spitting the toothpaste. A problem ?  
  
-I called you to tell you not to worry about the dishes I put all in the dishwasher, come rather watch a film with us.  
  
** **-Ok, I'll join you in a moment...**  
  
  
Ellipse ~ until the party ~  
  
  
 **-You're too beautiful, you will make green with envy all the girls who will be at this party.**  
  
  
I smile at the compliment and then get in my father's car and then Richard joins us. The two guitarists are wearing elegant tuxedos while me, I'm wearing the dress that Landers offered me.  
  
  
The trip doesn't go silent at all because Paul had the idea to put the "Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da" CD in his music player and we spend the time singing like mads escaped from an asylum.  
  
  
I note that we are moving more and more towards the countryside whilst we were in a city. So I turn to the youngest to ask him.  
  
  
 **-Say Richi, where does he live Rammstein's lead singer?  
  
-I can't tell you, afraid you'll say it to your group.  
  
-come on, don't be evil !! I beg making eyes at him. Tell me.  
  
-Lindemann lives in Wismar. Responds the shortest. He prefers to be away from the city.  
  
-Mmm... I murmur thoughtfully scratching my neck.** **I see... he loves the pure area.**  
  
  
On arrival, we get out of the car then go to a small charming manor. Paul rings and a man wearing the butler clothes comes and opens. I wonder if Lindemann has servants or maybe they are here just to work for the party.  
  
  
 **-Sir Lindemann is waiting for you.** **He says, moving away from the entrance.**  
  
  
We enter, all three, in the lead-singer's house and he comes to us. He greets his friends with hand-shaking and when he faces me, a whistle of admiration gets out of his mouth.  
  
  
 **-You look great, Jim. He says, giving me a kiss on the hand.  
  
-Thank you... I whisper, blushing with embarrassment.  
  
-My daughter is always beautiful.** **Richard says, hugging me against him.**  
  
  
I try to retort on Kruspe's comment but I feel a hand that lands on my arm. I follow mechanically my two friends to the big room where the party will take place.  
  
 **  
** **-Better for all of us that you avoid Till. Paul says to me. And also avoid alcohol.  
  
-Even not a small glass of anisette? I ask sarcastically.  
  
** **-I want you to stay sober, and in the other hand there's groupies who will not like the idea of seeing you with us.**  
  
  
I really don't understand what is the relation between Till, alcohol and groupies. And I think my old Paul begins to hallucinate, and there's no aunt Luce here to sneak in the hallucinogenic cookies.  
  
  
Richard pushes open the door and we enter in a huge room made only for parties I think. It's packed with various high level characters like Marilyn Manson, Chris Pohl from "Blutengel" James Hetfield from "Metallica"... and various others. In addition we can notice the groupies easily.  
  
 **  
** **-Well, I'll repeat to you to avoid making a blunder because even camcorders are here.  
  
-Oh, that's enough Paulchen. Exclaims Richard, rolling his eyes. Let the girl have some fun.  
  
-Richard !! You know that-  
  
-Don't listen and go have fun, Jim. Cuts the other guitarist.** **You, come with me for a while.**  
  
  
I pull a mocking tong to my father and then go away into the crowd. I start dancing from side to side and don't pay attention to my feet, and the result is that I collide with someone.  
  
 **  
** **-Shit !! Swears the guy stopping to move. Be careful where you put your feet.  
  
-Pardon me I didn't- I start but stop when he returns back. Schneider !!  
  
-Ah it's you, Jim? Good to see you, you dance with me while I find my partner?  
  
** **-I can say that it's with pleasure !!**  
  
  
The almost long-haired drummer drags me in a less crowded area. We begin to wiggle, but I keep a safe distance between us that he would not discover that I am pregnant.  
  
  
After a crazy time to dance with each other, I stop gasped.  
  
  
 **-I'm exhausted, I'll go have a drink at the buffet, you come with me?  
  
-No thanks. He answers simply. I have to find my date.  
  
-Ok, Well... see you later, otherwise?  
  
-If you see Till, avoid him !!** **He cries to me, through music.**  
  
  
I sneak between the sweating bodies that are dancing, rubbing against each other. I makes my way to the buffet and begin to look for something drinkable that isn't alcohol.  
  
  
 **-We are already tired? Asks a slightly hoarse male voice.  
  
-I just danced with Doom. I answer, without looking at Till.  
  
-Do you want to have a drink with me? He asks, pouring tequila.  
  
-No alcoholic drinks... it's Paul's orders.  
  
-But a glass can't kill you, wanna tequila?** **He asks, handing me the bottle.**  
  
  
The last words of the tattooed guy comes back into my head, "Avoid Till...". And even those of Schneider make me doubt. But why should he be avoided, good god? Somebody explain to me !!  
  
  
 **-I've been looking for you everywhere to dance with me. Exclaims Flake, coming from nowhere. You read the letter, I think?  
  
-Who will agree to dance with you, Flocka? Laughs the singer.  
  
** **-It's a pleasure, Chris...**  
  
  
The Keyboardist hands me an arm and I grab it and let him leads us further away. We start a slow dance, but I don't feel embarrassed in his skeletal arms.  
  
  
 **-Listen to what I should tell you, Jim. Starts the man with glasses.** **If you want to stay out of trouble avoid Till.**  
  
  
I look at him blankly. He's the third one to tell me to stay away from Till. But before I could ask any questions, he changes the subject.  
  
  
 **-You don't know where Richard and Paul are? He asks, drawing back a little.  
  
-No... why ? I answer, putting my head on his shoulder.  
  
-Our two guitarists have mysteriously disappeared...  
  
** **-Finally some freedom without having them on my back.**  
  
  
After a final dance to Slovak music, we separate and I go back to the bar with the intention of celebrating with a wine bottle.  
  
  
I don't hesitate in the slightest and empty a dry bottle of Whisky in a gulp then go back on the dance floor.  
  
  
I start dancing with some girls without paying attention to guys who want to dance with me. Suddenly, a strong pair of hands grab me by the waist and I let myself go to his touch.  
  
 **  
** **-You are driving me crazy. Whispers Till, sensually, against my ear.  
  
** **-You too... I answer without really paying attention to what I say.  
**  
  
Without waiting for a sign from him, I start doing the snake's dance rubbing sensually against his chest.  
  
  
Gradually, the alcohol I consumed gets up to my head and I lose the thread of events...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	24. The after-party is always awful

I feel a horrible headache but I can't open my closed eyes. I hear a soft snoring at my side but I don't know to whom it belongs. I close my eyes and let myself go in the darkness...  
  
  
I wake up again, this time I hear voices of men shouting angrily in German. I try to listen to what they are saying but I hear the door opens and a light blinds me.  
  
  
 **-Shit !! Someone turn off that pesky light !! I cry feeling the pain hitting my head.  
  
- _Warum ist sie in deine zimmer?_ ****(Why is she in your room?).**  
  
  
I open my eyes I closed in shock from the light to see an angry Paul squabbling with a half asleep Till.  
  
 **  
** **-Don't shout over him, Dad !! I exclaim, rubbing my eyes.  
  
-Do you at least know where you are, Jim? Yells the tattooed. You're in HIS room, what you are doing here, I have no idea.  
  
-Paul... _Wir haben nichts getan, ich schwör_ (Paul... We did nothing, I swear). Lindemann says, rubbing his eyes.  
  
-Because something must happen?** **Landers asks angrily.**  
  
  
I get up from the bed, despite the headache, to prevent them from fighting when I notice something. I don't wear my dress but a male pajamas.  
  
 **  
** **-Who took away my dress? Lindemann I will Ki- I start but I get cut off.  
  
-It was not him, it was me... Says a girl's voice.  
  
-Khira? Exclaims Richard from outside. I did ask you to stay with Maxime, Marge is not responsible enough to take care of our daughter.  
  
-Relax, dad... I just wanted to spend a little time with my boyfriend.** **Justifies the daughter, rolling her eyes.**  
  
  
I look at the group for a while but a sudden urge to vomit overwhelms me. I haven't had this feeling for weeks, which is weird if I think.  
  
  
I run to the outside in search of a bathroom and a find door ajar. I fall over the toilets to empty my stomach.  
  
  
I feel a gentle hand placed against my forehead and supports me.  
  
  
 **- _Alles ist gut_ , don't worry little sister.  
  
-Sister? I ask, surprised but return immediately above the pans.  
  
-All is well, Khira? Asks another female voice. I was in my room and I heard you.  
  
-Yes, yes... it's okay, Marie. Responds the redhead.** **It's just a crisis, because she drank too much.**  
  
  
If I understand, this Marie whose Khira Li talks to, is Till Lindemann's second daughter after the first; Nele Lindemann.  
  
  
Fifteen minutes later, I leave the bathroom, supported by Kruspe's daughter, and go down the stairs to the small living room. I go sit directly on a couch and put my head on its arm.  
  
  
I see Till, Paul, Richard and another blonde, which is surely Marie, entering the room and coming to me. My father seems worried, despite the furious mine displayed on his face.  
  
  
 **-How many glasses you drank?** **Kruspe wonders.**  
  
  
I bite my lower lip and avoid to confess that I abused a bottle.  
  
 **  
** **-A full bottle of whiskey, without ice. Says the blonde. I saw her drinking but I wasn't able to stop her.  
  
-My head makes me want to bang it on a wall.** **I exclaim, leaning on the arm.**  
  
  
Schneider enters the room and comes directly to us, displaying a worried look on his face.  
  
 **  
** **-Can I know what is happening here? He asks, looking at us. This is my pajama that you're wearing, Jim?  
  
-Good morning to you too, Schneidy !! Mocks Khira.** **And yes, it's your pajamas.**  
  
  
I close my eyes for a moment and feel my head banging against my skull. I swear inwardly against pain and against my stupid idea of drinking.  
  
 **  
** **-I think I have to go get her painkillers. Khira says. Give me your BMW's keys Richard.  
  
-I come with you, love? Asks Doom.  
  
-It isn't worth it, I will not be for long.** **Responds his girlfriend.**  
  
  
The redhead and the drummer share a chaste kiss and then the girl gets out of the room, accompanied by her father.  
  
  
I stay in my corner staring at an imaginary corner but immediately feel a weight beside me. I lay my head on my father's lap and let him caresses my hair.  
  
  
A moment passes and I see Oliver and Chris getting into the living room, but these two don't look like someone who just woke up because everything is in order in them.  
  
  
 **-You have spent the night here, too?! Paul exclaims with surprise.  
  
-All the group spent the night here. Flake responds. You are the only ones who have disappeared mysteriously.  
  
-We had work to settle.** **Responds the smoker, lighting a cigarette.**  
  
  
I notice that the others are not on our side and directly conclude that they have things to do. I close my eyes and decide to take some rest.  
  
  
Till is surely gone to wash and change. Oliver and Richard are kind enough to take care of breakfast, I'm always on Paul's knee and this one is discussing tennis and handball with Schneider.  
  
  
Fifteen minutes passes before Khira comes back home, a drug bag in one hand and a newspaper in the other. Paul pours a glass of water from the bottle that is on the next table and hands it to me.  
  
 **  
** **-Take one. Richard's girl says, handing me the box. You'll feel good after.  
  
-Thanks Khira... I whisper, smiling gratefully.  
  
-Don't mention it, you're a family member now. Respond** **s the girl.**  
  
  
I swallow the stamp while thinking of the last words of Kruspe's daughter. She really accepted me in the family? I see Schneider getting up and goes to circle the redhead's waist with his hands, then they walk away.  
  
 **  
** **-Come here, you need to take something to prevent harming yourself.** **Offers my father, holding out his hand.**  
  
  
I grab his arm and let him leading me to the kitchen. Here are the other members and Khira and Mary who are in a big discussion in German. I sit between my father and Oliver and try to support my head.  
  
  
 **-What do you want to take ? Till wonders.  
  
-Tea. I answer massaging my temples.** **It will help me to calm this headache.**  
  
  
The singer pours a cup of steaming tea for me then approaches the basket of croissants to me. I begin to drink and let the heat comes over me when the newspaper on the table attracts my attention.  
  
  
 **-It's today's paper? I ask after a sip.** **Pass it to me, Richard.**  
  
  
The brown leads a lazy hand to take the paper but faster hand takes it before him, his own daughter.  
  
 **  
** **-What is the problem, Li? Asks her father.** **Give me the paper...**  
  
  
The drummer, who is closer to his girlfriend, steals it and gets up quickly from the table, the redhead at his heels.  
  
 **  
** **-Give me back the newspaper immediately, Christoph Schneider !! Shouts the girl.  
  
-Why ? Paparazzi took your picture in a bikini and you don't want me to see it?** **He laughs.**  
  
  
The chase ends when Oliver removes the paper from his colleague's hands and unfold it on the first page.  
  
 **  
** **-For the bass' sake  !! He exclaims, eyes bulging.  
  
-Let me see, bassist. Schneider says, getting back the newspaper, but he also displays a shocked face.  
  
-You really did that, Jim? Exclaims the guy with long hair.  
  
-Did what !?** **I ask, not really understanding what the hell is wrong with them.**  
  
  
He hands me the paper and I catch it with difficulty, when I see the headline I gasp of surprise: **"A young brunette tries her luck with Till Lindemann, will he replace Sophia?** **".**  
  
  
 **-Now that journalists did remind us, we must have a serious discussion. Says Paul.** **Come into the living room.**  
  
  
We all get up and go into the living room and a discussion begins and Paul tries to know what happened yesterday. Nobody wants to say anything, fearing that he kills his band friend.  
  
  
Everyone seems shocked by what the journalists of _"Spiegel"_ wrote, except Till. Moreover, he seems rather amused by the situation...  
  
  
Returned home, I head straight to the room and change clothes then get under the duvet to sleep. I don't know how long I was in total darkness but I wake to the sound of a phone ringing.  
  
 **  
** **-Jim, your cell phone rings. Calls my stepfather.** **I'll carry it to you...**  
  
  
I hear the footsteps on the stairs and then they get closer and finally the door's handle turns. The tattooed enters, my cell phone in his hand.  
  
  
 **-I think it's a message.** **He says, handing it to me.**  
  
  
I grab my phone and then unlock the system and discover that it's really a message. From... Wait one second !! What does he want, this guy?  
  
 **  
** **-Who was it ? Questions the shorter member of the band.  
  
** **-Till, he invited me to dinner with him tomorrow night... I say with a grin on my face.**  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	25. First date

**-Till who's turning around you again? This guy's making me sick !! Says the shortest while holding his forehead.  
  
-Come on, it's not like he's going to eat me alive as in _Mein Teil_...  
  
-Till is a big threat to girls. He says but doesn't seem serious.  
  
** **- _Bitte_ Paulchen... I say with pleading eyes.**  
  
  
Paul looks at me for a while, but he doesn't seem seeing me. Finally, he opens his mouth to give me an answer.  
  
  
 **-Tell him it's a yes... but you have to pay attention to yourself.  
  
-Thank you daddy, you are a love !! I exclaim, kissing him on the cheek.  
  
-But don't mention it my child.  
  
** **-I'm going to send him an affirmation answer but before that, I want to ask you a question.**  
  
  
My father-in-law sits on my bed and pats the place beside him so that I go to join him. I sit next to him and put my ideas in order.  
  
 **  
** **-I'm listening to you. He starts, looking at me interrogatively.  
  
-It's about Schneider and Khira... I say, not very convinced.** **I want to know since when they are together?**  
  
  
Paul bites his lower lip and he seems thoughtful, as if he is making a moral calculus.  
  
  
 **-I think... since two years. Answers the tattooed. She managed to get him out of his trauma.  
  
-His trauma? I ask, wondering. You're talking about the state he was in when he found out that his wife just dated him for his money?  
  
-How did you know !? He says with a shocked look.  
  
-In case you have forgotten it, I am one of your fans. I answer, rolling my eyes.  
  
-Oh yes sure... He says, remembering my status.** **But that didn't happen without attracting Richard's furry and he fought with Schneider because of this.**  
  
  
I really expected him to say this, Richard and Christoph insulting each other. I know them very well because I dug in their private lives during, at least, four years.  
  
  
 **-Doom fought with Kruspe before, I think that's why he's angry with him. I declare then add: How are they now?  
  
-You know a lot for a simple fan. Exclaims Paul.** **Well, in this moment they are making peace, only for Khira.**  
  
  
Of course I know all about you, I have not paid all this money to my spies for nothing. I put you under the microscope, but I'm feeling so sorry for what I've done...  
  
 **  
** **-Well, dinner must be ready, I wait for Richard to come in and set the table. Announces the brown, rising.  
  
-Do you cook? I ask, surprised.** **And I was wondering where Emil kept his culinary knowledge.**  
  
  
The bell rings and I conclude that it's Uncle Richard who's here. Paul walks out of the room and goes to open. I get up from the bed and go down the stairs, the pharmacy's bag that's resting on the living room's table attracts my attention.  
  
  
 **-I need to know what's in it... I whisper as I get closer.**  
  
  
I grab the bag and then open it carefully but what I discover makes me blush with embarrassment. A box of condoms and a bottle of lubricant.  
  
  
 **-What will he do with it!? Uncle Richard is far from his girlfriend !!** **I say to myself.**  
  
  
I shrug my shoulders and then join the two friends in the kitchen. After the dinner that happens motivated, I go up to my room and here I remember that I haven't sent an answer to the invitation.  
  
  
I pick up my phone which is next to my computer and the guitar's case then send an SMS, as if I accept his invitation. A moment passes and the phone begins to vibrate.  
  
  
 **"I'll come to your home and take you tomorrow, be ready before 8 pm, Till".**  
  
  
I press my phone against my heart with love. Till is my last chance. If it doesn't work, I will throw myself from _Maqam Chahid_ in Algeria, or else his twin _La Tour Eifel_ in France.  
  
  
 **-Stop thinking about him like this, Jim !! I slap myself mentally.** **You'll never get a chance with the Bad Boy.  
**  
  
I lay down on my bed and star at the stars, slightly visible, from the window opened a bit. I sink little by little in the sleep but I don't struggle...  
  
  
Ellipse ~ the day until the evening ~  
  
  
I stand in front of the great mirror of Paul's room and contemplate myself. I offered myself an evening dress not too tight (to hide my rounded belly) and accessories that go with it.  
  
  
After the final make-up's touck, I'm ready. I leave my room and go down the stairs and notice that Richard is still not home.  
  
  
The entrance's door's bell makes me startle. It is surely Till who's arrived to take me to the appointment... I open the door and fail to choke with my own saliva.  
  
  
 **-Good evening, my lady. Says Lindemann, with a charming smile.**  
  
  
I am staring at the man who stands in front of me with bulging eyes. He is super sexy in his black fitting suit that shapes his muscles.  
  
 **  
** **-Stop drooling on my buddy, Jim.** **Says Paul with a sarcastic tone and then adds to his colleague's: You, my friend, we must discuss... come.**  
  
  
The lead-singer looks at me interrogatively and then follows the shortest. I hesitate for a moment then I follow them and I surprise the end of their discussion.  
  
 **  
** **-... If you hurt her, I'll cut your family jewels.** **Threatens my father.**  
  
  
I quickly return to my place and it's here that the two men join me. I catch my cavalier by his arm he offers to me and then we leave the house.  
  
  
We drive for a while in Till's Mercedes-Benz without really saying anything. Finally, we arrive in front of a luxury restaurant.  
  
 **  
** **-Allow me to help you down, pretty young lady.** **He says, opening my door.**  
  
  
I blush at this compliment but at the same time I wonder how I didn't hear him get out of the car.  
  
  
The beautiful guy leads us elegantly towards the entrance and makes me pass first as a gentleman. We go inside and there, everyone looks at us as if we disembarked from another planet.  
  
  
A girl comes to us and she speaks in fast German with my evening partner. This one responds with a simple _"Ja!"_ And the girl returns where she comes from with her head down.  
  
  
 **-What does she want? I ask, letting him lead me to a secluded corner.  
  
-She wanted to know if you're my new girlfriend. Till answers, pulling the chair.  
  
-And what have you said to her? I ask, suspicious.  
  
** **-I said yes... He replies, sitting in front of me.**  
  
  
A servant comes to bring us the menus and I remember the little misunderstanding that happened with Richard and Paul. And this memory makes me smile.  
  
 **  
** **-What do you want to start with? Lindemann asks, looking at his menu.  
  
** **-I haven't watched yet, I'll see...**  
  
  
I glance briefly at the cardboard that serves as a menu and then randomly select _KartoffelSalat_ because I don't doubt, from its name, that it's made with pork. For Dessert a Chocolate Roll.  
  
  
My companion passes the command then turns to me and looks at me with his blues ocean eyes. A chill runs along my back because of this contact with him.  
  
 **  
** **-Well... while waiting for our dishes' arrival, I would like you to tell me about your family, how you founded your rock band.**  
  
  
I sincerely think that talking about them is really not a good idea, but he wants to know...  
  
  
 **-To start... my father is the head of the big business which is known with the name Carter Corporation, my mother is a manager in a private school...  
  
-Life of luxury, say so... My interlocutor gets impressed.  
  
-Sorry to disappoint you but no, there was always flooding money but Gabriel my father had educated us to make our own money and not count on him.  
  
-That's an exemplary father, everyone should take him as a model.** **He says with admiration, then adds: And for the group of "Ramm-Girls"?**  
  
  
I tell him all about our rock band's beginnings, and how we met during their concert in France. Till seems excited by what I tell him and asks me to continue with great interest.  
  
  
Once my speech finished, he asks another question but this time, it is my private life that interests him.  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	26. It was supposed to end like this!?

I tell him a little of everything about my own life. Passing by mentioning that I am a writer, besides being guitarist. And also talk about my other favorite rock bands.  
  
  
Till looks at me with admiration then advances his hand and catches mine, he caresses it gently between his fingers. The waiter interrupts this moment by taking our orders and Lindemann withdraws his hand.  
  
  
We start eating, looking at each other discreetly when something touches my foot. I don't retort and continue eating but this happens again.  
  
  
 **-Keep your feet on your side, Till. I say in a simple tone, without looking at him.  
  
** **-Oh sorry, I didn't pay attention... Exclaims the man in front of me.**  
  
  
My evening partner coughs loudly and then continues eating as if nothing has happened. But after a few seconds, his foot caresses my leg again.  
  
 **  
** **-I don't know what you're playing, but stop right now !! I whisper so that no one but him can hear it.  
  
- _Mademoiselle_ doesn't like it? Or does she prefer to go directly to the act? He mocks.  
  
-What! I exclaim with surprise and fury.  
  
** **-If Till Lindemann invites a girl to the restaurant, it's because he has an idea behind his head.**  
  
  
I swallow at the words he just says. He really believes he can have me in his bed, just by inviting me?  
  
 **  
** **-Listen to me, Herr Lindemann... I don't bend to your desires.  
  
-No girl refuses to pass in my bed, I got all the girls who passed under my eyes.  
  
-You are not interesting in anything like the others, you're even older than my grandmother...  
  
-I'm only 50 years old !! He exclaims with rage, then adds: Besides why have you accepted my invitation in the first place?  
  
-I thought it was interesting to know you more, but still... you think you can compare to all these groupies that you bang each night.** **I say while I get up.**  
  
  
All the people in the restaurant look at us with eyes full of questions. I even notice a paparazzi in a corner taking pictures.  
  
 **  
** **-Go back to your seat, I'll take care of him... Murmurs a furious Lindemann.**  
  
  
I don't obey him and stand near the table, watching the singer heads towards the photographer. He removes his camera and then smashes it against the wall and puts the memory card in pieces, with only one hand.  
  
  
 **-I told you to go back to your place, _buckstabu_!! He orders, coming back to me.  
  
-How dare you call me a night girl? I shout with rage.  
  
** **-Because it's the truth, you think I'm not aware of the kid you're bearing ?!**  
  
  
My breathing speeds up and my heartbeats increase. How did he know this detail?  
  
  
 **-Drink down your words, Till Lindemann !! I threaten him with order.  
  
-Who is the father?** **Paul or Richard?**  
  
  
I wrinkle my eyes in rage, trying to keep myself cool and not jump on him to strangle him.  
  
 **  
** **-You rather prefer the threesomes, and you thrust them both together?  
  
** **-Dirty Bastard !!**  
  
  
I throw my glass's beverage to his face and slap him with all my strength. Without giving him a last look, I take my purse and then turn my heels and go out.  
  
  
I wander through the streets of the city following the path that we took to come in order to return. But I immediately get lost.  
  
  
 **- _Wunderbar,_ ****It's no longer necessary that I get lost... I whisper, clenching my teeth.**  
  
  
I walk a little more and I meet a park on my way. I sit on a bench and watch people come and go, without looking at me. I take the cell phone and call Paul to pick me up, but he doesn't answer.  
  
  
 **-Damn Till Lindemann !!** **I exclaim storing the cell phone.**  
  
  
A moment goes silent then my phone begins to ring. I take it quickly, hoping to see my stepfather's displaying on the screen. To my great surprise, I read another.  
  
  
 **-Can you tell me where the hell are you, Jim? Asks Lorenz, when I pick up.  
  
** **-I think it's a kind of park, wait till I look for any sign.**  
  
  
I look around in search of a symbol or a plate that can help me and I find one in Russian. I dictate it mechanically, without really knowing what it means.  
  
  
 **-You're so far from your date place, stay there and don't move until I come to get you.  
  
** **-I really don't intend to get myself lost again, I'm waiting for you.**  
  
  
The place begins to empty little by little, and I feel the fear invading me. Who knows what can get out of this place ?!  
  
  
 **- _Ein kleine schönheit !!_ (A little beauty !!). ****Exclaims a man's voice.**  
  
  
Fuck, this is what I'm most afraid of... Christian, I beg you come quickly.  
  
  
 **- _Sie ist zu mir, freunden_... (She is mine, friends...). Adds another voice.  
  
- _Nein, nicht für ihr zwei._ ****(No, not for you two.).**  
  
  
How many are they ?! I look towards the direction from which the voice comes and see three guys approaching dangerously to me. I get ready to run away when a Volkswagen stops very close to me.  
  
  
 **-Climb in !! Orders Flake from the inside.** **Don't stay there.**  
  
  
I don't make him repeat it twice and get in the car. Hardly my seat belt buckled, that the Keyboardist starts.  
  
  
 **-How did you know about the appointment? I ask him.  
  
-It was Till who called me and asked me to come and get you. He answers, staring at the road. What happened between you?  
  
-We shouted on each other and said dirty words,** **he thought he can put me in his bed just by clapping his fingers.**  
  
  
The guy with glasses doesn't say anything and just contemplates the road ahead.  
  
  
 **-Till hadn't told me what happened but I suspected something like this. He says as he tightens the wheel in his hands. I told you to avoid him...  
  
-I haven't understood your warnings about him, I'm a fool.  
  
** **-Don't say this, you were only not aware that Till is a Playboy and a women collector.**  
  
  
I stuck more on my seat and put my hands on my face. I behaved like a blind girl.  
 **  
  
** **-I ridiculed him in front of everyone in the restaurant. I let go, trembling. He's going to take revenge on me...  
  
-Till will not do anything to you while we're here, you can count on me for that. He smiles amicably.  
  
-Thank you Chris, if you were not married I will marry you with pleasure.  
  
-I'm old enough to be your father. He jokes in his turn. In addition, I don't like Americans.** **So if you become a German we will talk about it.  
**  
  
We burst out laughing together, and I guess how stupid I was against him. I was also stupid not to have added him to my favorite's group the last lime.  
  
  
 **-We arrived, be careful of you. He says, parking in front of the house, then puts a hand on my belly. And this little fellow too.  
  
-How did you know ?! I say with surprise.  
  
-I'm not blind, Jim. You're very thin for this to get hidden. He simply answers.  
  
-Ah yes, sure! You're the Flake who knows everything but keeps his mouth shut, all the time.  
  
-It amuses me this description. He retorts sarcastically, then gets back his seriousness: I think it's not from Paul or Richard?  
  
** **-What makes you say that?**  
  
  
The thinnest member of the Rammstein group rolls his eyes before answering.  
  
 **  
** **-They spend their time glued to each other, I even begin to suspect them.  
  
-As in the fanfictions !! I exclaim with amusement.  
  
-What is it ?! Says Christian with interest.  
  
** **-Never mind, and again thank you for being here for me.**  
  
  
I kiss his cheek and leave the car. After a last good-bye, I climb the small steps of the veranda and then open the door with my key.  
  
  
Everything seems, oddly, calm and silent. I begin to wonder where the hell the residents are. If the Pope passes on the giraffe's back, they will not notice it.  
  
  
I look everywhere on the first floor but no trace of my father. His friend also remains untraceable and I doubt he is always out.  
  
  
I climb the stairs to search the next floor when a noise catches my attention. I go in its direction and notice that it comes from Landers' room.  
  
  
Once in front of the door, I pick up the vase which is on a side table. I look at the door ajar and then take a deep breath and open it.  
  
  
 **-Holy shit !!** **I whisper, shocked by what I see.**  
  
  
The scene in front of me leaves me speechless and the vase falls from my sweaty hands, thanks to god it's made with Cristal. I rush to the outside and try to put my ideas in order, but it seems impossible.  
  
  
What I have just seen will remain engraved in my memory forever, I'm sure...  
  
  
 **-You can continue !! I shout at Paul.** **I haven't** **seen anything...**  
  
  
I go back to my room which is not further away. I can't hold back anymore, so I start a long and crazy laugh...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	27. More than simple friends

POV LANDERS:  
  
I watch my daughter leaving home with Till then take my cell phone and decide to call my lover. My lovely brunette is always in the studio with the others. I missed him lately because we can't get alone anymore.  
  
  
The phone rings two or three times then my darling's voice comes from the other side.  
  
  
 **-Something's wrong, Paul? He asks with concern. Is it Jim?  
  
-Very funny, I have no right to call my lover?  
  
-When the girl is around you, I can't show myself with my lover.  
  
-By the way, Jimaima went out with Till for an appointment and I had the idea to spend some time with you. I say in a seductive voice.  
  
-You and your ideas... I'll come right away.** **He says then hangs up.**  
  
  
I smile triumphantly and then begin to put everything in order in my room. I light candles and throw petals of roses on the bed. Once the decor so satisfying, I take out my surprise suit from the wardrobe and wear it.  
  
  
Only ten minutes passes before the doorbell rings. I smile with all my teeth and then open.  
  
  
 **-You're crazy, Paulchen! Exclaims my lover when he sees me. Where does this Mexican costume come from?  
  
-For you, I can do everything to satisfy you.  
  
-You even kidnap Justin Blieber and fart on his face? He jokes.  
  
-Yes, too. I laugh at his joke.** **And it's Bieber, not Blieber...**  
  
  
He tightens me against him and then closes the door with his foot. I feel him on the point of jumping on me, but I get away from him and go back into the room.  
  
  
I put the stereo on and let the song "Bailamaos" of Enrique Iglicias invading the room. I begin to turn around my brown rubbing against him sensually.  
  
  
 _Tonight we dance,  
I leave my life in your hands.  
  
  
We take the floor,  
Nothing is forbidden anymore.  
  
Do not let the world in outside.  
Do not let a moment go by.  
  
  
_ _Nothing can stop us tonight!_  
  
  
At one point, he grabs me by the waist and then throws me on the bed. We begin to exchange feverish kisses. His clothes follow mine on the floor and then he takes it over, because I did it last time.  
  
 _  
_ _Bailamos!  
  
  
Let the rhythm take you over ...  
Bailamos!  
  
  
Te quiero amor mio ...  
Bailamos!  
  
  
Wanna live this night forever ...  
Bailamos!  
  
  
Te quiero amor mio ...  
_ _Te quiero!  
_  
  
 **-Do you have what you need? He asks.  
  
** **-The drawer of the bedside table... I answer, caressing his nascent beard.**  
  
 _  
_ _Tonight I'm yours,  
We can make it happen I'm so sure.  
  
  
I will not let it go.  
_ _There is something I think you should know._  
  
  
Everything happens very quickly but at a moment of our intimacy, the door opens and I stand on my elbows to see Jimaima quite embarrassed. She drops the vase she holds in her hands and then runs away.  
  
  
 **-You can continue !! She screams from the corridor.** **I haven't seen anything...**  
  
  
A hysterical laughter catches me and I don't know what to do. Then my lover tightens me a little more against him then makes us reach the seventh heaven, together.  
 **  
  
** **-Thank you. I say, kissing him on the forehead.**  
  
  
He moves on his back and lets me get up. I just slip a shorts and stare at his sexy ass while he puts his, too.  
  
  
 **-What now ? Asks my lover, facing me.  
  
** **-We must go and explain our relationship and know why she came home so soon.**  
  
  
We leave our room and go to my daughter-in-law's one. I knock on the door and wait for her answer.  
  
  
 **-You can come in, dad !!**  
  
  
I grab my Schatz's hand between my fingers and we go in together. I find her sitting on her bed, listening to music.  
  
  
 **-Jim, we have to talk all three... I start, trying to have a serious air.  
  
-If it's about what I have just seen, it's hardly lost in advance.  
  
-Which means ? I ask, interrogatively.  
  
-I can't get the picture of you two, out of my head. She answers. But I can say that I am not shocked.  
  
-Is that a good thing? Asks my darling.  
  
-I had been expecting it for a while, when neither of you was interested in me.  
  
-You were expecting it? I exclaim with surprise.  
  
** **-Wait a second, I'll show you ...**  
  
  
We sit on the armchair while Carter takes her computer out of its satchel. A moment passes, the time that it starts, and then she comes to sit between us.  
  
 **  
** **-What is that ? I ask, showing a document that bears my first name, as well as that of Richard my lover.  
  
-Look but don't make me a** ** _Herzinfarkt_. ****She mocks.**  
  
  
She opens the folder and scrolls a lot of pictures in front of my eyes that exorbitate as it progresses. I even get strangle with my own saliva.  
  
  
 **-Richard x Paul !? Exclaims my brunette, more shocked than I am.  
  
-Let's say I'm a part of a group of fanfictioners that slash you together all the time, although there are also other slashs but I don't like them.  
  
-Our fans are crazy !! Richard and I cry out at the same time.  
  
** **-We even made a bet to know if Richard is interested in Schneider or Paul.**  
  
  
Richard, next to me, seems horrified by the fact that his fans slashed him with his worst friend, but at the same time he is amused.  
  
  
 **-We don't care about the fans' point of view, what's yours? Asks the smoker.  
  
-Nothing changes. She announces, shrugging her shoulders. But I want to know why you didn't tell me?  
  
-We were afraid of your reaction about our relationship, couples like us are not accepted in society you know very well.  
  
-And the others ?  
  
-Them too are not aware, even our girlfriends see nothing but fire.  
  
-The fire with which you will burn your fingers.** **She jokes and then announces: Be careful about Lorenz, he suspects something.**  
  
  
A crisis of laughter catches my lover and this one begins to laugh without stopping.  
  
  
 **-Chris had surprised us once cuddling in a closet, it happened when we were living together in Till's mansion.  
  
-Is it serious between you, then? She says, looking at us with interest.  
  
-No idea... Jokes my lovely Richi.  
  
-But tell us, how was the appointment?** **I continue, trying to be serious.**  
  
  
The brunette puts her PC on Zven's lap and then gets up to go near the window.  
  
  
 **-A disaster. She announces with a long sigh.  
  
-How? I scream. But why ? Everything seemed normal.  
  
-Lindemann had ideas behind the head, his invitation was only to check me on his chart.  
  
-I'm going to kill him !! I exclaim. Who brought you home?  
  
** **-It's Chris, Till called him and asked him to get me back home...**  
  
  
We remain as statues for a long time but Richard breaks the silence.  
  
 **  
** **-Hey, it's not funny !! I'm not a narcissist !!  
  
** **-But of course, my primadonna... I say, caressing his leg.**  
  
  
We all burst out laughing and I decide it's late and everyone has to go to bed. At the door, Jim calls me.  
  
  
 **-Think about closing the door next time... Richard's picture is enough for me.  
  
-You saw my lover !?  
  
** **-It's him who was back in front of the door... She answers with embarrassment.**  
  
  
After a last "good night", I go to join my little brown who is waiting for me in the room. Now that Jimaima is aware, there's no more reason to hide from her.  
  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	28. Tennis and interrogative points

POV JIMAIMA:  
  
I wake up in a good mood this morning. I take a quick shower then put on my clothes and go down to the kitchen. I found the lovers going to have breakfast.  
  
  
I can, very well, say that what happened last night is still engraved in a secret corner of my brain. I don't intend to tell others about the secrets of my two fathers.  
  
  
 **-Good morning,  handsome guitarists. I greet them and take my place next to my father.  
  
-Hello, Jim. They answer in chorus. Have you slept well ?  
  
** **-As a potato bag...  
**  
  
I pour a cup of strawberry juice to myself and start my lunch. The newspaper that Paul is reading attracts my attention. I take it and then start my search.  
  
  
 **-What are you looking for ? Asks the tattooed.  
  
-An article about what happened yesterday with Till, a journalist was around when we souted on each other.  
  
-You think he told them anything? Asks Richard.  
  
** **-No idea...  
**  
  
I still look in the _"Spiegel"_ until I fall on the stars page. A freshly written article faces me: **" After her appearance at the party that Lindemann had organized, the brunette reappears again but in an appointment this time... One of our reporters was at that restaurant and** **he had told us that they had quarreled. How is all this going to end, when the famous singer refuses to say anything?** **"**  
  
  
 **-He kept his mouth shut... I declare, handing the paper to my father.  
**  
  
This one doesn't even look at it but put on the table and continues, calmly, his breakfast. Finally finished, he turns his attention to his lover and me.  
  
  
 **-Today is the tennis day, you want to join us at the stadium with the guys? Even the other girls will be there.  
  
-I don't know... I answer with a shrug.  
  
-You need to change ideas about what happened yesterday. Declares Zven.** **Go change your clothes into something more sporty.  
  
**  
I hesitate a moment between accepting their offer or staying at home. At the end, I go back to my room and put on a tracksuit of my favorite football team and socks and then go down and find the friends waiting me in the car.  
  
  
 **-The game material is in the trunk, we start now.** **Announces Richard.  
**  
  
Once arrived, after only a few minutes of travel, we park in a vast tennis court. I notice four cars in the parking lot and this leads me to the conclusion that Till is not here.  
  
  
We kiss each other and then we enter the playground. I notice the great enthusiasm on Marie-Louise's face and she holds Khira by the arm and whispers something in her ear. Given the distance between us, I can't hear anything.  
  
  
 **-I think everyone is ready to start playing. Says Flake. We will divide into two groups.  
  
-How many are we? Asks Doom while paying attention to his colleague.  
  
-Us three more the guitarists and three girls... Oliver answers, counting.** **Eight, so it will be four in each group.  
**  
  
Everyone leaves the part to divide us to Richard, this one takes his boyfriend, his daughter and Flake in his group. Then in the other, I find myself with Schneider, Olie and Till's daughter, Marie-Louise.  
  
  
We start playing by eliminating the loser every time until only Oliver and I remain against the lovers. But then, I find myself out of the game, so poor Oliver gets beat by the guitarists.  
  
  
 **-We won !! Shouts Paul, laughing.  
  
-Clap high five !! Richard says, reaching out to him.  
  
-Who is going for another round? Christoph asks with enthusiasm.  
  
-Not yet, Doom !! Shouts the shortest.** **Let us celebrate our victory !!  
**  
  
Paul and Richard transform their tennis rackets into guitars and begin to play under our laughter and applauses. I pick up my phone that is on the bench and then take some pictures with the intention of sending them to my girl friends.  
  
  
We start another round and I stay careful for not harming my baby. I reject the ball and risk falling.  
  
  
 **-Watch out, Jim! Marie throws at me.** **We're not playing volleyball.  
**  
  
I apologize to my group and then continue playing but I miss the ball. I go out to sit on the bench. A moment later, I see Khira coming to join me.  
  
  
 **-It's the first time I seen them like this. She says, looking at them.  
  
-I think you're right... I answer without looking at her.  
  
** **-Listen, I have something to ask you...  
  
**  
The redhead finally turns towards me and faces me, her face looks serious. I wonder what is wrong.  
  
  
 **-I'm listening to you ? I ask, wondering.  
  
** **-What's the relation between you and my father?  
**  
  
I look at her without understanding. Does she really believe there is any relationship between her father and me?  
  
  
 **-Why this question, Khira? I ask, without understanding.  
  
-We never answer by another question, Jim...  
  
-Listen, there's nothing between us, he's more like an uncle to me just like Paul.  
  
-Who's your baby's father, then?** **Khira asks suspiciously.  
  
**  
I feel the air contracting on my lungs, she can't know. No one should know that I'm bearing Emil Reinke's son.  
  
  
 **-How did you know? I ask, stuttering.  
  
-I'm not blind, Jim. She says helplessly.** **But I haven't told anyone.  
  
**  
I tried to forget Emil during this last days but now he comes back to haunt my day and spoil it.  
  
  
 **-You promise not to tell the others if I tell you the truth?  
  
** **-You can trust me little sister...  
**  
  
I hesitate for a moment then decide to confess everything to my uncle's daughter. Once finished, I catch my breath.  
  
  
 **-I'm sorry, I didn't expect that. She forgives herself by hugging me.  
  
-All right, don't worry. I reassure her, giving back her embrace.  
  
-Who else is aware of it? She asks, looking at me interrogatively.  
  
** **-In addition to Richard and Paul, there is Flake and Till but these two are not aware of the true father's identity.  
  
**  
After this small discussion, we resume our attention on the match but the presence of a new person makes us doubt about who it is. I look carefully and discover that it's Lindemann.  
  
  
 **-Till, you have to leave the stadium before you get killed by Paul.** **Advises the smoker.  
**  
  
I look for my father and discover that he is nowhere in the surroundings. He must have gone to the bathroom.  
  
 **  
** **-Till, I'm asking you for the second time. Starts the lead guitarist. If Landers sees you here, he'll blow you up.  
  
-Why so much heckling? Schneider asks the other two.** **And why is Paul intending to put Till in shreds?**  
  
  
We get up from our bench and start walking towards the group. Lindemann looks at me and tries to come to me but Christian blocks him.  
  
  
 **-It will be upon me, Till. Flake says with a black look at the singer. I will not allow you to hurt her.  
  
-With pleasure, Flocka !!** **Lances Till, rushing toward him.**  
  
  
Lindemann takes his friend and deposits him on his shoulder without difficulty. Chris starts to protest but the singer doesn't put him on his feet again.  
  
  
 **-Put him down, Till. I ask him in an authoritative tone.  
  
-If you tell me I'm forgiven for what happened yesterday. He answers, still holding his colleague on his shoulder.  
  
** **-Yesterday you behaved like a coward, I don't forgive so easily...**  
  
  
At this same moment, Paul returns from the toilets but when he notices Till he rushes on him. Doom and Oliver catch him with difficulty to prevent him from making a mistake.  
  
  
 **-What are you doing here, Lindemann? What you did yesterday to my daughter haven't sufficed? He shouts as he tries to free himself from his friends' arms.  
  
-I came to ask for forgiveness...  
  
-You can keep your words for yourself. The shortest answers.** **Richard, pick up our material** **we're going home.**  
  
  
Everyone looks at my father without understanding. Till releases Flake then advances towards me with a pleading look. I whisper to him "I forgive you," then turn back on the heels and go after the guitarists.  
  
  
Back at the villa, I go straight back into the room without looking at Landers. I'm really mad at him. I turn on my computer to go on Facebook when someone knocks at the door.  
  
 **  
** **-Are you still angry with me? Asks the tattooed from behind the door.  
  
-I don't want to be the cause of your quarrel with your best friend. I answer and then ask him to enter.  
  
-I can't let him pass on it like that, he tried to- He starts but I cut him off.  
  
-Nothing like this happened, I want you to take the phone and call him to tell him that _alles ist gut_ between you two...  
  
-Good, ok... as miss wants. He says, rolling his eyes.** **I'll go call him.**  
  
  
I watch the tattooed leaving the room and then turn my attention back to my computer. I open the chat page and discover that my army is online.  
  
  
 **\- "Girls, I missed the hell of you !! I write on the chat window.  
  
\- "It's a while, snake..." Gaby comments with a disappointed emoticon.  
  
\- "I was busy, that's why..." I reply then add a tired emoticon.  
  
\- "Busy flirting with Richard Kruspe? Or it's Till that you put under your target !! " Mocks Michaela.  
  
\- "Will you tell us?** **I like the crisp details" Writes Fleure by joining the discussion.**  
  
  
I decide to tell them everything, they are my girl friends and they will understand me. I don't hide anything from them, besides the two guitarists' relationship.  
  
 **  
** **\- "I would like to kick Till's sacred butt, how did he dare to put his dirty paws on you?" Writes May, who joins us.  
  
** **\- "I really don't know what was his problem at that time, but everything is fine now" I answer in my turn.**  
  
  
I hear the brakes of a car that just stops and then a moment passes and it's the bell that sounds.  
  
  
 **-Jim, there's Khira who wants to see you. Calls Richard from the bottom.  
  
-I'm coming !! I shout at him and then go back to the page.  
  
-"Girls I should leave you, Khira Li is here and she wants to see me"  
  
** **-"Okay, but don't stay away from us this long" Nadia says.  
**  
  
I say one last goodbye to my friends then get out of the room and go down the stairs. I really want to know the cause of the girl's visit.  
  
  
 **-Hello, Jim !! She salutes, coming to me.  
  
-Good evening Khira !! I exclaim, hugging her and then salute her boyfriend with a nod. Schneider...  
  
-Can I know the cause of your late visit, Ki? Asks her father.  
  
-We were passing by here, Schnei and me, and I came to propose to Jim to spend a day with us tomorrow. The girl answers.  
  
-With pleasure, I would really like to meet the other girls. I declare with enthusiasm.  
  
-Then I'll come to take you tomorrow, good-bye.** **Says Khira then leaves.**  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	29. Let's make it a girls' journey

My room is upside down, I look in the closet for clothes that will be more suited to my appointment with the girls. I'll spend the night at Khira's while her boyfriend goes to see his son.  
  
  
 **-You have not yet found what to wear? Asks Kruspe as he enters the room.  
  
-I need something that will be more comfortable.** **I answer, turning towards him.  
  
**  
My uncle comes towards me then runs his fingers on the hangers and pulls out a jeans, a coat jacket and a green t-shirt.  
  
  
 **-And the suitcase? He asks, handing me the clothes. I think it's ready, at least.  
  
** **-Yes, next to the bedside table.  
**  
  
I watch him leaving the room carrying the suitcase with him. I put the clothes chosen by the smoker and then brush my hair and put a slight make up.  
  
  
Once ready, I go down the stairs to go get something in the kitchen when the bell rings. I open the door and welcome my girl friend.  
  
  
 **-Hello, Jimaima. She salutes me, entering. You're ready for what I see?  
  
-Yes, do you want to have something? I suggest going to the kitchen.  
  
-No thanks. She answers politely. Where have my father and Paul gone?  
  
** **-Paul went to the recording studio and Richard will join him after he puts my suitcase down at your'.  
  
**  
I eat a muffin then drink a glass of water and go out with the girl. I notice a Volkswagen parked next to the house, I turn to the redhead and look interrogatively to know to whom it belongs.  
  
  
 **\- It's Nele's car, come on they are waiting for us to join them.  
**  
  
We walk towards the car and it's a brown girl with a long brown hair that comes out. I can tell directly that it's Nele, Mary's sister.  
  
  
 **-I introduce myself, I'm Nele Lindemann Khira's and Marie-Louise's older sister. She introduces herself, holding out her hand.  
  
-Glad to meet you, I'm Jimaima Carter.  
  
-And I'm Annie Lorenz, Christian Lorenz's daughter. Says a small blonde with glasses, getting out the car.  
  
-You're Flake's little girl, then?** **I'm glad to meet you at last.  
  
**  
We climb in the car and Till's daughter takes us to the nearest town. We begin by the shopping and I buy various things that will be useful to me. After this, we stop in a McDonald's for lunch.  
  
  
Waiting for our order's delivery, a discussion begins.  
  
  
 **-So, will you tell us how you ended up with Richard and Paul? Asks the girl who wears glasses.  
  
-Annie, don't ask this kind of questions, it's not polite !! Exclaims Khira.  
  
-Let go, Khira, she wants to know and I will tell her... I reply in my turn.  
  
-So ? Ask all the girls. We want to know that, too.  
  
-I was dating Paul's son. I begin. And my parents took it badly and let me down, so Paul came to take me back.  
  
-Uncle Paul's son !! Annie exclaims with surprise.** **I thought it was Till that interested you !!  
  
**  
No, it's not Lindemann... This one was an attempt to try to have something serious with him but it ended badly. Anyway, I don't tell them anything about this.  
  
  
A waiter brings our commands and I pick up my hamburger. I bite a clog but don't say anything anymore.  
  
  
 **-Whom were you dating? Nele requests to return on the subject.  
  
-I think it's not on my Erni that you aimed... Says Lorenz, looking at me attentively.  
  
-No, it's not him... I answer after swallowing another bite. It's rather Emil Reinke...  
  
-The famous actor !! Marie exclaims this time. I'm really surprised that he didn't break your heart !!  
  
** **-He did it... I let go then I get up.  
**  
  
I can't take it any more, I go out of the fast-food to be away from the people who remind me of the traitor. I walk further but notice that Nele is following me.  
  
  
 **-Jim, wait !! She shouts at my address. Where are you going?  
  
-I'll go home. I answer, continuing to walk.  
  
-Do you know the address?  
  
** **-I'm going back to my stepfather's.  
**  
  
I always walk to get away but the hand that gets on my shoulder stops me. I turn around and face a breathless Lindemann.  
  
  
 **-Don't listen to them, they are only jealous that you have succeeded in bringing down Emil.** **She says, turning me to face her.  
**  
  
The brunette surrounds my shoulders with her arm and then leads us in front of the car. She makes us sit on a bench.  
  
  
 **-Tell me, why is Emil not here too?  
  
-Please, I don't want to remember his betrayal...  
  
-So, there is something?** **Come on, tell me all that hurts you.  
  
**  
Telling has the power to appease suffering, rather telling her what the dear friend did. I tell her everything and as the story goes, her eyes widen with surprise. At the end, she squeezes me against her, comforting.  
  
  
 **-Don't worry, we're all here to help you...  
  
-Thank you very much, Nele. I say, feeling my heart lighten. You're a great big sister.  
  
-Girls, _Alles gut mit dir_!? ****Asks Mary, joining us.  
  
**  
I raise my head which was lowered and look towards the girls who joins us as well. Nele is right, I must not be furious against them.  
  
  
 **- _Ja_... Answers the brunette by my side.  
  
-Khira had the kindness to ask "takeaway" for you, she said that you must eat to not get sick and make us get problems with Paul.  
  
-I'm not hungry !! I protest from my side.  
  
-You must eat to regain your strength.** **Orders the redhead in a maternal tone then advances towards me and say whispering: If it's not for you it will be for the baby.  
**  
  
After this little stupid incident (I prefer to see it this way), we continue our visits until the evening. There, Khira invites us to go home.  
  
  
 **-Welcome to our home, Jim !! She says to me.  
  
-Not bad for the Rammstein's drummer !!** **I joke with my uncle's daughter.  
  
**  
Christoph and Khira's house looks like, in some way, that of Paul or that of Lindemann. The only difference is the presence of a swimming pool inside an enclosed space.  
  
  
 **-Girls, do you want to swim in the pool? Nele asks us from the other end of the house. Water is in a good degree.  
  
-Go for a cannon ball!** **Shouts Annie on the second floor.  
**  
  
We go all the five to the pool side and then undress. I find myself in underwear and dive into the warm water that helps me to relax. The others enjoy jumping and diving but I stay on the water' surface.  
  
  
After a good swim, we change our clothes and it's the housekeeper who orders dinner for us. We sit directly on the parquet floor of the living room and enjoy our meals.  
  
  
 **-What will we do now ? Ask Marie, finishing her plate of lasagna.  
  
-A Truth or Dare? I suggest, sucking a thread of noodles.  
  
- _Ja, sehr gut_ !! ****Shout the girls together.  
  
**  
Annie puts down her half-eaten pizza dish and goes to look for the pointer game. While waiting for her to go back, we sit in a circle, leaving a place to the girl.  
  
  
 **-Who starts now?** **Asks Lorenz as she sits down in her place.  
  
**  
We all turn to Nele and she looks instinctively behind her. When she finds no one, she comes back to us.  
  
  
 **-The honor to the oldest. Pleasants Khira looking at her half-sister.  
  
-I'm not old, I'm only 26 years old. Exclaims Nele, falsely vexed.  
  
  
**Till's daughter presses the button and the turn begins. It falls directly on Khira.  
  
  
 **-Truth. says Richard's daughter without thinking.  
  
- _Sehr gut, schwester_ !! Says the oldest with a mischievous smile. Have you done any gigs with our dear Schnei?  
  
-It's intimate !! Shouts Khira, blushing. I prefer to make a gag.  
  
** **-Get ice cubes and put them on your belly until your next turn.  
  
**  
Khira executes her sister's order and goes to the kitchen to look for ice cubes. At the same time, Nele raises the arrow as the redhead lost her turn. The needle turns on itself and then stops in front of Anna.  
  
  
 **-Truth. says the latter, leaving no chance for the brunette to pinch her.  
  
-Haha !! Laughs the older.** **Well, is there a person you are interested in?  
  
**  
The little blonde blushes and becomes a tomato. I give her a pat on the shoulder and encourage her with the look.  
  
  
 **-Erni Landers... Emil's young brother. She says, embarrassed.  
  
-The little Erni is not bad, but you have to show him your interest before he gets stolen. Mocks Khira, ice cubes on her stomach.  
  
-Stop it, Ki. Exclaims Marie, tapping her.** **Don't vex her !!  
  
**  
Other turns get played but I don't find myself on the needle's radar. When Marie finally throws it, it falls on me.  
  
  
 **-Action. I say without thinking. Well... it was going to become Truth or Truth !!  
  
** **-You get down on four legs and you imitate the cat for five minutes.  
  
**  
Everyone burst of laughter, but I still execute the order. I even hug her by imitating the purring of a kitten. When the minutes end, I take my place and press the button.  
  
  
 **-Khira !? I exclaim with surprise. Ok, it's up to you.  
  
-Truth, I don't want to become a squid, thank you. She says, a grimace on her face.  
  
-At Till's party I found myself in his own room. I begin with hesitation.  
  
-I don't understand what you're trying to get at.  
  
** **-I want to know who was sleeping in the room at that time...  
  
**  
The girls next to me exchange glances of interrogation then return to glance at Khira Li. The girl gets strangled with her own saliva and looks at me with alarmed eyes.  
  
  
 **-I prefer to make a gag. She says with a dry throat.  
  
-No, you have to answer. Nele says in an authoritative tone. It's not just a question.  
  
-Till... Drops Khira then hides her face. He made me promise not to tell anyone.  
  
-Shit !! I suspected that! I shout as I get up.** **He also made the pajama stuff, didn't he?  
  
**  
Khira says nothing and lowers her head, ashamed. I move away from them and go to sit on the sofa. How did he dare?  
  
  
 **-My father haven't done anything to you, I assure you. Marie-Louise says suddenly. I know him very well to confirm that he never touches a drunk girl.  
  
-Ok, everything's fine... breath, expire. I tell myself and then raise my head to face the girls. Does it always end in disaster?  
  
-What? Asks the brunette with interest.  
  
-The festivals which your father organizes, they always end in peril?  
  
-I can say yes. Answers Marie. Once, Richard found himself sleeping in the tub and Paul in a closet, it was hilarious.  
  
-You forgot about Christoph. Says Annie.** **He found himself in the same bed as Till, Khira had done a washing to him.  
  
**  
The atmosphere that was electrified at first begins to subside slowly. I get up from my place and embrace my friend and sister of heart.  
  
  
 **-Forgive me, Li. I say, hugging her. I didn't want to scary you...  
  
-All right, little sister don't worry!** **She says giving back my embrace.  
  
**  
The other girls come to join us and we make one entwined to several. I begin to yawn and feel weak.  
  
  
 **-You're already tired, Carter? Mocks Nele. Come on, I'll show you the room if you want to sleep.  
  
-We're going to sleep too, we're coming with you.** **Annie chuckles.  
  
**  
Once in pajamas, we wish _Gute Nacht_ then get under the sheets. I think of everything that happened during the day and discover that the secret will not remain hidden for a long time, but better keeping it in the shade for more time...  
  
  
I really don't know how I fell asleep in the midst of my thinking. All I know is that a tire's rustle made me wake up. I get up from the bed and then leave the room to go to the bathroom when whispers attract my attention.  
  
  
I follow the noise and discover that it's coming from the lower floor. I go slowly down the stairs and here I discover Schneider with Khira in full discussion.  
  
  
 **-Doom, I thought you were gone to see Ervin. I say to him, rubbing my eyes.  
**  
  
I notice the sad look on the drummer's face and I expect hearing the worst...  
  
  
 **-What happened, Schnei? I ask again as my heartbeats go up. Khira?  
  
-It's Till. The girl answers hoarsely.** **He is in the coma...**  
  
  
 **  
** _ **To be continued...**_


	30. Sophia and Till...

POV TILL:  
  
I am in my room sitting on the bed holding my head in my hands. What I have just discovered leaves me speechless.  
  
  
I look at the box of medicines that lays on the bedside table and think of the reason that pushed me to despair, to the point of wanting to die...  
  
  
~ FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
I am in my Mercedes in road to the hotel where my girlfriend resides. Today is our couple birthday and I am very excited to surprise her. I drool over the whole course, thinking about her reaction.  
  
  
I wake up from my dreams and discover that I arrived at the building's bottom. I park the car in the parking lot and then enter and ask for the key. I notice the receptionist's horrified face but don't pay attention to it.  
  
  
 **-All the left is right  
All the black is white  
  
  
All the fast walk slow  
All the loose is tight  
  
  
All the heat is snow  
All the high was low  
  
  
All the grief is fun  
** **All in all, the rain is sun  
**  
  
I sing the lyrics of one of my new album's song while waiting for the metal monster's arrival.  
  
  
The elevator arrives at my level, I climb in and then press the button on the eighth floor. I look in the mirror then brush my blond hair, and when it arrives upstairs I go down.  
  
  
I look for the room 666 (the sign of Satan, I know, but it's Sophia's crazy idea to choose it). I open the door with my magnetic card and penetrate inside, it seems oddly quiet. I move forward and here, a sound like moaning attracts my ears.  
  
  
 **-** ** _Scheiße_ !! I swear inwardly. ****I am in a wrong room, in addition it's not the right time...  
**  
  
I turn around and get ready to leave the room when another gasp stops me on the spot. This time, my blood makes only one turn and then freezes.  
  
  
 **-Sophia, you're too good... Murmurs a man's voice in an ecstatic way  
  
-Yes, I know. Replies the woman with desire.  
  
** **-Tell me that you love me, tell me that you love me more than Till Lindemann...  
  
**  
His words fall on me like a cold shower. My girlfriend was cheating on me during all this time. I move toward the room, trying to stay cool.  
  
  
I look for my phone in my pocket with sweaty hands and then put the recorder on. I take a deep breath and then push the door to find myself in front of a blood-chilling scene.  
  
  
 **-Fuck !! What the- ? Strikes the traitors.  
  
-Till !? Shouts my assuming lover. I swear, that's not what you think...  
  
-On my own bed, Thomalla? I shout with rage.** **How long has it lasted?  
**  
  
~ END OF FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
I hear the recording one last time then get up and go to the bar table to get a cold beer. I pour a glass but end up throwing it against the wall without drinking. I take the sleeping pills then swallow several at once and swallow them with the beer.  
  
  
 _Carry my soul ... into the night.  
May the stars guide my way.  
  
  
I glory in the sight,  
_ _As darkness takes the day.  
  
_  
I lie down on the bed and wait for my end to arrive. I think back to my stupid reaction to Paul's daughter and it hurts my heart. It's true that she forgave me and forced Landers to do it, but I still feel guilty...  
  
  
Coldness begins to rise from my feet and I feel the darkness overwhelms me. I close my eyes and let myself fall into the void.  
  
  
 _Sing a song, a song of life  
Lived without regret  
  
  
Tell the ones, the ones I loved  
I never will forget  
  
  
_ _Never will forget._  
  
  
 **-Good-bye shitty life... I whisper before tipping into the void.**

****

POV JIMAIMA:

 

It's been a week since Till is still in coma, I am in front of the window that separates the hospital room from the outside. I watch Till sleeping on the bed, all his body tied to cables and these to the apparatus.

 

I wipe a tear running down my face and sigh, the coma lasts for a while without the singer giving a sign of life.

 

I remember very well the reaction we had when Schneider told us about the bad news.

 

~ FLASH BACK ~

 

I look at Khira then her boyfriend trying to understand what she has just said. No, not Till Lindemann !!

 

**-What happened to him? I ask, almost shouting.**

**-Calm down, you're gonna wake up the girls. Doom says to me. I don't want to put them in shock right now...**

**-Ok... but tell us the truth. Li asks, making me a gesture to stay calm.**

******-He tried to put an end to his life by swallowing drugs, but nobody knows why...**

****  
It's my fault, I'm sure... I go away from them and cry in the garden, sitting under a tree and looking at the starry sky. A moment passes then I feel someone joining me.

 

**-What's wrong, Jim? Demands Christoph.**

**-It's my fault that Till wanted to commit suicide... I answer with tears.**

**-No, don't say this. He says, pressing me against him.** **It's probably because of a fight with Sophia.  
**

I stay a moment in his comforting embrace, without really having a shady idea behind the head. Suddenly, we hear shouts coming from the house. Cries of Marie-Louise and Nele...

 

**-I think they have woken up, will _gott_ be with them."  
**

~ END OF FLASH BACK ~

 

**-It's all your fault !! Shouts suddenly a voice that I recognize without problem.**

**-Marie, leave the girl out of it !! Lorenz, who is next to us, says.**

**-It's Carter's fault if my father is in coma. Says the girl, ignoring Flake. She humiliated him in front of the journalists when he simply wanted to-**

**-Shut your mouth, Lindemann !! I shout as I get away from them.**

**-Jim, wait for me !!** **Calls Christian.**

****  
I get out of the hospital in fury, avoiding to overthrow one or two people. I head to the parking lot and then lean on the hood of Oliver's car and pull out my cell phone to call my father.

 

**-You made me run !! Gasps Chris, joining me. What's going on, all of a sudden?**

**-Don't ask me but them instead. I answer, eyes on the cell phone.**

**-Don't listen to Marie-Louise, she's only shocked. He says, sitting down at my side. What are you doing ?**

**-Calling my father to come and get me. I simply answer.**

**-No need to bring him here, I will bring you back by myself if you like.**

**-Thank you for your proposal but I don't want to tire you with me.**

**-It's really not a problem to bring you back, only the journalists'.** **He declares, showing them with his chin.  
**

I look towards the direction he shows and see three of them hiding in the bushes that surround the garden, trying to pick up something. Rammstein's manager has kept the accident in maximum of secret but the camcorders doubt of something.

 

**-You want to have a coffee with me? Proposes the guy with glasses.**

******-With pleasure, Chris...**

 

I put the phone in my bag and then follow him inside. We go to the cafeteria and choose a table in a quiet place. Although all the boys are disguised so as not to be spotted but Flake prefers to remain in the calm one.

**  
** **-I wanted to tell you it's because of Thomalla if Till is in a coma.**

**-What has that horror done to Lindemann?** **I ask, surprised.**

 

Lorenz opens his mouth to answer but immediately closes it and looks behind me. I turn around and see one of the bodyguards that Emu, the manager, put here to keep Till's room safe, approaching us.

 

**- _Herr Lorenz, wir müssen sprechen_... (Mr Lorenz, we must speak). Said the molosse to the Keyboardist looking at me from the corner of the eye.**

**- _Was ist das problem, Ulrick?_ (What's the problem, Ulrick?). Flake asked, worried.**

**- _Nicht vor die mädchen... Komm mit mir_ (Not in front of the girl... Come with me). ** **Responds the bodyguard.**

 

Chris gets up from his chair and tells me something is going bad, so he gonna have to go check it out. I watch him leaving with the guard and then make a sign to the boy to bring me a coffee to calm my boiling nerves.

 

While waiting for his return, I remove my glasses and wipe them with a piece of tissue. I focus on my work and don't pay attention to what surrounds me. When I put them on the tip of my nose, I jump while discovering Sophia in front of me.

 

 

_**to be continued...** _


	31. The truth kills, sometimes

**-What is the little crazy doing here, Flake?  
  
-Thomalla, you'll have to get out of here before I ask for security. Lorenz tells her.  
  
-How dare you talk to me this way, it's this little whore who must go away.** **She shouts, attracting the people around us.  
  
**  
I get up from my chair and face her without being afraid. She really disgusts me and I deduce that she has surely cheated on Lindemann.  
  
  
 **-Get away and don't stay there to stare at me like a goldfish out of the water. Says Sophia, looking at me with disgust.  
  
-I repeat it for the second time... Begins the Keyboardist.  
  
** **-I came to see my lover, it's her who must leave because it's her fault if my Till is in coma.  
**  
  
I control myself hard not to jump over on her and remake her portrait. A footstep advances and I see Nele coming towards us.  
  
  
 **-Sophia, I'm very glad to see you here, bitch... Says the brunette, teeth clenched.  
  
**  
Before the blonde does anything, Till's daughter takes out her phone and presses a button on the screen's surface. A hoarse voice comes out of the set, it belongs to Till Lindemann !!  
  
  
 **-Till !? Screams Thomalla's voice. I swear, it's not what you think...  
  
-On my own bed, Thomalla? Shouts the singer with rage. How long has it lasted?  
  
-Lindemann, stay quiet. Asks a man's voice.  
  
-You, shut your mouth !! Cries out Lindemann. I want a fucking explanation.  
  
-You want to know everything, Till? Starts Sophia.** **You don't satisfy me any more...  
**  
  
From the corner of my eye, I see Thomalla choking with her own saliva but she stays in front of us without moving. Nele hardly keeps cool and the people around just look at us.  
  
  
 **-Why didn't you tell me so soon? Asks a desperate Till.  
  
-In your opinion ?** **Not to break my image in front of the media... _  
_  
**  
The recording stops here and I no longer hold back. I swing my hand against the woman's face and make her fall to the ground.  
  
  
 **-Dirty whore !! I scream, kicking her in the coats.  
  
-Jim, stay quite. Says Flake, pulling me back. Let Nele deal with it.  
  
-Release me, Christian. I order with a dry tone.** **I want to avenge Till.  
**  
  
Two other arms add to those of the skinny and they take me out of the cafeteria. Someone gives me a glass of water that I accept and drink. I calm down little by little and raise my head to face Flake and Marie-Louise.  
  
  
 **-Forgive me for what I said to you, Jim. Says the girl, with tears in her eyes.  
  
** **-All right, Marie-Louise. I reply, hugging her against me.  
**  
  
The girl gives back my embrace and then moves away and looks at me with surprise. At first I don't understand what is wrong with her but I remember directly my rounded stomach.  
  
  
 **-You're- Jim? Oh my God !! Whispers the girl, shocked.  
  
-Pregnant, yes. I answer with a sigh. But don't tell anyone, promise?  
  
-Ok... She says, hugging me again, then changes the subject: The scrape that you have just given Sophia is phenomenal.  
  
-Thank you... I answer, looking at her with eyes bulging with surprise. Can I go see Till now?  
  
-I'll wait for you in the car.** **Says an annoyed Flake, by our forgetfulness of his presence.  
  
**  
I peck a kiss on the Rammstein member's cheek and then follow the blonde inside the building. We take an elevator to get to the floor and then walk to the room. A doctor put me in a suit and then they let me in.  
  
  
My feet in jelly, I head towards the bed on which Till rests on. I look behind me at the big mirror and find out that no one is outside, except the bodyguard named Ulrick.  
  
  
I turn my attention to the brown who sleeps peacefully on the bed and feel my tears choking me. I am really sorry to have humiliated him at the restaurant the other time.  
  
  
 **-Forgive me, Till... I murmur, caressing his face.** **You have to come back... for us, for your daughters, for your fans.  
**  
  
I look at him for a moment then lean towards him and lay a long kiss on his lips. I feel him stir but don't pay attention and think it's a hallucination.  
  
  
 **-You must be strong, Tillchen.** **I tell him again before I leave the room.  
  
**  
I change and then leave the building and meet Christian waiting in his car. He starts without a word and we remain silent along the way.  
  
  
 **-I like your glasses... He says, trying to break the silence.  
  
-It's nice, _danke_... I reply with a smile. Their model is like yours.  
  
-And since when do you wear them? Because you didn't have them during the meeting in America.  
  
** **-I was wearing lenses to avoid making me look like a nerd, but after an accident my doctor advised me to wear glasses.  
**  
  
He avoids a car that comes straight on us and then turns his attention back to me.  
  
  
 **-Is it hereditary?  
  
-Sorry ? I ask without understanding what he means.  
  
-The lack of vision, it comes from your parents or ancestors?  
  
** **-No, I don't think so... no one of them has vision problems.  
**  
  
We finally arrive at the house and I leave the Volkswagen to go home. I notice that Flake doesn't come down with me, so I turn to him.  
  
  
 **-You're not coming, Chris? I ask, looking at him interrogatively.  
  
- _Ich hab keine zeit... Entschuldigung_ !! (I don't have time... sorry). He answers in German.  
  
-Come on, a quarter of an hour can't kill you... you coming?** **I say, opening his door.  
**  
  
Flake hesitates for a moment but eventually accepts. He gets out of his Volkswagen then closes the door and locks the car and then we walk side by side to the house.  
  
  
On the door's threshold, I stop and look for my key in the bag and find it easily. I open the door and then enter and invite the Keyboardist to follow me inside. To go to the kitchen, we have to go through the living room and that's what we do. But we come across a show to make jealous anyone.  
  
  
 **-What are they doing together, this two?** **Lorenz asks calmly.  
  
**  
I can say that I didn't expect to see them again in this situation. Paul is asleep against Richard (I can say... on Richard) and both are under a blanket that hides only their lower body part.  
  
  
 **-No idea... I lie, shrugging. Never mind** **and let's go into the kitchen.  
**  
  
My tone seems nervous but I do my best to keep my trouble hidden. I grab him by the arm and pull it so that he follows me towards the kitchen but this one remains in his place, watching the lovers sleeping peacefully.  
  
  
 **-You think they're together? He asks, getting a little closer to the sofa.  
  
-Is this what you think? I say, joining him.** **I don't care.  
**  
  
The guy with glasses turns to me and then shakes his head before joining me in the kitchen. I take a bottle of Tequila out of the fridge and take a glass of juice.  
  
  
 **-I want to know who had discovered Till in his room. I ask, sitting down in front of him on the table.  
  
-It was Anja, Lindemann's ex.** **He begins, drinking a sip and then adds: She went to his house to visit him...  
  
**  
At this same moment, I hear a noise in the living room and I deduce that my fathers have finally woken up. The noise continues and it seems that they are coming towards us.  
  
  
 **-Hey, you are here Chris ?! Kruspe exclaims as he enters the room.  
  
-I invited him to have a drink, it doesn't bother you I think? I ask, doubtful.  
  
-Who's not disturbed by an invitation? Asks Paul as he enters too.** **Oh, hi Flake !!  
**  
  
I notice that their friend looks at them in silence and then gets up from his chair and goes to Richard. With a quick gesture, he wraps his arms around his waist and approaches his face from him, leaving us speechless.  
  
  
 **-Release him right now or I'll tear you apart, Lorenz! Shouts a very furious Paul.  
  
-I suspected it... Begins the false blond, getting backwards.** **Are you really together?  
**  
  
I really don't want to be in such a situation. I put my glass half-finished in the sink and then get out of the kitchen to go to my room. I start my computer directly and then plug in its charger.  
  
  
I wait for it to start completely and then enter the chat page and find a message from my army, but no trace of the chicks on the net.  
  
  
 **-"Guess what Mrs. Landers, we got airline tickets.** **We will come tomorrow and it will be a pleasure if you come to pick us up at the Hamburge airport in the morning "  
**  
  
I go down directly to the kitchen to keep my fathers part of the news. I notice that Lorenz is no longer home and the others are in the living room watching a rugby match.  
  
  
 **-It's a great pleasure to welcome them here, we'll go and get them tomorrow... Says my father, smiling.  
  
**  
I'm about to leave the room to go and prepare dinner when I remember something very important.  
  
  
 **-So... Flake knows about both of you? I ask them.  
  
-Yes, but he doesn't seem shocked... Zven answers without leaving the screen of the eyes. He promised to say nothing to the others.  
  
** **-Ok, I leave you and go prepare the dinner because it's no way to order pizzas or other things that are not healthy...  
  
**  
After these words, I go to make them Kebab... A specialty that Nadia had taught me to cook.  
  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	32. The army is coming

I adjust my jacket in front of the mirror and then leave my room and go to join Paul who is waiting for me in the small Lorenz's bus. He borrowed it to get my girl friends because his car is not enough for them all.  
  
  
Once in place on my seat, I buckle the belt and then turn on the radio. My father puts the contact and then starts. We spend a good half hour singing on the lyrics of the song "Disintegration" of "Monarchy"...  
  
  
 _You and me ...  
_ _Hold our breath and count to three_  
  
 _  
_ _I want so much ...  
To give you my ... everything  
  
Disintegration ...  
Suffocation  
  
  
My Life is taken ...  
_ _Annihilation_  
  
 **  
** **-What are your girl friends going to do here in Germany? Asks the brown, in the middle of the music.  
  
-No idea... I answer with a shrug. I think they want to meet the other members... or visit the big city.  
  
-Aren't you going to think about making a new album? He asks, lowering the sound of the radio.  
  
** **-The new album is ready, we only have to find a director to do one or two of our videos.  
**  
  
Paul displays on his face his angelic smile that makes his fan-girls' hearts beat, a thousand by the hour. This smile had made me capsize a moment in the past but I had decided not to fall for him...  
  
  
 **-Zoran will be happy to work on your album, he's the best director I've ever worked with.  
  
-Mr. Zoran Bihac is very nice and bright, I had the chance to chat with him on Facebook. I say, rethinking about it. It was even him who had encouraged me to make my way into the field of writing.  
  
-Waw !! I'm very impressed by this... and you've already met him? Asks Paul impressed.  
  
** **-Unfortunately I have not had this honor.  
**  
  
I look down at the road and notice that the airport building is starting to appear in front of us. I can confess that the discussion with the great and amusing Paul Landers passes the time without realizing it.  
  
  
 **-I'll talk with him to take care of your videos... he will be happy  
  
** **-Thank you very much, Paulchen.**  
  
  
I turn up the radio's volume then lie down well in my seat and watch the scroll through the front window. I listen to music and have fun.  
  
 _  
_ _Save my love for you ...  
I'm saving my love for you  
  
  
I love my love for you  
I'm saving my love for you  
  
There's a beating inside of me  
Open up we can take it slowly  
  
  
Let's dissolve our humanity  
My heart beat  
  
Oh so free  
_ _Give in to you endlessly  
_  
  
We finally arrive in front of the airport and I see the planes coming down and those going up. I turn to my father to ask him to unlock the doors but I see him putting on sunglasses and a cap.  
  
  
 **-Express camouflage... He smiles as he explains the situation. I don't want to be stopped by the band's fans, Richard will kill me otherwise.  
  
-Yes, you're right... really must avoid turning Richard into a jerk. I joke.** **But it's hardly lost, you look like nothing at all.  
**  
  
My father-in-law adjusts his cap and his glasses and then comes out with me. We walk towards the big building and fortunately no one recognizes him. When we enter, I look for any plate on which will be posted the arrival of Washington's plane.  
  
 **  
** **-Over there. Says the tattooed, pointing a poster with the finger.** **Will be after a quarter of an hour, must find a place to wait.  
**  
  
Paul finds a secluded waiting room on the second floor for us, then we spend a good time discussing various things and minutes passes quickly.  
  
  
 **- _Ihre Aufmerksamkeit, bitte... das Flugzeug Washington-Hamburg gerade angekommen_. ****(Your attention, please... the plane Washington-Hamburge has just arrived).**  
  
  
I start hopping on the spot, I'm very excited about the idea of seeing my girl friends after so much time. I run outside and then go down the stairs and go straight to the entrance way but a guard keeps me from crossing it.  
  
  
 **-Wait for me, Jimaima !!** **Shouts a breathless Paul who's running after me.  
  
**  
The passengers start passing in front of us and I stare at them, trying to recognize my friends. The shortest rock band member pats me on the shoulder and then points a finger in a direction and I see five girls accompanied by two guys.  
  
  
 **-Who are the two young people with them ?!** **I wonder, trying to see them, in vain.  
**  
  
I watch them do the necessary and then the group comes towards us. Here, I feel my heart loosing a beat when I recognize the other two...  
  
  
 **-Dany ! Jason! I am happy to see you. I exclaim, glad to see them.  
  
-Hello little sister,I missed you. Smiles the blond as I squeeze him.  
  
-Jim! Nice to see you again. Says Jason beside him.  
  
-Me too, DJ Black.** **I answer with a hug.  
**  
  
Paul, who was looking at us from the beginning, approaches us and announces his presence by coughing loudly.  
  
  
 **-We didn't forget you, Dad. I tell him and then turn to the DJ. So, Jason, this is Paul Landers, my father-in-law...  
  
-Glad to meet you, Mr. Landers. Says the boy, holding out his hand.** **And I'm Jason Black, Jimaima's friend.  
**  
  
I turn my attention to the girls who are coming to us pushing, each one, a suitcase with wheels.  
  
  
 **-You robbed your cupboard, girls? I say to them, sarcastically.  
  
-Yes, that's it... laugh at us instead of helping us. Says Nadia.  
  
-Who's the other guy with you? Asks Mika staring at the guitarist.  
  
-It's John Kennedy, you didn't recognize him? I joke at her lost look.  
  
-I missed your jokes very much, Jim, but let's get out of here. Interrupts Jason.** **I'm really exhausted from the trip.  
**  
  
We all leave the building and we go to the parking lot to get the van then we start, direction Schwerin. The journey doesn't pass silent, because of our verbal exchanges. Really, my friends missed me and I haven't seen them since a lease.  
  
  
 **-A beautiful house, this one !! Exclaims Gabriella, looking at the mini-mansion.  
  
-It's better inside, you'll see.** **Says Paul, parking the car in his usual place.  
**  
  
I leave the bus first and then open the door with my key. The others follow me inside and I notice their air dazzled by the modern decor.  
 **  
  
** **-Waw, just waw... May exclaims, looking around her. Your home is breathtaking, Paul !!  
  
-It's not my own house. Says Paul, joining us, followed by Daniel. Richard lives here too.  
  
-Speaking about Kruspe, I wonder where he's gone. I say, lying on the sofa in the living room.  
  
-He went to see Margaux, he will come back with a golden gift.** **My dad replies, accompanying the girls upstairs.  
**  
  
I rest a little down on the sofa then go up on the second floor and knock on the door of friends room. Fleure comes to open and lets me in, I go directly to sit on a couch and cough to attract the attention of others.  
  
 **  
** **-I have to talk to you, girls... I say and they all turn to me. About the laws of "Ramm-Girls".  
  
-The laws are made to be broken, you know very well !! Declares Mika.  
  
-That's why I came to remind to not turn around Rammstein's guys, especially Till...  
  
-Why ? Will they blow up on our faces? Pleasants the Chinese.  
  
-They are not the ones who will explode on your face but rather their girlfriends. I retort, rolling my eyes.** **And I'll give you the list, right away...  
**  
  
The girls begin to sigh with frustration and embarrassment but I still start my list.  
  
  
 **-To start, there's Schneider who's with Khira Lindemann, Flake is married with I really don't know who I doubt who's Paul's girlfriend and Richard is with the Emigrate's guitarist...  
  
-You forgot someone !! Shouts Nadia. Which puts him in perfect target...  
  
-Ah, yes... Riedel. It's not my fault to forget him, he's the only one I haven't yet frequented.  
  
-Are you afraid of his size? Hears May with a perverse smile.** **Or else do you prefer boys like Emil?  
  
**  
Emil... I prefer not to think about him because it hurts my heart. I really don't know if I will ever forgive his betrayal.  
  
  
 **-Jim? Says Fleur with concern. Oh, sorry I didn't want to upset you.  
  
\- Don't worry, French girl... I say, trying to make humor.** **If you continue like this, I'll tell everyone that you're in love with one of my friends.  
**  
  
Fleure reddens like a peony and throws a black look at me that makes us both laugh, the others don't understand anything and it's better like this.  
  
  
 **-Good, drop my ex from the bridge and listen to me well. I begin, trying to regain my seriousness. We don't touch Rammstein, it's dangerous !!  
  
-Pff... Mika whistles as she rolls her eyes. You are the youngest of the group but the killjoy, you looks like a math's teacher.  
  
-Very funny. I reply then add: Moreover, speaking about group, Paul had proposed to speak to Zoran Bihac for our video...  
  
-It's true ?! Awesome... Gaby exclaims enthusiastically.** **And then, we told you we'd stay here until Christmas?  
**  
 **-Christmas ?!**  
  
  
Before one of the girls answer my question, Richard enters the room carrying a blond girl in his arms. I look at her and directly recognize who she is.  
  
  
 **-It's little Maxime Alaska Bossieux! I exclaim getting up from the bed and go to my other father. Can I carry her in my arms?  
  
- _Vatty_... who are these girls? Demands Maxime in a timid voice.  
  
-Friends. Richard answers in a soft voice that I don't know him. And the one in front of you is Uncle Paul's daughter.  
  
-I'm Jimaima and you, how are you little doll? I say, smiling.  
  
  
**  
 __ **to be continued...**


	33. We are the Ramm-Girls

The little girl seems lost, I hold out my arms and Kruspe gives her to me to carry against me. Maxime looks at me for a moment and then places her little hand on my stomach.  
  
 **  
** **-Vatty, Jimama with baby in the belly... She says with a childish, innocent voice.  
**  
  
I blush to the ears. I wonder how she knew it just by touching my stomach. Richard looks at us and then displays a bright smile on his lips.  
  
 **  
** **-Yes my baby of love, she is pregnant... Tells her father.  
  
-Richard, Alaska seems lost... Starts Mika. What's wrong with her?  
  
-Her mother will go on a trip to America for a week, she is very attached to Margaux...  
  
-I see... Sheppard says, then turned her attention back to me.** **Give her to me, she's very cute.  
**  
  
I notice that the other two boys mysteriously disappeared from the frame and it seems disturbing, all of a sudden.  
  
  
 **-Richard, where are Daniel and Jason? I ask the guitarist.  
  
** **-They kidnapped Paul and forced him to take them to visit the area... Zven replies with amusement.  
**  
  
The lead guitarist turns his heels and gets ready to go but I challenge him and he stops on the doorstep.  
  
  
 **-Can we talk for a moment, Uncle Rich? I ask him. In private it will be better.  
  
** **-Okay, come with me...  
**  
  
I go ahead and make him a sign to follow me. We enter the room he shares with Paul and there he turns to me.  
  
  
 **-The girls are intending to stay here until Christmas... I start, facing him.  
  
-It's supposed to do what to me, in return?  
  
-Are you deaf or what? I just said they will stay here, you will not have the chance to be comfortable with my father.  
  
-No matter, we'll do it in the car. He starts sarcastically. Or better, in the closet at the end of the corridor.  
  
** **-Do you sometimes can get serious, even at least once?  
**  
  
Rich rolls his eyes and then crosses his hands before his well-built chest. He looks at me with amusement and then supports his back on the wall next to the sofa.  
  
  
 **-It's really not a problem to welcome them here, I swear.  
  
-I am not against the fact that they are here but against one of them that falls under the spell of Till or Oliver.  
  
-And what's the problem? They are all major...  
  
-I think I better talk about the situation with Paulchen.** **I pull back.  
**  
  
I go to the door to go away but I stop and turn to him, a malicious smile on my lips.  
  
  
 **-In fact, it's really not comfortable to do it in the car. I begin with a perverse air.** **Your BMW is narrow, like its master, besides.  
**  
  
The brown chokes with his own saliva and sends me a cushion in full face but I dodge it with a laugh and leave the room to return to that of the friends. I find them playing the guitar with the little blonde.  
  
  
 **-You're playing without me? I ask, falsely vexed.  
  
** **-It's Maxime who wanted to play like her father... Replies the older, pointing to Alaska with her chin.  
**  
  
I discover little Maxime Bossieux between May-Rin and Gabriella, these two help her to hold the big guitar in her little hands. This scene makes me smile and I pick up my cell phone to take a picture of them.  
  
 **  
** **-I want to play girls, as in the good old days. I say, opening the case of my own ESP RZK.  
  
-What are we going to play? Asks Mika.** **I will propose that of _Messer_ , I want to relive the feelings of the past.  
**  
  
I bring out the guitar but the contact reminds me of a memory that I had forgotten, but now it is here. I remember the day I went with my dad to the Rammstein Store to buy my guitar, I surprised a conversation between my father and the seller.  
  
  
~ FLASH BACK ~  
  
 **  
** **-... She looks like him very much, she knows? Says the man.  
  
-No, she doesn't know anything, but I prefer to keep it in secret... Replies my father.  
  
** **-She must know, she's a fan after all...  
**  
  
At the same time I decide to enter the scene and know what they are talking about. But my father tells me nothing and takes me straight from the seller.  
  
  
~ END OF FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
I recover my senses and discover that the song we were playing is over without realizing it. I notice that the others are in the room with us.  
  
 **  
** **-This is my daughter !! Exclaims Paul, applauding.  
  
-She's also my sister, I point out. Exclaims Dany, possessively.  
  
-It was _Messer_ that you were playing? Asks Uncle Rich. I think Till is not going to kill you for that.  
  
-We had his permission to turn one of his poems into song. Answer Michaela. In addition to the other songs that were found everywhere.  
  
-Besides, talking about Lindemann... Begins the smoker, carrying his daughter in his arms. Mr. hard-to-cook is awakened from the coma.  
  
** **-Let the lord be praised. I exclaim, raising my hands to heaven.  
**  
  
The other occupants of the room look at us without understanding. Of course they have the right to display this air because they are not aware of Till's condition.  
  
  
 **-Our Till was in coma and you didn't say anything to us, Jimaima Carter !? Says May, shocked by the news.  
  
-You didn't tell them? My father-in-law asks. But why ?  
  
-I don't know... maybe I don't trust them enough to keep them informed, they spend their time publishing news about you and I was afraid that one of them talks about the accident on facebook.  
  
** **-It's Fleur who spends her time in gossip, not us !!  
**  
  
The ringing bell put an end to this discussion, which was going to become a war. I turn to Paul and look at him interrogatively and this one smiles.  
  
  
 **-I invited the girls to dinner tonight, so you'll meet and become friends. He answers our interrogative glances.  
  
-I'll go and open to them. Begins Kruspe then deposits his daughter on the floor.** **Stay with the girls Maxime darling...  
**  
  
I leave the room me too, followed by the other girls and we go down all seven towards the ground floor. The first that I notice entering is Nele who holds her son next to her, and she is followed by the others.  
  
 **  
** **-I'm glad Till is okay. I say, hugging my girl friends.  
  
-We too... Says the members of my army.  
  
-Who are the other girls? Ask Khira, looking at them interrogatively.  
  
-The members of my Rock band. I answer. I introduce you Michaela Sheppard from England, Fleur Dubois from Paris, May-Rin who is Japanese, Gabriella Rodriguez from Mexico and Nadia Zaidi the Algerian...  
  
-Nice to meet you, girls !! Says Annie, the last one entering.  
  
-And... girls I present Nele Lindemann, Khira Schneider Kruspe, Marie-Louise Lindemann and Annie Lorenz...  
  
** **-It's a pleasur to meet you, too...**  
  
  
I notice that the other two boys are absent again from the picture but don't really care. They keep running away and maybe they are in the game room.  
  
  
We all enter together in the living room and a turbulent discussion begins between all my girl friends and it lasts a long time until Paul calls us to go to dinner. The discussion also continues on the table and I introduce my big brother and my other friend to the girls.  
  
  
During the dinner, Paul pleases to throw his jokes and makes us laugh heartily. To say the truth, I missed the good family dinners and the atmosphere that accompanies it.  
  
  
 **-...I would like to see his head now, he used to forbid us to touch his collection. Says Paul laughing.  
  
-And then it was Oliver, the youngest, who had broken _Mein Teil_ 's microphone... Continues his boyfriend. ****Till had chased him all over the studio with his own bass to kill him.**  
  
  
I like listening to them tell their adventures at their rock band's beginnings. Especially when they mention the lead-singer crises.  
  
  
It's only very late at night that the girls left, each one to her home. Khira takes her little sister with her to keep an eye on her. I join my room and change my clothes in pajamas and then do what I have to do in the toilet before joining my girl friends in the guest room.  
  
 **  
** **-What about playing " I have never "? Proposes Jason. We haven't played it for a long time.  
  
- _Ja_ !! ****I scream enthusiastically but get hit with a cushion.**  
  
  
We spend a good time playing this game but they all start falling like flies. Only Gabriella and I are awake.  
  
  
 **-I wanted to ask you to come with me tomorrow to have a medical visit, when we go to see Till in the hospital. Since you are my sister-in-law, I preferred you to be the first to see the echography.  
  
** **-Ok, no problem my sister...**  
  
  
After a last good night, I go back to my room but don't sleep quickly, I take my tablet and turn it on. The image of Emil and I faces me and I ignore it directly by pressing the icon of the notebook.  
  
  
I recount the events of recent days to my diary before feeling the tiredness paralyzing me. I rest my tablet then the glasses on the side table and let the darkness gradually invading me...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	34. An angel to look after me

Right now we're in the hospital. The time of the visits has not yet begun and I take the opportunity to take Gabriella with me to go see a gynecologist.  
  
  
 **-Gaby, are you coming with me? I ask herة pulling her arm. I'll go see a gynecologist.  
  
-Okay. She answers as she gets up from her seat.** **Are you sure you doى't want to tell the others?  
**  
  
We move away from the corridor where the singer's current room is, under guard, and begin to walk towards Dr. Schmidt's office, I knock on the door and then enter.  
  
  
 **- _Kann ich dir helfen?_ (Can I help you ?). She asks as she looks behind her medical glasses.  
  
-Yes, I want to do an echography. I reply sweetly.  
  
-No problem, ma'am. She smiles at me. You don't seem German, am I right?  
  
-No, I'm American... and I live here with my father-in-law and his friend.  
  
** **-Yes, I see... Says Schmidt then gets up from her seat and goes to a metal cabinet.**  
  
  
She pulls out the material and then invites me to sit on the long chair. I settle down then unbutton my shirt and let her apply the gel. She moves the sonar on my stomach.  
 **  
** **-Are you aware of what you are bearing, madame? She asks after a moment.  
  
-I don't understand what you mean...  
  
-They are twins, I can clearly see that one of the fetuses is a girl but I can't see the other.  
  
-Congratulations, Jim! Gabriella exclaims enthusiastically.** **You're pregnant with two mini-Landers.  
**  
  
I regulate the addition with the doctor then put my clothes in order and leave the office. At a detour of a corridor, I feel the absurd desire to go and empty my bladder.  
  
  
 **-Gaby, you can get ahead, I'll go to the toilets. I tell my friend.  
  
-Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?  
  
-Don't worry, the toilet will not eat me. I joke.  
  
** **-Okay, so we'll meet in Till's room.  
**  
  
We separate, Gaby and I, and I go to the nearest bathrooms. A feeling of being watched overwhelms me but when I turn around, I don't  see anything.  
  
  
 **-I think I'm hallucinating, but Aunt Lucy is not around!** **I tell myself sarcastically.  
**  
  
I enter the bathroom and then into a cabin and do what I have to do. I come out and wash my hands in the sink and then dry them.  
  
  
Once everything is in order, I leave the room but almost outside I feel a hand pressing against my mouth. The person takes me back to the room and then leans me against the wall.  
  
  
 **-I didn't think I could fall on you so easily without the presence of your bodyguards.** **Says a man's voice against my ear.  
**  
  
I feel my heart missing a beat and my eyes exorbitant with surprise, it's really him who is here behind me !?  
  
  
POV EMIL:  
  
  
I have not been talked about for a long time. It's not my fault to disappear from the frame all this time because the last time, my Jima had left me in a dirty state.  
  
  
I remember this day very well because it was the day I knew I could not live without the brunette, without Jimaima Carter. I regret not to have retained her to explain that it's my boss' fault if I found myself with my ex on the back.  
  
  
I've been looking for her all over the last few weeks without really finding her trace. When I was about to lose hope, a flash had come to my mind and I had decided to go and see her brother. But it was wrong between the two of us.  
  
  
~ FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
 **-Daniel Carter, we have to talk a moment. I tell him, leaning on the hood of his car.  
  
-What are you doing here, Reinke? He says furiously.  
  
-Listen, I know that I'm going to ask a crazy question, but I want you to tell me where your sister is.** **I say with fear.  
  
**  
Here, without warning, he throws himself upon me and gives me a grip in the face. I feel my nose breaking under this blow but don't pay attention. All I want is to take away informations about where my lover is.  
  
  
 **-My sister doesn't need a bastard like you, it's because of your kid that my parents dropped her. He screams, giving me another shot and then walks away.  
  
-Trust me, I will not let go, I want to find my girlfriend.  
  
-In Germany... He says, looking at me haughtily.** **With Landers, he at least thinks of his daughter-in-law while you-  
**  
  
I don't let him continue the sentence and insult me more, I go away from him and decide to take the first flight to go to my hometown. I really want to be forgiven.  
  
  
~ END OF FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
I spied the girl for a week without really having the opportunity to talk to her. True, she never leaves the house alone, she is always accompanied by her bodyguards.  
  
  
Now I am with her in this bathroom and I will try my luck.  
  
  
 **-I didn't think I could fall on you so easily without the presence of your bodyguards. I say against her ear.  
  
-What do you want from me ? She asks in a voice that she tries to keep cold.  
  
-Me too am glad to see you, I missed you... I say sarcastically.  
  
** **-Seriously, you swing me, for another girl, the day I saved your skin and you want me to jump on your neck ?!  
**  
  
I turn her towards me and kiss her passionately. I wait for her to respond to this but instead, she pushes me and gets away from me.  
  
  
 **-Don't think you can redeem me so easily, Emil. She says dryly.  
  
-But... you are a writer who knows very well this feeling of loss. I say facing her. You have rubbed it well with your characters  
  
** **-Pardoning is not so easy, you broke my heart and it's hard to repair it.  
  
**  
I am really shocked by her words. My chance of being forgiven is limited, I look at her for a while then decide to go away and leave her but before doing this, I utter a final word.  
  
  
 **-You still live with Landers? I ask, avoiding calling him by his first name.  
  
-Is it hard for you to call him Dad?  
  
-Tell him that Yvonne will take revenge on him at the end. I say then get back and leave her.  
  
-You have to know that if you touch my father you will have to do to me !!** **She threatens me.  
  
**  
These are the last words I hear before leaving the bathroom and getting lost in the crowd...  
  
  
POV JIMAIMA:  
  
  
Emil goes out and leaves me nailed to the spot to stare at the place where he was a moment ago. I sigh and leave the room and head for Lindemann's. I find Mika, Gaby and Nadia chatting with Paul.  
  
  
 **-Where were you, Jim? They all ask me while they look at me.  
  
-I met Emil and he didn't seem to be on his plate... I say, sitting down next to the tattooed.  
  
-My son !? Exclaims Paul with surprise. What did he want you to do?  
  
-To forgive him. I whistle, leaning my head on my father's shoulder.** **And he left me a message for you, who is Yvonne?  
  
**  
Landers looks at me with eyes full of sadness. I understand directly that it has a relation with a person of his past and avoid asking him more questions but it's him who answers.  
  
  
 **-Yvonne was Emil's mother, my first girlfriend... Starts the shortest, wiping an imaginary tear of the eyes.** **She had died as a result of a mortal illness... What Emi doesn't know is that Yve had made me promise to abandon her so as not to suffer...  
**  
  
He pauses and takes a deep breath before wiping his real tears of sadness. He looks at me for a moment and then continues his story.  
  
  
 **-I had refused to abandon her, especially in this very delicate moment but one evening I had returned from the studio and I had found the house empty...  
  
-I'm really sorry to hear that, Dad. I say with consoling tone.  
  
-Don't worry, I live with for almost 20 years.** **Answers my father-in-law trying to break the electrified atmosphere.  
  
**  
The door leading to Till's bedroom opens and I see my three other girl friends come out, accompanied by Nele. They look at me then smile and I don't understand why this smiles on their lips.  
  
  
 **-Congratulations, Jim... Till's daughter says, hugging me. Twins ?  
  
-Thank you, Nele... I answer to her embrace. But don't tell the others.  
  
-I'm very happy, my love. Says Paul who is in heaven.  
  
-Thank you very much, vaty, me too am happy to make you proud.** **I tell him then turn my attention to my other friends: We go to see Till?  
**  
  
The other three who remain, nod with a simple head gesture then we all enter the room. I see the white-haired man against the cushions, he seems healthy.  
  
  
 **-I'm glad you're all right, Till. I say as I approach him.  
  
-Thank you, Jimaima. He answers, smiling weakly at me.** **Me too am glad to see you.  
**  
  
I take his wide and strong hand between my fingers and caress its back. I look at him but notice that his eyes are riveted behind me, on one of my friends but I don't know which.  
  
  
 **-Are you part of the "Ramm-Girls" group, too? Asks the singer.  
  
** **-Right, she's Michaela Sheppard the singer and here is Nadia Zaidi the drummer and Gabriella Rodriguez the second-guitarist.  
**  
  
Lindemann shows a radiant smile and then stands up on his pillow. He continues to stare at my friends and it makes me crazy.  
  
  
 **-How long will you stay? He asks them politely.  
  
** **-Until Christmas... Nadia answers.  
  
**  
I try, as best as I can, to catch his gaze and know who he's looking to but it seems impossible. When he finally resumes his attention on me, I know nothing else.  
  
  
 **-And you little mother, how is the little fellow going?  
  
-I think they're twins... I retort, smiling.  
  
** **-I'm very happy for that.  
  
**  
A nurse enters the room and breaks our discussion by announcing that the time of the visits is over. After one last good-bye, we leave Till and it's Paul who takes us home.  
  
  
 **-We're going to prepare dinner with the girls. I tell him when we get home. Do you want something special?  
  
-Nadia is an Algerian, right? He asks, storing the car's keys on the key ring next to the door.  
  
-Yes, why ? Says the interviewee, looking at him interrogatively.  
  
-I'd like to taste one of your traditional dishes, Zoran had told me about it...  
  
-Ok, challenge accepted. Nods my friend.** **I'll make you a dish that will let you eat your fingers because it's so good.  
  
**  
We go directly into the dinner's preparation. Gaby just throws funny jokes and leaves us bent in two of laugh. When all the dishes are ready, May and Fleure straighten the table and call the boys to sit down to table.  
  
  
Everyone is at the table, I take their phones away from my brother and Jason and then serve them dishes. I start eating by looking at the others around me when my father, Paul, clears his throat to draw our attention to him.  
  
  
 **-Girls, I have news to announce. He says wiping his mouth.  
  
-A good or bad? Asks Richard, worried.  
  
-I talked with Zoran Bihac and he told me that he will be happy to work with you on one or two of your videos.  
  
-What !? Cries out Nadia with enthusiasm. When will we see him?  
  
** **-He told me he'd be available next week.  
  
**  
Waw, I can't believe my ears. We will work with the great and fabulous director Zoran Bihac. I can't wait to meet him to tell him that it's me the girl with whom he often discussed on facebook...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	35. Shooting videos? It's amazing!!

It has been a long week waiting for the director Zoran Bihac's response. Mika had sent him our second album and ideas of videos but we still have not got our answer.  
  
  
At this moment, I am at Oliver's, in his apartment to spend a little time. The five other girls are here too, and since this morning we have been waiting for the director's reply.  
  
  
 **-Jim, what will you choose for lunch? The youngest member asks me. I will place an order.  
  
-Sausages and soda. I answer from my corner on the sofa.** **I'm not too hungry.  
**  
  
I get up and go to the bathroom to do what I have to do then wash my hands and dry them. When I come out, I find the singer hanging on the telephone handset talking with joy.  
  
  
 **-Who is it from ?** **I ask the girls who are next to her.  
**  
  
They don't answer but make a sign of the finger on the lips to silence me. I glare at them and then go back to the living room and settle myself in front of the television.  
  
  
 **-For the Ice Age's sake !! Arrives Fleur's enthusiastic shout. Bihac has agreed to work with us !!  
  
- _Wunderbar_ !! I exclaim with enthusiasm. What video did he accept?  
  
-Three of our songs. Answers May. That of "Rockstar", "Lost in time" and "We live in the darkness".  
  
-Genial, and when are we going to start?  
  
-Tomorrow. Exclaims Nadia.** **I look forward to working with the big producer and director.  
**  
  
I look at them, with amusement, jumping of joy and then turn to Oliver next to me and smile friendly. The gentleman seems shocked to see them in this state but I lay my hand on his shoulder to calm him down.  
  
  
 **-Are they always as crazy as that? Asks the bassist, trying to be serious.  
  
-You can't imagine how much. I joke in my turn.  
  
** **-It reminds me of our early days in Rammstein's group.  
  
**  
Someone rings at the door and Riedel opens. He comes back a moment later with our orders and deposits them on the living room's small table. I take my dish and my can and then start eating while thinking about the long day we will spend tomorrow.  
  
  
 Ellipse ~ overnight ~  
  
  
 **-Sit straight and take your hands off my thighs. Cries Gabriella.  
  
-It's you who must sit away a little, you are sitting on my hands. Answers Fleure.  
  
-Girls, I can't breathe you are choking me !! Exclaims Michaela, asphyxiated.  
  
-This is the last time I propose you to come with us in my father's Audi. I shout at them, rolling my eyes.** **It's not as tight as this.**  
  
  
Paul sighs from his driver's seat but doesn't retort. We are all the six in the brunette's car to meet Mr. Zoran Bihac. To say the truth, I am as enthusiastic as my colleagues to see him.  
  
  
 **-We arrived !! Exclaims Landers, stopping the car in front of a large building.  
  
-Already? Says Nadia with surprise as she got off the car.  
  
-You want me to kill you right now, Algerian girl?** **Asks my father when he gets out.  
**  
  
Nadia doesn't reply to this comment and simply smiles at my father, we all know that he likes to joke and he is humorist.  
  
  
We follow Landers who leads us towards the building, in front of the door we find a very thin man who carries a folder in his hands and when he sees us he salutes us.  
  
  
 **-You must be the Ramm-Girls. He says looking into the record.** **Come with me, Mister Bihac is waiting for you.  
**  
  
We walk behind the man who leads us, inside the building, to the producer's office. When we come in front, he knocks on the door and waits for the answer.  
  
  
 **- _You can come in_. ****Answers the hoarse voice of the director.  
**  
  
The door opens from the inside and we enter. I look directly at the big man standing behind his desk and my blood makes only one turn. After all this time, we finally meet each other.  
  
  
 **-Hello girls. He salutes us with a smile on his lips. Oh, greetings to you, Paul.  
  
-Hello dear Zoran. My father answers. So I present the Ramm-Girls, Michaela Sheppard, May-Rin, Nadia Zaidi, Gabriella Rodriguez, Fleur Dubois and Jimaima Carter.  
  
-Wait a second, Landers, you just said Jimaima Carter? Exclaims the director. The Carter Corporation's daughter?  
  
-Hello Zoran, glad to see you at last.** **I greet him with a nod.  
**  
  
The producer comes to me and then holds out his arm to shake my hand but when I catch it, he pulls me towards him and makes me turn on myself. The others start laughing at us, but we regain our seriousness quickly.  
  
  
 **-I studied your choices in the three songs and I chosed some scene for your videos. Begins the director to attract our attention. For "Lost in time" we had wanted to include a time turner, the main character uses it but it breaks and he / she finds himself lost in a parallel world.  
  
-It looks exciting !! Says the singer enthusiastically.  
  
-Thank you, Miss Sheppard, for " We live in the darkness " it will be on five vampires who track down a human and want to drink her blood because she is very attractive, but their leader transforms her in the end to one of the cold-blooded.  
  
-I adore this, too.** **Says Fleure.  
**  
  
The ideas that the producer has just announced are awesome. I look forward to working on the videos and see the result. I know very well that throwing videos is very fun, especially when the producer is nobody but the great Zoran Bihac.  
  
  
 **-What about the third song? May demands. That of "Rockstar"?  
  
-This one I kept it for dessert, I have a surprise for you as far as it is concerned.  
  
-We begin ? Asks an enthusiastic Dubois.  
  
-Come with me, I'll show you the place where we're going to work. The headmaster suggests as he gets up from his desk.  
  
-I come with you as long as the others don't need me yet for my role as a guitarist.** **Says Paul.  
  
**  
 Ellipse ~ three-day performance ~  
  
  
The last performances were wonderful. We had great fun, the girls and me, on the set scenes to play our roles. The one I liked most was that of the vampires, simply because Richard had agreed to shoot the video clip with us.  
  
  
Also our costumes and make-up were breathtaking. It was magical and fantastic, and our dear friend Zoran had done his best with the videos to bring out the best of them.  
  
  
 **-That's your costume, Jim. The costume designer tells me.  
  
-Thank you very much, Constance.** **I answer, taking my disguise from her hands.  
**  
  
Today is the last video's day and I am excited as a chip at the idea of knowing what surprise our friend hides from us.  
  
  
 **-Do you want me to help you put it on? Asks the woman.  
  
-No it'll be fine. I answer.** **Thank you very much, Schneider.  
  
**  
At this moment, I am with Constance Schneider, Doom Schneider's sister, whom the director had called to work on our disguises since she is a costumer.  
  
  
 **-A schoolgirl costume !! I exclaim with surprise. Gothic in addition? What does the director play with?  
  
-I have no idea. Says the girl shrugging her shoulders. They gave me this costume and I didn't try to understand.  
  
-I'll put it on if the director wants it.** **I reply in my turn.  
**  
  
I begin to dress up my Gothic schoolgirl costume and then go out of the fitting room in search of the makeup artist who is a friend of the boys. I find her doing my girls' makeup and they wear disguises of Rockstars.  
  
  
 **-Girls, I wonder what is the idea that Zoran has behind the head. I tell them, sitting on a seat.  
  
** **-No idea... Retort my women.  
**  
  
I let the makeup artist make me beautiful (or rather weird) then go out with the girls to the filming area. We meet our dirctor and he seems enthusiastic. He makes us a sign to follow him, and that's what we do before we meet in a room that looks like a school corridor.  
  
  
 **-I will now explain to you the principle of this video. Begins the producer. It's about a shy Gothic girl who gets mistreated by her schoolmates, she ends up making a pact with the devil and this one helps her in the skin of a rockstar...  
  
-It sounds scary. Says Gabriella.  
  
-I will say rather Gothic.** **Corrects the singer.  
  
**  
We go directly into the video shooting and I go straight into the orphan girl's skin that is badly treated. The girls start singing their song.  
  
  
 ** _-I feel your presence amongst us ...  
You can not hide in the darkness  
  
  
Can you hear the rumble?  
_** ** _Can you hear the rumble, that's calling?  
_**  
  
I have a lot of fun interpreting a character we had never done in one of our videos. But when the time to call Lucifer comes, I find myself with him in person. Not Marilyn Manson...  
  
  
 _ **-I can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart  
I can see through the scars inside you  
  
  
I can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart  
**_ _ **I can see through the scars inside you  
  
**_  
I don't believe my eyes, I am in front of the singer of "Blutengel" I named Chris Pohl. He is 42 years old but he is also sexy and charismatic, I think his group's women will not kill me because of the kiss we will share.  
  
  
 _ **-Now there is nothing between us  
From now our merge is eternal  
  
  
Can't you see that you're lost?  
**_ _ **Can't you see that you're lost without me?  
**_  
  
Then we sing the last refrain together...  
  
  
 _ **-I can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart  
I can see through the scars inside you  
  
  
I can feel the thunder that's breaking in your heart  
**_ _ **I can see through the scars inside you  
  
**_  
I look at him for a moment in his eyes and notice that he wears blues lenses. I hesitate in front of him but eventually kiss him and I feel his fangs against my lips.  
  
  
An applause makes us separate from each other and I turn around to see my girl friends who look at me with a fishy out of the water look on the face. I can bet they didn't see it coming, the hit of the famous Gothic rockstar.  
  
  
 **-The video is almost complete it remains to play on the instruments so that all this is complete. Announces our director.  
  
-We need a break !! Screams Nadia, adjusting her red wig on her head. An hour will suffice.  
  
** **-Ok, girls, we'll see each other again.  
**  
  
We leave the studio without really forgetting to kidnap Chris Pohl to invite him to drink a thing and to discuss with us. When the time is up, we go back to the filming scene and finish the video and leave it to the performer to set it.  
  
  
I go to my father's home, exhausted but content of our video, I take a bath and change my clothes then fall directly into the arms of Morpheus without trying to understand anything. All I want is to sleep to recover...  
  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	36. Birthdays and a heart problem...

It's been two weeks since Till is out of the hospital. It was well celebrated by inviting his friends from the professional world, and our ties are restored as long as he doesn't intend to stir in the past.  
  
  
Today is a very exceptional day, it is the day of our birthdays to Flake and me. I was born on November 28 and my friend on the 16th, but everyone wanted to organize a joint party.  
  
  
 **-Spending time with both of you is just amazing !! I exclaim with joy. And I can tell that you made the right choice, Chris.  
  
-About what?** **He asks me questioningly.  
**  
  
Right now, I am in the veranda behind the Keyboardist's house. We have been discussing, the couple and me, for two hours already.  
  
  
 **-Your wife, I love her, she's fantastic. I answer. On top of that, you're the only ones with the longest relationship.  
  
-Compared to the guitarists, I think they surpassed me in this record.** **Pleasants the leanest.  
**  
  
Chris and his wife are aware of the secret that Richard and Paul are hiding, but still keep their mouths closed.  
  
 **  
** **-Me too I love you, little _Mama_. ****Says Maria with her Portuguese accent.  
**  
  
This woman who was talking to me for two hours has entered my heart without knocking. I like her because she is kind.  
  
 **  
** **-You think they're doing what inside, a war between Germans and Americans? Mocks the man who wears glasses.  
  
-My friends are not Americans, they come from various other countries, it's Rammstein's love that brought us together in our group.** **I reply.  
**  
  
Till comes out of the house and looks at us for a moment making a funny grimace. We really don't understand anything about what's happening with him, when finally he orders us to follow him inside the house.  
  
  
 **-No wounded victimes here, _Doktor Lorenz_. ****I throw at my friend, sarcastically.  
**  
  
Everyone here is looking at us and hiding something behind them. My brother Dany moves forward holding a bandage in his hand, and May follows him. We let them blindfold our eyes and they guide us to another place.  
  
 **  
** **-I should tell you directly that I really don't love to be blindfolded. Says Chris.  
  
-It will not last for long, just a few more seconds. Jason replies.  
  
-The one who hears you will believe that you really don't know what you are doing.** **I say in my turn, letting Daniel guide me.  
**  
  
I hear murmurs and laughter then feel the headband leaving my eyes. I open them gently so that the light doesn't blind me and what I see in front of me leaves me without words. Honestly, they are the best friends of all time.  
  
  
 **-Happy birthdays, Jimaima and Christian !! Everyone exclaim.  
  
-You shouldn't have done it for us, it's very nice of you.  
  
-For our best friends we can do everything. Says Till this time.  
  
-Enough the verbal exchanges and come. Dany orders.** **Your pie waits for you.  
**  
  
We enter the beautifully decorated living room with garlands, banners and balloons. And in a corner stands a large table where are placed cutlery and a large pie.  
 **  
  
** **-I can't believe my eyes !! Who had this crazy idea? I exclaim.  
  
-It's me... Smiles Ollie.** **You like the pie?  
**  
  
And how ? The cake is in the shape of the symbol of Rammstein on which are small figurines of the boys.  
  
  
 **-Are you going to think about cutting it? I'm hungry ! Schneider exclaims.  
  
-Chris? I ask my friend.  
  
** **-Yes, together... Replies the man.  
**  
  
  
We take the knife on the table to cut the pie but Till interposes. He removes it and gives us the knife-microphone of _Mein Teil_. We cut parts to everyone and start eating while discussing about everything and nothing.  
  
  
After finishing, I start a slow dance with my brother and then Jason and everyone else. When Lindemann's turn comes, I notice his lost look.  
 **  
  
** **-If you don't want to dance with me, I'll understand. I tell him.  
  
-No that's not it. He retorts, hugging me to him. Can I ask you a question ?  
  
-Everything you want, _Herr Lindemann_. ****I'm listening to you ?  
**  
  
He starts dancing in the middle of the other dancers, he seems hesitant but ends up coughing to clear his throat.  
  
  
 **-Which of your girl friends is in a relationship? He asks hesitantly.  
  
-Why this question ? One of them interests you and you want to approach her? I smile.  
  
-I just want to know...  
  
-There's Gabriella who's with my brother and Nadia's dating Jason.** **Another question ?  
**  
  
Till shakes his head from right to left and sighs in relief. This air is throwing me in the face the conclusion of the person who is patting him in the eye. Frankly ? He doesn't waste his time chilling on the other, he is already looking for another girlfriend.  
  
  
 **-It's time for gifts !!** **Shouts Paul, tearing me from his friend's arms.  
**  
  
I let the guitarist lead me to a gigantic stack of gifts, divided into two heaps. One for Flake and the other for me.  
  
  
 **-What are you waiting for ? Exclaims Richard. Open them !!  
  
-If you need any help, I am here. Starts Jason. But on one condition, sharing them with me.  
  
-I will prefer the help of the girls. I reply with amusement.  
  
-No problem, Snake. Exclaims my girls.** **We are coming !!  
**  
  
We open the gifts and discover various things. A typewriter from Dany, a new guitar from my fathers, a killer costume (the one from the _Mein Teil_ concert) from the "Ramm-Girls", A Celtic Necklace from Maria And Chris, the new album "Skills in Pills" by Till himself...  
  
  
For others, Schneider and his girlfriend offered me the new Rammstein collection. Oliver gave me an antique music box. And the biggest gift is a plane ticket from my other girl friends.  
  
  
 **-Sweden? I exclaim with surprise. Why this country instead of so many others?  
  
-It's for my new album's release and also to spend Christmas there !! Answers the man who has white hair.  
  
-It's fantastic !!** **I exclaim with joy and then settle down on the sofa.  
**  
  
I relax for a little while but it makes me think back to my parents. They were always here for my birthday but now I get to my 19 years without them by my side.  
  
  
 **-Dany, I have to talk to you. I say to my brother. Come next to me.  
  
-Something bothering you, my love? He says, joining me.  
  
-I want to ask you about our parents, it's been a while since I had seen them or heard of them.  
  
-Gabriel is very odd, but he says that I don't have to worry about you as long as you're in good hands. Answers Daniel but hesitates to continue.  
  
-You better tell her also about Samantha, my _Danychou_. ****Says his girlfriend.  
**  
  
My big brother glares at Gabriella and makes the gesture of "I'll cut off your head." Anyway, I want to know and right away.  
  
  
 **-She's mysterious lately... Says the Mexican. I wonder what's wrong with her.  
  
-In addition to this, she's trying to make up our father against you to disinherit you because of- your ex-boyfriend. Begins my brother.** **But Gabriel refused to do so.  
**  
  
I feel my heart squeezing in my chest, I knew from the start that all the tears she had shed were only for her reputation, only for the cameras. I really hate to sow chaos around me.  
  
  
 **-Daniel, I'll kill you right away !! Shouts Richard. Leave my daughter alone, look how sad you made her.  
  
-Don't worry, Uncle Richard, it's all right. I say as I get up and then head towards the singer. A last slow, Till?  
  
** **-Okay... Answer this one.  
**  
  
We begin to dance in the middle of the dance floor, one against the other. I feel very good with him now that I know he is in love with one of my friends and will not try a crazy thing again.  
  
 **  
** **-It never worked between us... He says, looking at me straight in the eye.  
  
-You want to try again ? I ask as I lift myself up to him.  
  
-No, only once is enough. He answers with a discreet smile on his lips.  
  
-How's that once?** **I start but understand directly.  
**  
  
The day I kissed him, he was not unconscious. I had felt him move but I believed in a hallucination. I think my friend is not going to kill me for that.  
  
 **  
** **-At the hospital. whispers Lindemann. I was half conscious to know what was happening around me without being able to move.  
  
-Despite all this I don't want anyone to know. I whisper in my turn.** **It will be our little secret, buried here forever.  
**  
  
We move away from each other with a last meaningful look. I wave to my girl friends to join me. We regroup in the other salon and I notice very well their interrogative looks.  
  
  
 **-Till Lindemann is in love with one of you girls. I tell them.  
  
-And are you aware of the happy woman's identity? Asks Mika.  
  
-In a way, yeah. I simply answer.** **I think Till will invite her to date him during Christmas, so I wish her good luck.  
**  
  
Now that those who are not in couple are aware. Let the hunting begins today...  
  
  
 **  
** _ **to be continued...**_


	37. Christmas in Sweden

**-Are you ready, girls?** **I ask while entering the guest room.  
**  
  
I look around and notice the clothes scattered here and there in the room. They will never finish in time to put everything tidy before the departure. I will think of asking a maid to put this bazaar on its feet.  
  
  
 **-What are you looking for, Fleure? I ask her when I see her rummaging through clothes.  
  
-My cellphone. She says. I can't find it anywhere.  
  
-Did you look in your pocket? I tell her sarcastically and then turn to the other girls. Come on, take out the suitcases, Paul is waiting for us on their bus.  
  
-Jim, can I help you get your suitcase out? Richard asks from outside.  
  
-You'll find it in my room in front of the entrance.** **I answer, opening the door.  
**  
  
I let my army take out their suitcases all by themselves and leave the house. I distinguish Paul very well with my brother and my friend in the van. This bus is the last vehicle my fathers just bought.  
  
 **  
** **-Where are the others ? Asks Jason who is installed at the front seat.  
  
-We are here !! The women exclaim, joining us. Rather, where is Richard?  
  
-No idea, you saw him somewhere? Asks the concerned, smoking a cigarette, in the rear seats.  
  
-Since when you've been there hon- i mean Rich.** **Paul asks and he blushes in embarrassment.  
**  
  
I knock my head against the door several times. The fool was about to reveal their relationship in full public. It's better to put tape on his mouth so that he doesn't make a stupidity.  
  
  
 **-Are we going to start before I kill one of you? I say, clenching my teeth.  
  
-Keep quiet, Indian. Says Richard advancing into the small hallway between the seats.** **The plane will not run away.  
**  
  
I join my seat next to the brown and put the earphones in my ears. I listen to Lindemann's new album all the way to the airport. When we arrive, we find two cars waiting for us.  
  
  
 **-Who will come with us? Asks May, looking from the front window. I only see two cars.  
  
-I think Nele and Marie-Louise are not here. Answers Nadia.** **And even Maria is not with her husband.  
**  
  
We all go down from the van and walk towards our friends. We hug each other and ask for news from the others. Khira replies that they had an urgent appointment and that they will join us at Christmas.  
  
  
 **-The plane's arrived, Till? Asks the tattooed.  
  
-I think so, everything is settled. Answers the concerned. We're just going to pass the customs for the audits.  
  
-We will be aboard your private jet? Black requests.  
  
-The plane is too small to take us all. Lorenz answers in his place.** **That's why Till had asked for a larger plane.  
**  
  
Schneider, who was talking on the phone a while ago, comes to us. I think he's intending to say something.  
  
  
 **-I just called our team and Rafael told me that he will be here in at least half an hour to take our cars.  
**  
  
The trip goes incredibly well. The girls spend their time discussing the novelties of rock. The boys chatting German, while me and Till are discussing on his new album. I love it !! Well... there are two or three that are not my taste.  
  
  
Arriving in Sweden, I notice that a private bus is waiting for us. This one takes us to our hotel and then leaves. People in the car park look at us. This is surely because of our number, nothing to do with the group that is around us because they are disguised.  
  
 **  
** **-We'll take a whole floor. Announces Richard, lighting a cigarette.  
  
-Are you serious, dude ?! Exclaims Dany.  
  
-Even the hotel will not be enough for us, like the plane. Schneider replies in his place.** **On top of that, it's better to be discreet.  
**  
  
This idea is not unpleasant. To be just all 16 in one floor. Let's pray that it's the one I see from here, the floor that has a small terrace.  
  
 **  
** **-And I think it will be a good idea if we get divided now. Proposes Oliver.  
  
-Good idea, Ollie. Says Khira. I'll be with Schnei, I don't trust the girls in the bar.  
  
-And me with Oliver. Announces Till. Dany and his girlfriend, Jason with his, Paul with Richard, Flake and his daughter, the girls together and finally... Jim will go with Michaela.  
  
-Ok, we're fine. Says Lorenz.** **We're entering now?  
**  
  
An employee takes us to our rooms and barely on the bed, I hear a knock on the door. I shout to Mika to go open and close my eyes.  
  
 **  
** **-Girls, we're going down to the minibar to get drinks, you come with us?  
  
-Not me, my feet are like gelatin. I answer, resting my head on the cushion.  
  
** **-Ok, we're leaving you here !!  
**  
  
I hear the door closing and I sleep back immediately. I'm really exhausted from the ride and on top of that, my doctor told me to avoid moving too much after airplane trips. The plane is usually bad for pregnant women.  
  
  
 Ellipse ~ up to Christmas ~  
  
  
Christmas is finally here, Till had published his new album with Peter and it had made a worldwide success. Our is published in turn, that same day, and we wait for the fans' reactions.  
  
  
We had spent the last few days visiting the sights and it was great. I had taken lots of pictures with the intention of putting them on my Facebook page, once I get home. But it had not snowed much...  
  
  
At this moment we are preparing the gifts to put them under the tree. The whole floor is decorated in our own way with garlands representing the logos of our four rock groups (Rammstein, Emigrate, Lindemann and Ramm-Girls), with also cardboard guitars.  
  
  
 **-I finished with the last gift. Says Khira. Can we go out now to see the big fir tree?  
  
** **-As you want... Sigh her two males, Doom and Zven, at the same time.  
**  
  
I put on a big coat to protect myself from the cold and then go after them. Walking to the city center. There are no cars in the roads and this is normal since it's late and everyone is back home.  
  
  
We only find a small number of people next to the tree doing things that I really don't understand.  
  
 **  
** **-It's said that if one hangs a thing on its branches and makes a wish, it will be fulfilled. Exclaims the redhead.  
  
-I don't believe in this old stories that make us sleep standing up. Spits Jason, who doesn't like this stuff.  
  
-Jason Black !! Stop disturbing my girlfriend otherwise you will have to do with me !!** **Schneider threats.  
**  
  
Suddenly, it starts to rain and everyone run away to shelter from the water that falls from the sky. I don't pay attention and stay in the rain enjoying its soft contact with my skin.  
  
 **  
** **-You like rain too?** **Exclaims anyone but Flake.  
**  
  
I don't answer but grab him by the arm and pull him towards me. We start dancing like idiots while singing "Rain Over Me". I don't know how long we stood here turning in the empty space.  
  
  
 **-Jim, my god, you'll catch pneumonia if you stay longer in the rain !! Annie exclaims, putting a jacket on my shoulders, then another on her father's.  
  
-We're not going to get sick, relax. I say turning in circles. The people born in November are frogs.  
  
-I think you had a great rain hit, seriously frogs ?! Says Richard, coming towards us.** **Come with me, Jim.  
**  
  
Richard takes me in his arms like a princess and escorts us to the cafeteria where the others are looking at us. He rests me on a chair and orders the waiter who takes us two cups of hot chocolate.  
  
  
 **-What made you dance in the rain! Till exclaims, gently tapping the table. You are completely soaked.  
  
-Talk softly, _amigo_. I say to him, feeling wavering. You'll wake up the mammoths.  
  
-Not the mammoths. Says Lorenz. Rather the unicorns will trample you.  
  
-I think you need a long rest until tomorrow. Criticizes Khira.** **I think we have to get them back, Rich ask for a taxi.  
**  
  
I feel all around me turning. I suddenly feel weak and unable to move. I get up from my chair to wash my face in the bathroom and chase this feeling, but I immediately lose balance and find myself in Oliver's arms, who is the closer.  
  
 **  
** **-Boys, we have a serious problem here...  
**  
  
This is the last words I hear before losing consciousness...  
  
  
POV TILL:  
  
  
I turn to Oliver and see my friend's daughter falling on the bassist's arms. I run to them and grab her and then raise her between my arms. I really don't want Riedel to discover the secret that the girl's hiding.  
  
  
 **-Are you sure you want to hold her, Till? Daniel asks me. I am her brother and I can really do it for you.  
  
-I can carry her to the hotel myself.** **I answer with confidence.  
**  
  
We wait a little until the taxi comes and then return to the building. I leave Jim in her room, under the care of her friend Michaela. I go back to my room, take a shower and then go straight to bed.  
  
  
In the morning, I wake up and recognize Oliver's voice that's shaking me. I give him a brief look and then put the blanket on my head.  
  
 **  
** **-Till, everyone is waiting for you in front of the pine tree. He says, removing it again.** **It's time for gifts.  
**  
  
I grin then get up from my comfortable bed and scamper towards the bathroom. I do my essentials then drape myself in a towel and come out to discover that my colleague is still in the room.  
  
  
 **-A problem, Ollie? I ask, putting on a boxer then the pants. What is traumatizing you at this point, _freund_?  
  
-Jimaima is very similar to the girl we met in the past. He says, staring into the void.** **The brunette in the bar...  
**  
  
I look at his reflection in the mirror and then turn to him. It's out of way that my stupid friend informs him of the resemblance. We had spent a whole year to console him for his ex-girlfriend's disappearance.  
  
  
 **-Say a word to him and I'll remake your face.** **I threaten him then continue gently: We will unpack the gifts now?  
**  
  
I go ahead and go out into the corridor where our pine tree is. Everyone here is opening gifts, even Jimaima and my skinny best friend. I walk, with a step I try to keep calm, towards them and declare my presence by coughing.  
  
  
 **-Hello, Till. Salutes my eldest daughter, kissing me on the cheek. Your gifts are waiting for you.  
  
- _Hallo, Tillchen_ !! Exclaims the brunette, handing me a collie. I have a surprise for you.  
  
-How many times should I repeat that I really don't like ridiculous nicknames !!  
  
** **-Ok, first take your gift and fulminate after...  
**  
  
I take it and tear the wrapping paper to discover a simple box of playing cards. I look at Jim interrogatively and she simply smiles at me.  
  
 **  
** **-Your real gift is for tonight.** **She winks at me.  
**  
  
  
POV JIMAIMA:  
  
  
I'm looking forward to my plan, I've been waiting the action since this morning. I let my girl friend watching TV and go out into the corridor to Lindemann's room. I knock on the door and wait...  
  
  
 **-I have a little gift for you. I say, handing him the candy box.  
  
-What is this? He starts but I stop him.  
  
-The way is free, there is only her in the room. I say with a wink.  
  
-Are you sure we are thinking about the same person? He says, looking at me interrogatively.  
  
-If you really like her, it's time to approach her, with the sweetheart candies. I answer him.** **Good luck...  
**  
  
I leave him and go out to the veranda where I find my other friends drinking. I cross my fingers and wait for what will happen between my girl friend and Till. A long moment of waiting passes then I see them entering, hand in hand.  
  
  
 **-Geronimo !! I shout with joy. I succeeded !!  
  
-Thank you, Jim. Michaela starts, shaking her man's hand. You're the best friend in the world.  
  
** **-We need explanations... Launches Marie, looking at the couple.  
**  
  
I simply smile and give a sign to the couple to give explanations to the others. I like to sow happiness around me...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	38. New Year in Paris

**-We had a wonderful Christmas with you, but it's time to go home now. Announce the girls.  
  
-It's almost New Year and you're going to stay. Says Till. This is an order from Major Lindemann, isn't it, Mika?  
  
- _Ja_ , Commander-in-Chief !! Exclaims his girlfriend, waving her hand to the temple.  
  
-We go back to Germany for the New Year?** **I ask, sitting on Paul's knees.  
**  
  
Right now, we are in our floor's veranda about to have lunch together. Our vacations here is over but I don't know if we will be coming home or not.  
  
  
 **-Nope.** **Says Khira who is on Christoph's lap. Another country ?  
  
-France or Italy? Proposes Oliver who was silent from the beginning.  
  
-Paris and the Eiffel Tower, love, chocolates in hearts shapes... Dreams Richard, displaying a lover signe on the face.  
  
-Richard is in love !! Mocks Nadia then asks: So, Paris?  
  
** **-Then go for Paris. All exclaim at once.  
**  
  
I get up from my place on my father's lap and go get a glass of soda for myself. Mika gets up and comes to join me, followed by the rock band. We go inside our floor then direction the girls' room.  
 **  
  
** **-What have you done to put them together, Jim? Gaby asks me as she settles down on a bed.  
  
-It's not rocket science, it's just a few candies and a piercing look to find out who our dear Till was interested in.  
  
-Can you give me that same service by sticking me with Richard? May demands with a shy little voice.  
  
-Kruspe is already with someone... I tell her.** **And it will be better not to turn around, otherwise Marge will tear you to pieces.  
**  
  
We all start laughing sarcastically for a few seconds but this stops when we hear bad words coming from the corridor. We exchange looks and then decide to go out to find out what's wrong with them.  
  
  
 **-What is she doing here? I say, staring at Sophia with disgust.  
  
-Quiet, Jim. Lindemann says to me. She only wants to ask for forgiveness...  
  
-Till, you know very well what that means. Says his girlfriend. She wants to get back together with you.  
  
-Mika stay quiet. Schneider says, holding her away. Till will never let you down...  
  
-So you don't waste your time and start a new relationship?** **Asks Thomalla.  
**  
  
Annoyed by their disputes that will never end, I go back to my room to put my clothes in order. I also list my new friend's things, I lodge with Annie now that Till is with Michaela.  
  
  
I lay down on my bed and put music on my laptop and then pull the tablet out of the bag. I light it and the photo that appears on the screen makes me swear, I forgot to remove the old picture of us, Emil and me.  
  
 **  
** **-Jimmy, it's time to go. Announces the blonde while entering our room. Till advanced the trip.  
  
-I need to rest !! I protest. Well, ask the boys to come in and get my suitcase out for me.  
  
-No problem and thank you for storing my own suitcase !! She said as she left.** **In fact, Till and Sophia have reconciled ...  
**  
  
 Ellipse ~ a day ~  
  
  
France, Paris, the Eiffel Tower... All this is romantic. Yes, we are in the city of love right now. My current hotel room that I share with the girl who wears glasses overlooks the monument.  
  
  
 **-Carter, seriously? Are you going to make it again to get sick? Asks my brother's girlfriend.  
  
-I want to go play in the snow with the others, me !! Exclaims May. Come on, stand up lazy girl.  
  
-It's not you who's bearing twins in your belly, Chinese girl.** **I exclaim, striking her with a cushion.  
**  
  
I wonder what my friends eat to be on foot after a long plane trip. Me, it's enough for me to exceed 50 kms to become gelatin.  
  
  
 **-Well, okay... I sigh with annoyance.** **But if one of you strikes me with snow I will be very furious.  
**  
  
I take a windbreaker out of my wardrobe and put it and leave the room with May and Gaby. Arriving at the hotel's bottom, I choke with my own saliva discovering that even the members of Rammstein are playing at the snowballs battle.  
  
  
 **-I think I'm going to have a heart attack... I whisper as I watch Paul throwing a ball on Schneider.  
  
-Stop staring at us like that and join us !!** **Cries out Marie, to my right.  
**  
  
I shake my shoulders then bend over and pick up some snow to make a ball. I look a little around me then throw on the first one I see. Richard gets the snow right in his face and his haircut gets ruined.  
  
  
 **-Look at what you did to my pretty haircut, Jim! He screams, falsely vexed.** **I'll make you eat the snow.  
**  
  
We keep playing together like crazy. We don't pay attention to the other guests who're looking at us oddly as though they never played with the snow. Not serious, I'm with big kids...  
  
  
After a good dinner in the local restaurant, Nele proposes that we go to a Casino to dance. What the other girls accept but my father refuses in the first place, I think he is afraid that I drink, as the last time, but the girls promise him not to let me touch a bottle.  
  
  
We prepare ourselves and then Khira asks for a taxi to escort us to the most popular Casino. Fleure seems paranoid and looks at the city with sparkling eyes. Arrived in front of the doors, we show our cards and then goes inside.  
  
  
 **-I want to dance with all my energy, girls !! Exclaims Nadia, starting to wiggle.  
  
-Me too, come on.** **I throw and then pull her towards the dancing crowd.  
**  
  
I make a passage between the bodies that dance against each other, while holding my friend's hand in mine. We find a non-crowded corner and begin to dance to crazy music.  
  
  
After long minutes to dance like crazy, we finally stop and I propose to drink a thing in the bar. To my big surprise, I recognize a brown guy sipping a beer with a girl.  
  
  
 **-David !! I call him with a wave of the hand. I'm very glad to see you again.  
  
-Miss Carter !! He exclaims as he gets up. We have not seen each other for a long time.  
  
-Good, I leave you. Says Nadia, looking at my old friend.** **I'll join the girls, and Jim you're forbidden to drink.  
**  
  
I acquire with a brief head gesture then take place in front of the actor. We spend a long time discussing and I tell him my latest news and he also tells me his own. I don't, like the last time, pay attention to the time and it runs quickly...  
  
  
 **-It's getting late, I'll join my girl friends. I tell him while I get up. We'll see each other again.  
  
-It's a pleasure to see you again, young Carter. He salutes me in his turn.** **I leave you too, goodbye.  
**  
  
After a last good-bye, I make a passage between the dancers and search my band colleagues, but find them no where. The panic begins and the beating of my heart accelerates. I leave the building to see if they are outside but nobody is here...  
  
  
 **- _Salut beauté_ , you're lost? Asks a drunken man's voice.  
  
-No. Everything is fine. I lie, trying to avoid him.** **I'll go back to the casino.  
**  
  
I start to get away from the drunkard but I feel him pulling my hair back. I give him a shot in the coats but he dodges it and takes a hook, I find myself on the floor.  
  
  


 

 

**-We don't play with me !! He screams with rage, laying a blade on my neck.**

**-Don't touch my wife !! Shouts a voice that I recognize very well.** **Bastard.  
**

The man walks away from me and throws the knife aside. I see my ex holding a gun pointed at my assailant. This is the first time I feel very happy to see him, I just look at him and he stretches out his hand so that I get up.

 

**-What are you doing here alone? He asks, while accompanying me to his car.**

**-I was with my friends but they have disappeared, and suddenly I found myself alone.** **I answer, getting into the front seat.  
**

He takes me back to the hotel without even asking me the address and I doubt that he was spying on me. Arrived at my residence, he gets out and then opens the door and I notice our friends who are outside waiting for me.

**  
** **-Jim, oh my god. Exclaims Maria, running towards me. Are you all right, darling?**

**-Yes, don't worry... I reply, letting Emil carry me.** **Tell the girls that all is well.  
**

Reinke leads me inside and then to my room and puts me on my bed. He seems really furious and ready to explode on the first who will make a false gesture.

**  
** **-What happened ? Asks Christoph, staring at us.**

**-A drunkard was going to kill her, and her friends left her alone. Emil replies gravely.**

**-Stop shouting like this, I'm okay. I say while I get up.** **And they didn't abandon me, I was with a friend.  
**

Emil gives me a kiss on the forehead and then throws a last look at the people who are gathered in front of the door before shaking his head and leaving. Dude, he makes a horrible crisis for a moment, but the moment after he goes away as if nothing had happened.

 

Now that everything is back in order, I must tell them what happened so that I find myself with Emil Reinke. I intend to keep our relationship secret the longest and say nothing about the two of us.

 

 Ellipse ~ until New Year ~

 

I am preparing myself in my room to go to a restaurant with my friends. I put on a long robe of color blue, a jacket in jeans and boots.

 

I haven't seen Emil in the last few days and it's better for the two of us not to meet once again. Especially when Flake told me that Emi had told him I was under his responsibility until his return.

 

**-Jim, good lord, I'm not going to spend the whole story asking you to join us. Dany exclaims as he enters the room.**

**-I'm ready, _Danychou_. I joke in imitating his girlfriend. But, girls are the girls ready as well?**

**-You're the only one remaining, doll. He teases me. Besides, are you sure telling them about the twins?**

**-Yes, I'm sure 100%. I answer, closing the door.** **But the best is not to say that the father's Emil, they will have a shock.  
**

We climb into the elevator and then hand over our card to the receptionist before leaving the building to join the others. Dany asked for a taxi and this one is waiting for us in the parking lot of the building.

 

The ride lasts only a few minutes and we finally arrive at the restaurant. I make my VIP entrance and attract the guys' glances in the vicinity. I notice well our own, which are around a large table, in an isolated corner of the curious eyes.

 

**-It took you a while to get ready, Carter. Till says, shaking his girlfriend's hand.**

**-The dress didn't want to get on me. I joke as I sit on the empty seat.** **Where are Paul and Richard?**

******-In the toilet, I think. Replies Khira then asks: Why did your dress refuse to get on you? You took extra pounds?**

**-No that's not it. Answers my brother in my place. In fact, my sister wants to announce something to you...**

**-Waiting for others to come back? Asks Flake, an expressive look.**

**-Father and Uncle Rich are aware. I answer.** **I want to tell you that I am pregnant for a few months, something I have hidden from you since a while...  
**

An icy silence settles around us and I avoid looking at them to know their reactions. I fear they will reject me for hiding the truth from them and don't even notice that my fathers have returned.

 

**-I can swear that all was well when we left.** **Starts Landers, worried.**

**-And you are the father, Kruspe? Oliver asks, suspiciously.**

**-What ?? Exclaims the latter, lost. I don't know what you're talking about, man.**

**-They're talking about Jimaima, Richard. Maria tells him.** **And I think you are not the father.  
**

Richard looks at me interrogatively and I put my hand on my 5 moths bounced belly to explain what they are talking about. He simply smiles and then joins his place, leaving the others confused.

 

**- _Nein, nein_ !! It's not me, and it's not important. ** **He says, leaving me relieved.  
**

To my delight, they don't come back on the subject but rather find other cheats on which to talk. We all celebrate together and start the countdown before returning to our hotel, late, to prepare our suitcases.

 

The days of rest are over, we are back to Germany. The disgusting routine comes back and I feel on my nerves. Emil always remains in the shade and I feel that I miss him a lot. And my girl friends went back to America, only Mika is here.

 

**-Stop playing with food, it's not polite.** **Says Paul, taking me out of my dreams.  
**

We are at Khira and Schneider's who invited us to have dinner with them. I was in the vapes all evening and I did not touch the food.

 

**-All is okay, Jim? Asks Khira. Or is it related to someone?**

**-I don't want to be rude, but I want to go home. I say while I get up. I feel a bit dizzy.**

**-Good, I'll take you home. Announces the smoker, rising in turn. Paul, I'll find you here?**

**-I'll go see Erni. Answers the tattooed.** **I'll be back late, maybe.  
**

I go home and then trot down to my room, where I change and wash and then drop directly into the bed. I hear Richard opening the door and wish me good night before leaving.

 

A long moment of silence passes then a shrill cry startles me. I stand up and look at the clock hanging on the wall in front of me. It's already 8 in the morning !?

 

I tear off my bed and then leave the room, my hearing captures a suspicious noise on the lower floor. I go down the stairs and notice people in black in the big living room.

 

**-What is happening ? I say to myself.** **Black is not a good color...  
**

I sink into the silent crowd and enter the living room to discover a coffin in the middle of the room. My heart starts beating and a cold sweat runs down my back.

 

With moist hands and breathless, I walk to the coffin to find out who is lying there. Once in front, I breath deeply and then take a look. This gesture makes me wobble and almost fall.

**  
** **-Oh my God !! I exclaim, putting my hand to my mouth.** **Not you...  
**

 

_**to be continued...** _


	39. The accident

My breathing accelerates and I feel the tears fall down my cheeks to come and die on my lips wide-open.  
  
 **  
** **\- Lord... not him... everyone but not him... I keep repeating.  
**  
  
I feel a hand resting on my shoulder and I let myself go against the torso of the lead guitarist who tightens me against him, trying to comfort me.  
  
  
 **-Paul !!** **I shout very loudly, clutching Richard.  
**  
  
I wake up with a start, once again, and find myself in the arms of Kruspe who tries, as best he could, to wake me up.  
  
  
 **-Jim, calm down I'm here... He says looking at me with a worried look.  
**  
  
I grab a little more on his shoulders then, without really realizing it, I do what I never imagined I could do one day. I kiss him in the mouth.  
  
  
 **-Sorry... I whisper as I get away from him. I don't know what made me do this.  
  
-I understand your reaction very well, you have just seen a nightmare and you needed comfort. Says the smoker without looking at me.  
  
-Please, forgive me... I mumble, grabbing his hand. I've messed up everything and Paul is going to kill me for it.  
  
-This was absolutely not disagreeable. He teases me to calm the electrified atmosphere.** **The best thing is not to do it again if you don't want Paul to kill you...  
**  
  
I really messed up, I really don't know what made me throw myself on him and forget that he's father's man. Shit, Jimaima Carter !!  
  
 **  
** **-Don't say anything about what happened to Paul. I beg him. He will be furious against me.  
  
-I don't hide anything from my _schatz_. ****He announces, shaking his head.  
**  
  
Farewell Jimaima Carter, Paul Heiko Landers is going to put you in cockroach pie because of a stupid nightmare. No, not as stupid as it seemed because it concerns him in the first place. And besides speaking of my father-in-law, he is not here yet...  
 **  
  
** **-Paul is not back yet? I ask to change subject.  
  
-Not yet, it's past midnight but he's still not there.** **Answers the brown.  
**  
  
My heart misses a beat and the details of the nightmare come to my mind. Where can he be, good Lord ?! My God, make nothing horrible happen to him !!  
  
  
 **-Can you tell me your dream to better understand your reaction? He asks after a long moment of silence.  
  
** **-I'm afraid to face it again, it concerns daddy Paul... I lament with a sigh.  
**  
  
The caller's phone rings suddenly, causing us to jump. The brunette takes it to know who it is, but his expression changes abruptly when he looks at the screen. Something's wrong, I'm sure.  
  
  
 **-All right, Erni? He asks.  
  
-Erni Landers? I say with surprise while trying to reach the device.** **What does he want ?  
**  
  
The guitarist prevents me from reaching his phone by placing a hand between us. I start all over again trying to take it away.  
  
  
 **-What ?? Cries out my uncle. Where is he now? I'm coming very soon ?  
  
-What happened ? I ask when he hangs up. Richard, tell me !!  
  
-Get ready, I'll take you to Khira. He simply answers.** **I'll wait for you out, do it fast.  
**  
  
I put on simple clothes, then go out and join the brown in his BMW. Richard seems nervous and I don't dare ask him why, lest he explodes in my face. Finally arrived at my sister's, I notice that her boyfriend's car is not in the parking lot outside and it seems suspicious.  
  
  
 **-Come on, get out... I called my daughter while you were changing. He says, opening the door.** **She is waiting for you.  
**  
  
I walk rapidly towards the big house, glancing from time to time at the large iron walls which encircle the habitat area. I really feel lost...  
  
  
Khira is on the steps of the door waiting for us. The brunette looks like a sad person at the bottom but fights against herself for not showing it. I look at her interrogatively but all she does is smile weakly.  
  
  
 **-Schneider is already there? Asks Kruspe to his daughter.  
  
-Everyone is their. Li replies, avoiding to look at me. We will join you in the early morning, Jim must rest.  
  
-Somebody explain to me what's wrong around !! I exclaim, feeling neglected.  
  
-Not now... Says the brown as he begins to walk away.** **Not after your dream.  
**  
  
Frankly, I don't understand anything at all. I let myself be carried away by my sister who takes me to the guest room. She doesn't say anything at all and I fall asleep on the spot, but my heart tells me that something terrible has happened...  
  
  
In the morning, late in the morning, Khira tells me what is wrong by taking me in Nele's car to the hospital. Paul has had an accident and is in a coma right now. I fainted to wake up in a hospital room.  
  
 **  
** **-Jim, stay strong. Says Maria, who's at my bedside. Paul is too strong and will get away with it.  
  
-I'm afraid of losing him, Maria. I cry, throwing myself into her arms. He's the only parent I have after my own parents dropped me.  
  
-I know him very well. Lorenz says to me from the window.** **I spent almost 20 years with him, outside Rammstein.  
**  
  
Having my other family around me makes me warm and keeps me on the rack. I don't know what would have happened to me without them on my side.  
  
  
 **-I want to see him. I say calmly but sadly and lost.  
  
-Entering his room is forbidden. Chris says to me, coming towards me. You will only see him through the outside window.  
  
-I don't care, the bottom line is that I see him.** **I reply, letting him get up.  
**  
  
The room where my father stays is guarded by bodyguards, the same as those of Till. I advance towards the window, leaning on Khira and Lorenz, then look inside. My heart jumps when I see the bandages that cover the body.  
  
  
I start crying warm tears against the skinny guy's torso, and he taps me on the shoulder comfortably. I feel lost in this universe, the dream is realized and I am afraid of losing my source of life.  
  
 **  
** **-Jim, don't force me to drive you out of here. Khira says in a maternal tone. Stay calm, Landers will get out.  
  
-Say that to Richard who became a zombie in only one day.** **I say to myself, looking at the person concerned.  
**  
  
My other father has resumed his dirty habit and is in the process of smoking like a chimney in a remote corner of the building. I can feel what others don't understand, his trouble and his fear of losing his lover.  
  
  
 **-Oh my Paulchen !! Exclaims a female voice, coming from the elevator.  
  
-Landers... Murmurs Flake looking at his friend. Quick, someone must take Richard away from here before he makes a mistake.  
  
-Get him out of here and make sure that Khira doesn't notice anything. I say in a discreet tone.** **We don't want the others to know about our guitarists.  
**  
  
The Keyboardist simply acquires, then releases me and goes to his friend. He asks him to go for coffee, and he gives him an empty look and then gets up and goes with him to the stairs.  
  
 **  
** **-Where is my father?** **Asks voice that I recognize very well.  
**  
  
I didn't imagine that he will come to see his own father after the last words he had thrown me in the hospital. Even calling him Dad leaves me under the shock...  
  
  
 **-Emil Reinke Landers... your father needs you.** **I say to myself.  
**  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	40. I need you

From the detour of a corridor, I see a red-haired woman accompanied by one of Rammstein's bodyguards. Behind them is my ex-lover.  
  
  
 **-Emil !? Khira exclaims as she sees him coming towards us. What are you doing here ?  
  
** **-I came to see my father... He replies without looking at her.  
**  
  
The boy glances at me, then approaches the window and places his hand on it. I move toward him and notice his sad and moistened eyes, trying to stop his tears and not show them.  
  
  
 **-Oh Emil... I whisper, rounding him with my arms.** **Stay strong...  
**  
  
The young man turns me towards him and then hugs me in a strong embrace, revealing the identity of the twins' father. I feel him sad and all the grudge against my father seems to leave him.  
  
  
 **-What are you doing here, Reinke?** **Sounds a young boy's voice.  
**  
  
I move away from my lover and look at the voice's source. I notice a guy identical to the one I've seen on the frame, Erni Landers.  
  
 **  
** **-I came to see my father, Landers. Emil answers dryly.  
  
-After all the misfortune you inflicted on him? Go away, I don't want to see you here...  
  
-Erni... Starts Arielle, laying her hands on his shoulders. Your father will not like to see you quarreling.  
  
-You're my father's girlfriend, but you have no right to interfere in our affairs.** **Throws my brother-in-law.  
**  
  
The tension seems electric between them. Till, who has just arrived, stands between the two brothers to prevent the young Landers from fighting with Emil. Despite this, Erni is always boiling.  
  
 **  
** **-It's because of you if my father had this accident !! Throws the youngest with a venomous voice.  
  
-Erni Landers !! Threatens Lindemann. Calm down, or I'll get you out of here.  
  
-Paul came to see me and he seemed sad. Continuous Landers.** **He had drunk too much and told me about his grief...  
**  
  
POV EMIL:  
  
  
I hold my girlfriend against me and try not to pay attention to what Erni is saying. My half-brother's words are spicy and I hold back so as not to hit him and ruin my intentions.  
  
  
 **-Paul came to see me and he seemed sad. Continues Landers.** **He had drunk too much and told me about his grief...  
**  
  


 

 

I can't stand it anymore, I release Jim then attack him and get him against the nearest wall. No, I don't intend to hit him but I want to get him listening to me with intention.

 

**-Listen to me carefully. I begin, searching his attention. I have, of course, messed up lately but I changed, thanks to my boss.**

**-I don't believe you. He says acidly, staring at me. You're playing one of your little games.**

******-No, It's not a game, I really want to be forgiven... I was blinded by the desire for vengeance and I didn't understand.  
**

All I want at the moment is to redeem myself from my family. Now that everything is clear, as far as Yvonne's death is concerned, I want to let go of the affair and no longer get back to it.

 

My boss has a hand too in the case. It was him who stretched out his hand and brought me out of the darkness, helping me in my crises. He himself had put Carter in my path.

 

I look at my little brother straight in the eyes, to prove him that I don't lie. He stares at me for a moment and then throws himself into my arms and begins to cry against my shoulder. I press him against me, trying to comfort him.

 

**-Hey shush, don't cry. I whisper to him, stroking his hair.** **Father will survive.  
**

Jimaima wipes her tears looking at us, I hold out my hand and urges her to join us. She snuggles against my chest and buries her head against the side of my neck.

 

**-So he's the father of the twins? Flake asks us behind his glasses. Your choice's not too bad.**

**-Thank you Chris. She smiles at him and asks: Where did you leave Rich?**

**-I kept him away from here. Responds my father's friend, pointing to Arielle with his chin.**

**-Why Paul's girlfriend is included in all this?** **I ask questioningly.  
**

Lorenz shakes his shoulders and then leaves, leaving me in suspense. I release my two most expensive beings then look down the corridor in front and see a false blond approaching.

 

**-Merlin !? I exclaim with surprise. When did you come back from America, old?**

**-This morning, Khira told me that Paul was not going well so I took the first flight. Answers my childhood friend, hugging me.**

**-Good to see you, blondie.** **Mocks my brother, regaining his composure.  
**

Seeing all my family here gathered around me makes my heart warm. I think everyone has forgiven my old rebellion.

**  
** **-Emi, I'm talking to you. Exclaims Merlin Besson, waving his hand in front of my face. And you're not listening to me at all.**

**-Sorry, I was thinking... what did you say?**

**-I told you to come to my house. Retorts my friend.** **I'll invite the girls, you really need to put the ties back in order.  
**

I turn and look at my father who's sleeping peacefully, before encircling my girlfriend's shoulders and accepting the invitation. Besson is right, I have to correct my past mistakes and right now before it's too late.

 

**-Well, come with me Jima, and you too Erni...  
**

Merlin takes us out and we do our best to avoid journalists. I climb aboard my Chevrolet with my Jima and Erni, while the fake blond climbs aboard his auto with his sister Khira. The ride doesn't last long...

 

The Kruspe's house is always as I remember it in the past. Nothing has changed, maybe the iron wall around it but that's not an important detail.

 

**-It's Richard's old house. The brunette exclaims, opening the door. I had seen it in pictures that my agents had sent me.**

**-Did you pay them to spy on us? Cries out my brother. Your girlfriend is crazy.**

**-It wasn't you, but rather Rammstein. Drops my girlfriend, shrugging. Everyone is looking for details on them.**

**-Enough of your exchanges, Merlin is waiting for us.** **I yell for them to stop.  
**

My old boy friend invites me to his place and we all come together. He leads us to the living room and then disappears, bringing my two acolytes, under the pretext that they have something very important to regulate.

 

I sit comfortably on a sofa and then pull my girlfriend on my lap. I missed Jimaima so much and having her beside me calms me.

 

**-I missed you lately, Carter.**

**-Me too, Reinke.** **She answers, kissing me softly.  
**

I empty all my energy in this kiss and don't pay attention to our friends who joined us. Someone coughs loudly, causing us to move away from each other.

 

**-You're celebrating your reunion, lovebirds?** **Pleasants Marie-Louise.**

**-It's hurting the eyes, and I'm going to become blind because of them. Says a brunette whom I don't know.**

**-Too bad, we should have brought some cameras with us.** **Adds little Annie of always.  
**

Jim blushes with embarrassment and this makes me laugh. I squeeze her in my arms and glare at my friends who burst out laughing.

 

**-Ok, maybe the lovebirds will explain how they got together. Demands Nele.**

**-She had caught my attention when I went to see Merl in America. I simply answer. But we separated because of a misunderstanding...**

**-Good to see you together. Starts the brunette. In fact, I'm Michaela Sheppard, Till Lindemann's new girlfriend.**

**-The singer of the Ramm-Girls? I ask, handing her my hand to squeeze it.** **Glad to meet you.  
**

All day long goes into discussion and I feel more at ease with my old friends. They really decided to reintegrate me into the family and forget what I had done in the past.

 

At the end of the evening, I willingly help them in the dinner's preparation with Khira and Merlin, While the others will take care to raise the big table in the veranda which is behind the house.

 

All this passes quite until a noise of metal that falls on the ground makes us jump. I leave everything in my hand and run on the second floor, praying that it's not Jim who is hurt.

 

**-Pardon me... Mumbles this one, covered with dust. I saw the chain hanging from the ceiling and I couldn't stop pulling it.**

**-Still curious and awkward... Exclaims Michaela, rolling her eyes.**

**-I had never paid attention to the chain before. Exclaims Merlin, looking at the iron stairs.**

**-Because you're blind, Merl !!** **Pleasants my half-brother, tapping him on the shoulder.  
**

Jim removes her glasses, which are covered with dust, and wipes them with the corner of her sleeve. A totally mechanical gesture that makes me laugh for a moment before resuming my attention on the black hole on the ceiling.

 

**-I don't care about what's up there, but I want to go up.** **I announce, preparing to engrave the first step of the staircase.  
**

 

_**to be continued...** _


	41. The souvenirs box

POV JIMAIMA:  
  
  
Everything is back in order between my ex and me, even as our reconciliation has trailed the one with his other friends. I watch them take care of the dinner and go upstairs to visit the place.  
  
  
The agents had sent me some of the house's pictures, but it was from outside and I want to visit the inside. I contemplate each plot with admiration.  
  
  
 **-All this splendor and they left it to go live elsewhere.** **I say, continuing my visit of the places.  
**  
  
At the end of the corridor, a chain that hangs from the ceiling attracts my gaze. I walk with quick steps to the wall then grab it and pull it. That makes a crack and then stairs fall from the ceiling, dragging dust on me.  
  
  
 **-Holy crap !!** **I swear between my teeth, shaking my clothes and my hair.  
**  
  
I see the others coming towards me from the outside floor. They seem worried and curious at the same time to know what happened.  
  
  
 **-Pardon me... I mumble. I saw the chain hanging from the ceiling and I couldn't stop pulling it.  
  
** **-Still curious and awkward... Exclaimed Michaela, rolling her eyes.  
**  
  
I don't pay attention to their conversations and stand up to look at the black hole in the ceiling, I don't see very well because of my glasses covered with dust. I remove them and wipe them and then put them back.  
  
  
 **-I don't care about what's up there, but I want to go up.** **Announces Emil, preparing to engrave the first step of the staircase.  
**  
  
The others don't hold him and my lover rises and then lights his cell phone's lamp to better see in the darkness that invades the attic. A long time passes then Reinke goes down.  
  
  
 **-I found a lot of things not very important plus two boxes. He announces, passing his hand over his little beard. We should get them down.  
  
-Ok, and after this we'll go to eat because I'm hungry.** **Exclaims Merlin.  
**  
  
The three boys go up and bring down two boxes that they deposit in the living room before going to the bathroom to get rid of their clothes. While we finish depositing the table.  
  
  
Everyone seems in a hurry to finish his plate and find out what's in the boxes. Once the dinner is over, the table is cleared and the dishes are put in the dishwasher. After that, we all gather in the living room.  
  
 **  
** **-As long as it's your house, Khira and Merlin have to open the boxes.** **Says Mary.  
**  
  
The redhead kneels before the first cardboard and opens it to release a guitar with cut cords. Merlin, in turn, opens the other and discovers a wooden house.  
  
 **  
** **-R and P !!** **Li exclaims. What does this mean?  
**  
  
I kneel beside my sister and take the guitar from her hands. I turn it over and discern the letters R and P also engraved on the back, surrounded by a heart. That sounds weird, but I think I know what it means.  
  
  
 **-I think Richard was going out with a girl who's first name was starting with a P. Anna exclaims.  
  
-No, I don't think so. Says Nele taking the guitar. This isn't an ESP from the collection but a _LES PAUL_ , of Landers.  
  
-So the P is now for Paul. Adds Merlin.** **So the R will be for Rebeca, Raschelle or Regina.  
**  
  
They really have humor about the initials engraved on Paul's guitar. But it will not remain so if they discover that it's Richard and Paul, quite simply.  
  
  


 

 

The guitar next to him, Merlin pulls the wooden house towards the center of our circle, it looks like a doll's house. He hesitates for a moment then pulls on the roof and removes it, unveiling a bunch of pictures inside.

**  
** **-A souvenir box !! Exclaims Mika.** **The photos look very old.  
**

Kruspe takes the pictures out of the interior and puts them on the floor, in the middle of us. I take one of them and discover that they are those of the members of the rock band Rammstein.

 

**-These are those of our fathers. Lorenz says enthusiastically, taking a picture.**

******-They are too cute... Adds Mary, taking another.  
**

The images get from hand to another and none of them escapes my friends' the sarcastic comments. To say the truth, we never imagined finding such a treasure in the the Kruspe's granary.

 

The pictures are diverse, it starts with Richard's then we see very well the other members appearing, but the most visible are those that show Richard and Paul. There are those that are touching and those that are simply hilarious.

 

**-You have found the souvenir box !? Exclaims Richard, standing on the door's steps. I thought I had lost it forever.**

**-Now that you are here, I want to talk to you. His son tells him.** **In private it will be better.  
**

I think the young son of the guitarist suspects something, but I don't know if it's the same thing I know.

 

**-Not now, Merl. Erni tells him. I really want him to explain some of this pictures.**

**-Which one intrigues you, Erni? Asks my father, a little distant.**

**-This one.** **Responds my brother-in-law, showing him an image on which we can see Till chasing Oliver with his own bass.  
**

Richard smiles faintly and then begins to tell us the dispute's cause between the singer and the bassist. In fact, Oliver had turned them into a jerk, formerly, with stupid ideas about Rammstein's new names. He had even troubled Paul, who avoided rehearsals so as not to meet him.

**  
** **"This picture was taken during the preparation of LIFAD's album, Oliver had gone to the recording studio and had proposed" Cookies". Taking it for a stupid new band name, like the previous ones, Till had grown crazy and had chased his colleague in** **the studio to kill him with his own bass, while the others fled from the studio to not see him.  
**

**-Oliver was a _Verdammt Arschloch_! Mika exclaims, trying to catch her breath after laughing so much.**

**-The one who doesn't know him will think that he's a _zwei-meter-engel_. ** **Mocks Richard in turn then turns to Merlin: Now I can come with you.  
**

The blond acquiesces with a brief head gesture then rises from the ground and follows his father. I let a moment pass and then decide to follow them into the guest room.

 

**-You gotta tell them. I hear the boy demand. They too have the right to know.**

**-I can't. Says Richard, looking lost.** **It's too difficult...  
**

Seeing me joining them, my friend's brother stops speaking and stares at me without saying a word.

**  
** **-She's aware of it... Richard warns him, inviting me in with a wave of his hand.**

**-And she said nothing to the others? Exclaims the young Kruspe with surprise.**

**-Jimaima didn't want to make our brilliant image in front of the media get messed. Answers the smoker.**

**-Merlin is right, uncle Richard. I start, entering the room. You suffered too much when you saw your guy with another woman.**

**-His boyfriend !? Exclaims my Emil with surprise, revealing his presence.** **You're _bi_ Richard?  
**

The lead-guitarist sighs then holds his head in his hands and drops onto the wide bed. He seems thoughtful and the best thing is to let him make his decision alone in his corner.

 

**-We let you think. Says his son, tapping his shoulder.** **We will wait for you in the living room...  
**

With this last words, we leave the brown and return to see the others. I avoid saying anything to my boyfriend and let myself drop directly onto the closest sofa in the living room. All I have to do is to wait...

 

**-I have something very important to announce. Says Kruspe as he enters the living room.**

**-Are you sure you're okay, Richard? Asks Khira, worried. You seem very pale compared to yesterday's evening.**

**-Come and sit down. Suggests Marie, typing the place between her and Merlin.** **You look nervous and ready to faint.  
**

The tension seems to rise on the guitarist's side, I notice well the uncontrolled trembling of his hands when he takes place between his son and his girlfriend, Till's daughter. He even pulls a nicotine gum from his pocket and swallows it.

 

**-I- I wanted to let you know about my relationship with Paul, which has lasted for too long.** **Spits the brown then gets silent and waits for their reactions.  
**

A long silence settles on the room and I notice the discomfort in my father's gestures. But come on, let's not be so intimidating to him.

 

**-Wait a second, you mean you're gay? Exclaims Nele, her eyes bulging.**

**-Not gay, rather bi. Corrects Merlin. Don't tell me you're shocked?**

**-I think I need a big glass of Vodka to understand what you just said, Richard. Says my guy.**

**-Emil... stop making your circus with this aspect of lost guy. Throws the blond. You didn't look shocked just now.**

**-Can we have a moment to think? Asks Khira.** **I'm not against the fact that my father is bi, but it's the idea that he's with Paul that leaves me confused.  
**

I think they are not against the idea, rather they need time to understand. All I want right now is that they understand that when the love falls on you, nothing else counts besides the one you love...

 

**-I am not against you. Says Erni, who was silent since the announcement. But I wonder how your girlfriends and your colleagues reactions will be.**

**-I want to know yours right now. Says the smoker with a weak tone. The others will come afterwards.**

**-We're not against you. Announce the sisters Lindemann then Mika and Anna. Besides, it doesn't concern us.**

**-I am not against it, too. Says Emil, being followed by his brother. Think of staying with him.**

**-I think I need more time to handle this, but at the same time I'm not against your situation.**

**-Thank you very much for accepting me as I am.** **Mumbles Richard, wiping his eyes.  
**

The evening passes quietly, Kruspe went to the hospital to watch over his lover. We stayed here to spend the night here at the Kruspe's villa, under the orders of Captain Merlin Besson. I can say that every topic begins to take its place, and I think that's a good thing...

 

 

_**to be continued...** _


	42. Ohne Dich Kann Ich Nicht Sein

POV RICHARD:  
  
  
It's been three long months since Paul fell into coma, my children and his family took the news of our secret relationship well, but my Rammstein colleagues are not even aware of it, even our girlfriends.  
  
  
I feel sinking more and more into depression. Not having my darling with me is making me mad and I don't know how I can live if something bad happens to him.  
  
  
 **-Richard, stop swinging stupid trashes from your mouth.** **I say to myself.  
**  
  
I light another cigarette and look at the landscape that appears in front of me. The night is dark and the only light that comes to me is that of the house I left behind. I lean against the tree and let the memories come back to my mind.  
  
  
The first memory that comes back is that of our encounter at the beginning of our rock band's formation. It was Schneider who introduced him to us because he was part of his former band. At the beginning, I hadn't accepted him among us fearing that he takes my place as the lead-guitarist.  
  
  
He had all what the singer needed in a guitarist; A perfect physic, a great mastery of the guitar as he comes straight from another band and a sacred sense of humor that made him my friends' favorite member, although he is the second oldest between us.  
  
  
But... everything had changed that day...  
  
  
~ FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
I feel really exhausted after my late rehearsal session in the recording studio. All I want is a good glass of warm milk and a cozy bed to sleep until tomorrow night.  
  
  
I go up the stairs to my modest apartment when I notice a mass curled up on itself, in front of my door. I advance, hesitating, and gives it a little blow with my guitar and this one moves.  
  
  
 **-Hey, don't hurt me !! Exclaims a voice I recognize. I am not a thief...  
  
-Landers !! I say, helping him to get up. What are you doing here so late?  
  
-I've been waiting for you all afternoon. ****He answers, holding me the case of the guitar so that I open the door to him.  
**  
  
We enter inside my house and I invite him to pass in the living room while I go to get drinks to us. I go back to him and find him crying on my sofa. It's the first time I see him in this state, without the smile that adorns his face.  
  
  
 **-Stop crying and tell me what grieves you. I begin, moving towards him.  
  
-My girlfriend... left me. He says between two hiccups. She refused my help and took our son and slipped away.  
  
-But why ? I ask as I sit beside him. There must be a reason...  
  
-Yvonne is suffering from a deadly disease... He retorts, still crying. ****I think it was not to hurt me that she ran away.  
**  
  
Paul, the shortest member of our band, throws himself into my arms and begins to cry. For a moment, I stay here without moving or doing anything before surrounding my hands around him and hugging him.  
  
  
 **-Don't worry. I whisper to him, comfortably. I'm here to help you find her...  
  
-Thank you very much, Richard. He says wiping his tears. ****I knew I could count on you and no one else.  
**  
  
~ END OF FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

We had searched his wife and son for a week before finding only the little Emil at his grandmother's. She had refused to give the child to his father, and had treated him as a less than nothing.

 

All the same, he had done his best to give his son a good life, even though they were separated from each other. Emil got to go to the school where my little son goes, some years later, and they became good friends. But the friendship ended some years ago, when Emi started his revenge against his father.

 

And that's where we started to hang around. I had come to know him better and I had begun to appreciate him. He was always smiling and ready to help others even if he didn't feel well.

 

We ended up dating when I saw that we were made for each other. Our relationship had remained secret in the eyes of the others for years, until that day. The day that I had screwed up by flirting with a woman, Merlin's mother, at a party. Everything had stopped between us...

 

I had tried my life and him his, each one by his side, but it had not succeeded well. I always felt empty inside and all the girls with whom I finished, left me for various reasons.

 

The day we resumed contact was the most wonderful day in my life. The day I had been waiting for since an eternity.

 

~ FLASH BACK ~

 

This is the last day of our world tour of LIFAD and we are back-stage at the moment. I greet my fans and then leave them to go to my own room to take a shower that will get me on feet. I undress and enter under the jet of water but a memory comes back to my mind, that of Paul on stage.

 

If the fans were not very blind, they would have seen very well that Landers had behaved strangely. I think I am the only one to have noticed that my colleague was openly flirting with me during _Mann Gegen Mann_.

 

**-Always in the clouds and forget to close the bathroom's door. Pleasants Paul, entering.**

**-What are you doing here, Landers!? I exclaim while trying to hide my body from his perverse sight. Your room is next to Till's.**

**-I came to talk to you. He announces with indifferent air.**

**-Can you at least get out and let me dress? I ask, pointing to the door.**

**-Pfff, as if I had not seen you naked before.** **He sighs while he sits down on a stool.  
**

I quickly finish rinsing the hair soap then pulling a towel out of the chest of drawers and drape it around my waist. I turn to the tattooed and discover him looking at me with a perverse smile.

**  
** **-Will you stop staring at me with this perverse face? I say, pointing a finger at him.**

**-I can't help myself. He snorts, biting his lower lip. You're just crunching.**

**-Wait a second !! I pull back. I'm dreaming or my colleague is openly flirting with me!**

******-I want us to get back together, I'm sick of seeing you make all these girls without doing anything to stop you.  
**

I avoid watching him and get out of the shower, I start wearing my clothes to prevent him from thinking about uncatholic things. Seriously, he leaves me for almost 12 years, and here is he coming back and asking me to get back together...

 

**-I can't let Margaux down. I say, finishing buttoning my shirt. She is pregnant and our daughter will soon be born.**

**-I'm not asking you to let her down. Starts my ex, following me out. Our little secret will be kept warm.**

**-I need time to think.** **I reply.  
**

~ END OF FLASH BACK ~

 

We had recovered well together after that and no one suspected it. When my lover proposed that we move together, I had jumped at the angels and accepted his offer with great pleasure.

 

The second cigarette finished, I relight a third and this is where I feel a presence by my side. I turn behind me and see my little girl standing in front of the big old tree, looking at me with curiosity.

 

**-What are you doing here alone, Dad? She asks in her innocent and childish voice.**

**-Daddy needed to remain alone for a moment to think, my angel. I retort, caressing her blond hair.**

**-You're unhappy and I don't want my dad to be sad.** **Says Alaska, wrapping her little arms around my shoulders.  
**

I squeeze her against me and then get up and crush the cigarette on the floor. I really don't want to show her how Paul's absence gnaws at me from inside. I want her to see me as her big sister knew me, strong and smiling.

 

**-God of heaven, you will get sick if you stay longer in the cold !!**

**-We were about to go back home. I say to Bossieux, carrying my daughter in my arms.** **Don't bother making a whole story about nothing at all.  
**

I go home and then go upstairs to make my little princess sleep. After reading her a story and making sure she sleeps, I go back to my own room. I wash, change to my pajamas and then slip under the covers.

 

**-How long will it last? Asks my girlfriend, entering the room.**

**-I don't know what you're talking about, Marge. I answer without looking at her.**

**-Always the same story. She starts, sitting on the bed. You avoid me, you stay in the cold under the old tree and you don't talk to me.**

**-Please, we will not go back on it. I mumble, raising the blanket over my head. You are getting bad ideas.**

**-It's in relation to your lover's accident, isn't it?** **Asks the guitarist, removing the duvet from my face.  
**

Her words make me jump and I stand up on the cushion on the back of the bed to better see her. How did she know such a trick on us? I really want to know.

 

**-What makes you say that, Margaux? I ask, looking at her interrogatively.**

**\- Please don't deny it and I would understand. She starts in an incredibly calm voice. I'm not blind to miss such a thing.**

**-Which means... ?**

**-That I know about your secret relationship with your colleague. She continues, always calm. Or should I say, Paul Landers?**

**-And what are you going to do? Shout on me because I am bi? I ask with indifference. It's not going to change the fact that I'm with him.**

******-I didn't mean this, but rather on the fact that you left him alone in the hospital without someone to watch over him.  
**

Wait a second !! My girlfriend really said what I just heard coming out of her mouth? She's not angry with me for hiding the truth?

 

**-Go to see him, I think he needs a little help from you to get back on his feet. She smiles at me.**

**-And the two of us? I ask as I get up. We're no more together, I think.**

**-We will remain friends, that's how our relationship started and I think it's about a friendship that it will end.**

**-I adore you !! I kiss her on the cheek. Thank you for your understanding.**

**-Yes, me too but go watch over him...**

**-Come with me. I offer her. I always need you by my side, Margaux.**

******-All right. She replies, rising in her turn.  
**

I change quickly and take my BMW to go to the hospital. The drive passes quickly, thanks to my friend's support. But when we arrive in front of his room's door, I discover that two news are waiting for us...

 

 

_**to be continued...** _


	43. Is everything okay?

POV JIMAIMA:  
  
  
I wake up, a warm body pressed against mine. I move against this embrace and release myself then get out of bed and go to wash my face. I pick up my clothes scattered on the floor and then enter the bathroom.  
  
  
I have been living with Emil for three months in my fathers' house. Paul hasn't yet woken up and this has caused Richard to have a bad mood.  
  
  
I wear my clothes, wash my face then put on my glasses and look straight ahead. The mirror reflects the image of a girl who no longer looks like me, a sad face that only rarely sleeps.  
  
  
 **-I think I need ice cubes for my eyes, I'm horrible.** **I say, checking them.  
**  
  
The ringing of my fiance's phone brings me out of my thoughts. I wait a moment and then it stops and Emil's weary voice answers.  
  
  
Every weekend morning, the doctors called us to inform us about the improvement of my father's condition. But it didn't matter as long as Paul didn't wake up.  
  
 **  
** **-What ?? Emi exclaims in a surprised tone. Are you sure, Doctor Fergusson?  
  
-What is it, Em? I ask, looking at him through the mirror.** **Don't scare me.  
**  
  
Reinke gives me a big smile and then continues to talk with his interlocutor. Finally, he hangs up and starts running around the room to pick up his clothes scattered around the room.  
  
  
 **-Stop running in all directions. I exclaim as I return to the room. You're giving me nausea.  
  
-Father awoke last night. He shouts as he slips on his clothes. I'm crappy happy !!  
  
-I'll come with you...  
  
** **-You're too tired with your eighth month, I'll drop you off at Khira's.  
**  
  
He's my father too and it's out of question to miss the chance to be the first to see him waking up. I have been waiting this moment for months.  
  
  
 **-Emil, it's out of way that you leave me here...  
  
** **-Ok, put on a coat and I'll wait for you in the car.  
**  
  
I take a coat jacket in my wardrobe and put it on quickly and then pick up my bag from the bedside table and go out to join my boyfriend. He starts quickly and accelerates to arrive on time.  
  
  
Once at the large blue building's bottom, we enter and pass to the reception and then to the lower floor in race steps. I feel my breathing cutting off several times until we arrive in front of the room.  
  
  
 **-What the- ? Starts my lover, opening the door. The room is empty !!  
  
-Where is he, good god?** **I exclaim by joining him.  
**  
  
A nurse passes in the almost empty corridor and my fiancé stops to ask her where our father is. The young lady looks in a file hanging at the door and then announces that the patient is in the resuscitation room.  
  
  
 **- _Danke schone, fräulein_. ****Emil says to her in his mother tongue.  
**  
  
We get in the elevator which takes us one floor higher then we head to room 394. I discover Richard and Emigrate' bassist outside the room, this one is guarded by a very strict molosse.  
  
  
Richard doesn't look good, not at all...  
  
  
 **-Margaux !? I exclaim with surprise when I see my uncle's girlfriend.** **What are you doing here at this late hour?  
**  
  
The woman looks up at me and she seems grieved by something very disturbing. I think it's not father Landers who had a discomfort.  
  
  
 **-Arielle had given the order not to let anyone in.** **She announces in a bitter tone.  
**  
  
This horror that's called Arielle is very possessive. She's even worse than Sophia, if I think about it in this way. I talked to them, the bassist and her, this last few months and I had discovered that Marge is better than her.  
  
  
 **-But the guards only receive orders from Emmanuel. I say ,beginning to walk towards the mastiff.** **I wish to see my father, sir.  
**  
  
The bodyguard throws me a brief glance but doesn't calculate me. This puts me in a crazy rage and I push him aside and then make a passage inside. The man tries to hold me back but Emil prevents him.  
  
  
 **-Go and see him. My fiancé asks me.** **I stay with Richard, meanwhile.  
**  
  
I make a small gesture with my head and then close the door. Without turning around, I feel a piercing look grilling my back.  
  
  
 **-How did you get here, little vermin? Asks me the red-haired woman.  
  
-Through the door. I say in a sarcastic tone.** **Look, there's one behind me.  
**  
  
I avoid her and walk to the bed where the tattooed is lying and then put a kiss on the patient's forehead. The latter moves a little and then begins to whisper, but I don't understand.  
  
  
I lean over him to catch what he says but the viper (beware appearances are deceptive, always misleading) takes me away from him.  
  
  
 **-My Paulchen, I'm here... She whispers and caresses his hair.  
**  
  
But my father is not mumbling her first name, rather that of someone else. If I have heard the letters well, I know who he is looking for.  
  
  
 **-... ard. Landers continues to whisper, still unconscious.  
  
\- It's Arielle, my chocolate kitten...  
  
-I want to vomit !! I exclaim, rolling my eyes. No ridiculous nicknames for my father-in-law !!  
  
** **-Ri- Rich- Richard... Ends Paul.  
**  
  
A triumph's smile adorns my lips and I don't hold it back. I look at the woman, straight in the eyes and then get out of the room to let the others know about the situation. I find them in full conversation, all I subtract is that the pretty bassist is aware of the relationship.  
  
  
 **-Jim, is everything okay from your side? Asks the fake blond.  
  
-It's Paul... I answer, biting my lip nervously.** **He claims Richard.  
**  
  
The concerned looks at his ex-girlfriend and this one gives him a kiss of encouragement on the forehead. And at this moment the woman in red comes out, boiling with rage. She jostles me but Kruspe catches me right and restores me to feet.  
  
  
 **-I think I must go and talk to her. Begins the actor, rising. Must really avoid that she says something to the media, journalists are out.  
  
-And I stay with the very dear Bossieux.** **I reply, taking a seat on the bench which my uncle had just left.  
**  
  
We talk about everything and nothing, the bassist and me, and she reveals that the relationship between her ex and my father doesn't affect her. But all I want is to avoid tackling the subject with her. When my Emilchen comes back, I decide to go back to the room.  
  
  
Once on the porch, I notice that Paul is always unconscious. I remain in my place doing nothing, I don't know if I have to go in or out. But at some point, the shorter wakes up and throws himself on his lover.  
  
  
I roll my eyes and sigh of annoyance...  
  
  
 **-Please, not in front of me !! I exclaim, falsely vexed.  
  
-Come here that I'll shake your cheeks, Jim. My father says to me.** **I missed you...  
**  
  
I walk towards the bed, eyes shining with tears, then hug my father. He grimaces in pain and then looks at his bandaged arm.  
  
  
 **-Your right arm is broken. Says my Emil from the door. Happy that you have finally recovered, father.  
  
-Emil... my son... Starts the tattooed while watching his son, eyes in tears.  
  
-Your son, who rebelled against you, begs your forgiveness. Says Reinke as he enters.  
  
-I forgive you, my child.** **Responds my father, extending his other arm to him to join us.  
**  
  
Another month passes, now that all the other Rammstein members are aware of Paul and Richard, these are no longer hiding in front of them. My father-in-law's restoration was well celebrated, and everything is in order now.  
  
  
I live with my fiance in his villa, which is also in Schwerin. I feel very exhausted this last month of pregnancy and Emil folds to my whims the craziest, the one than the others.  
  
  
 **-Emil, I want fries and mayonnaise. I ask from my place in the living room.  
  
-But you just ate a bowl of chocolate ice cream, it's disgusting. Protests my boyfriend, next to me.  
  
-Shleeze !! (Please). I beg him with sparkling eyes. I want some fries.  
  
-Okay. He retorts as he gets up.** **I had thought that the caprices were only going on during the first months of pregnancy.  
**  
  
I turn my attention to the film I'm watching, but at this same moment my phone rings. I pick it up from the table next to me and discover that it's a call from my brother Dany. My instinct tells me that something is wrong...  
  
  
 **-Jim, you have to come to America. Comes his voice when I pick up.** **There's an emergency.  
**  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	44. Gabriel Carter... Secret revealed

**-What is it, Daniel?**

**-Get me Reinke. He asks in a weak voice.** **I will talk with him.  
**

I give the cellphone to my boyfriend who just came back from the kitchen with my food. This one gives me my dish then carries the handset to his ear and starts talking with my brother.

 

**-All right... yes I know, not at all. Says my guy but I don't understand anything about this bazaar. We'll arrive tonight...**

**-All right, Em? I ask him, really worried.**

**-One minute. He tells me then sends a message before returning to me: Prepare a small suitcase for us two, we will take the first flight for America.**

**-Why ? What's the matter ?** **I ask, anxious.  
**

Emil doesn't answer but rather shifts his attention to his cell phone and calls the travel agency to ask for two tickets for tonight. In my side, I prepare a suitcase and then go back to the lounge to taste my fries.

 

In the evening, we take the first Hamburger-Washington flight but I still don't know what's going on around me. We arrive at the city only after 2 hours of exhausting travel.

 

I notice that Rammstein's private car is waiting for us in the parking lot. It was surely Emil who asked for it to get us quickly to the Carter's villa. I fall asleep in the car while the driver takes us to the streets of the big city.

 

**-My love, we are home. I hear the soft voice of my _schatz,_ waking me up.**

**-I feel suddenly nauseous, give me a little more time.** **I say as I stretch.  
**

The driver comes to help him get me out of the car and then brings me up to the front door. Emil thanks him and he leaves without another word. I knock on the door and wait for the residents' response, a moment passes and then the door opens.

 

**-Mister Carter is waiting for you in his room.** **Says a woman I don't recognize.  
**

I take a step inside and the doubtful calm strikes me in the face. I really want to know what's wrong with Carter. We go up to my father's room and then enter the room.

 

To my surprise I find the great director of Carter Corporation lying on his bed. I no longer recognize him in this weak and skeletal body.

 

**-Father! What happened to him, Dany? I ask, shocked.**

**-He had a trauma. Answers my fiance who stands before the bed. Carter doesn't seem to be all right.**

**-A trauma ? Why ?**

**-Samantha had cheated on him... with Simmons, our lawyer.** **My brother answers helplessly.  
**

I run, dragging my heavy weight, towards my father's bed and then fall next to him. I try to wake him up but it doesn't work the first time. After several attempts, Gabriel moves finally, then opens his eyes and looks at me.

 

**-I was waiting for you... He says weakly. I wanted to see you before leaving...**

**-No, don't say this daddy, stay with me. I begin, trying to hold back my tears.**

**-Forgive me my daughter... For hiding the truth from you all this time.**

**-What are you talking about, dad? I ask with interest.**

**-You remember the frame of the two of us in my office?** **He asks and then adds: Remove the picture and you will find the answers you seek...  
**

I peke a kiss on his forehead and then get out of the room to fetch the frame he's talking about. He had always forbidden me to touch it and now I want to know what kind of secrets he hides...

 

POV EMIL:

 

When my brother-in-law told me that the boss was not doing well I panicked. Yes, I admit it, it's Gabriel Carter my boss and it's him who had asked me to kidnap Jimaima so that she would be closer to her true family.

 

But he had turned against me at the last moment during the trial. He had promised me that the girl would be mine if I succeeded in putting her on my father's road, but he had betrayed me and sent my ex to get between my brunette and me.

 

I remember very well our conversation once, when he asked me to kidnap the girl.

 

~ FLASH BACK ~

**  
** **-I have something to ask you. Gabriel says to me once in his office.**

**-You've helped me a lot in the last few years, boss, I'm willing to give you my life in exchange. I say watching him carefully.**

**-Your life is more dear to me, Emil. He shakes his head.** **What I want is that you kidnap my daughter.  
**

For a moment, I look at him with bulging eyes trying to figure out if it's a stupid joke or he's serious. But his expression remains stable and his face impassive.

 

**-What, are you serious ?! I ask, shocked.**

**\- Absolutely serious, Jimaima is not my daughter and I want her to be close to her real family through this kidnap.**

**-I really don't understand anything, you want me to kidnap your daughter who is not your daughter for her- I start but he stops me with a hand gesture.**

**-And who is her real father then? I ask, very curious to know.**

**-He's one of the members of the rock band that she loves. He answers, clasping his fingers over the desk.** **Make your father come and get her.  
**

~ END OF FLASH BACK ~

 

And now I'm standing in front of him, once again, to fulfill my duty to him. I think back to all the things he had done for me, starting by getting me out of my black world by engaging me in the midst of the actors, ending up with the greatest gift I had ever imagined to have, Jimaima Carter Landers.

 

**-Emil, son... He says, watching the brunette getting out of the room.**

**-Boss, I don't want you to leave us. I start, grabbing his hand.**

******-My duty is finished here, now the girl is in good hands.  
**

One question is always gnawing at me from inside, that of why he hadn't said directly to his niece who is her real father without turning around the bush. I really want to know.

**  
** **-Father... so it's real? Asks Dany who was silent since the departure of my girlfriend.**

**-Yes Daniel, Jimaima is not your sister but rather your cousin, my sister's daughter.**

**-And why didn't you tell her directly about her real father's identity? I ask in my turn.**

**-I wanted her to be closer to him before discovering the secret. Responds my father-in-law.** **Her father had done a horrible thing.  
**

Gabriel doesn't finish his words and begins to hiccup, Daniel rushes to him and grabs his hand. I wipe away my tears, which threaten to fall, with my other free hand. Gabriel looks at me with supplicating eyes for a few seconds before releasing his soul in a long sigh.

 

- **Boss... I murmur, closing his eyes.** **Rest in peace.  
**

At this same moment my dulcinea returns from her uncle's office holding an old letter between her fingers. Seeing the expression her face displays, I conclude that she is finally aware of her real father's identity.

 

**-Uncle Gabriel... She whispers as she looks at the lifeless body.**

**-Jimaima... I start looking at her sadly. He is dead...**

**-Emil, I'm losing the waters !! She screams, holding her stomach. The twins are coming...**

**-Daniel !! Quickly, calls an ambulance...  
**

 

_**to be continued...** _


	45. The twins...

EMIL POV (continued):  
  
  
I panic and really don't know what to do. The woman who was in the house is next to my beautiful and tries to calm her by holding her hand. Fortunately the ambulance soon arrives and Dr. Sheppard comes out.  
  
  
Two ambulance men bring back a stretcher and then put my darling there that agitates in all the senses, with pain. They take her down and I gather all my courage to follow them outside.  
  
  
 **-The ambulance for Carter will arrive soon. Announces the doctor.** **Now we have to take the girl to the hospital.  
**  
  
I sit beside the mother of my children and this one clings to me and refuses to let go. I stroke her hair with my free hand and then adjusts the oxygen mask on her face.  
  
 **  
** **-Emil, don't leave me alone... She begs me, holding my hand firmly.  
  
** **-No, I am here my angel. I answer, stroking her face.  
**  
  
Arrived at the hospital, they take her to the delivery room and the doctor refuses to let me join them. I don't know why but it doesn't matter to me, simply because I'm afraid to see my angel screaming badly.  
  
  
I wait for three hours but no doctor comes to let me know about my wife and my twins' situation. Her friends came to cheer me up and comfort me that all is well, but I'm still like marble.  
  
  
 **-Mr. Reinke. Asks Dr. Sheppard, getting out of the room. Congratulations, you've just had two adorable twins;** **a boy and a girl.  
**  
  
I feel flying to the angels and this pushes me to hug him in a strong embrace. The doctor repels me gently and then coughs to clear his throat but I go ahead.  
  
 **  
** **-Can I go to see her? I ask, always in the clouds.  
  
** **-Not now, you must wait that the nurses take her to the room.  
**  
  
The girls come to me and congratulate me. I am very happy and look forward to seeing my babies. The delivery room's door opens and I see my Jima sleeping on a bed with wheels.  
  
  
I wait another half an hour, then I follow a nurse who takes me to my fiancée's room. I enter and notice that all the others have arrived, probably alarmed by the Ramm-Girls. My father looks at me with a gleam of happiness in his eyes.  
  
  
 **-I'm very proud of you, Emil. He says paternally.  
  
-Thank you very much, Paul. I reply while stroking my little beard.  
  
-How have you named them?** **Oliver asks, hugging Fleur in her arms.  
**  
  
I look at him questioningly, dragging my eyes between him and the French. So she is the cause of his bizarre escapades on the weekend? Never mind, I don't meddle in the loving and personal life of my father's friends.  
  
  
 **-Gabriel Paul Landers and Yvonne Anaisse Landers. Answers my lover.  
  
-It's too cute as first names !! Mika exclaims, shaking Till's hand.  
  
-The time for visits is over, for the moment. Announces Jacob as he enters.** **You must wait until the evening to see her again.  
**  
  
The girls grow protesting boos but eventually come out. I confirm that everything goes well with the mother of my little ones and then leave the room in my turn. I stop in the corridor when I see the singer talking to my brother-in-law.  
  
  
 **-I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Carter. Lindemann tells him.  
  
-Thank you very much, Herr Lindemann.** **Stammers the blond, with empty gaze.  
**  
  
I wait them to separate and then catch up with the other blond in front of the elevators. I really need to know a thing.  
 **  
  
** **-Till, where's Christian? I ask while entering the metal monster with him.  
  
-He's not here yet, he's coming with Maria and Anna. He answers, pressing the button to the ground floor. But why this sudden interest in him?  
  
-A secret has got revealed today and I have to find him before it's too late.  
  
-A secret, you say? Like your father and Richard?** **He asks sarcastically.  
**  
  
I roll my eyes and then leave the elevator when it stops. I really have to talk to Flake before the secret will be revealed, because I know very well that my brunette will sting a crisis in front of him...  
  
  
POV JIMAIMA:  
  
  
 **-Gabriel Carter is not my father... I can't stop repeating it in a loop.  
**  
  
The memory of the letter I discovered behind the frame comes back to mind.  
  
  
 **"Dear Jimaima...  
  
If this letter is in your hands, it means that the moment to reveal the secret has finally arrived. I don't know how to begin, by the fact that you are my niece, my sister's daughter? Or that mother had killed herself for your father's sake?  
  
Honey, all I ask from you is not to hate your father. He had certainly caused Anaisse's death by a stupid judgment, he who hates the Americans, but don't blame him. He had never known for your existence.  
  
** **Gabriel Carter... »  
**  
  
I wonder how I didn't understand it from the beginning. We look alike very much, my real father and me, and anyone would have seen it. I wonder if he will see me the same way he saw me before, when we were friends.  
  
  
 **-Jimaima, Maria and Annie are here and they want to see you. Says Mika, letting them in.  
  
-And where is Christian? I ask her.  
  
-Emil hold him back, I think they have some very important things to talk about.** **The young blonde replies.  
**  
  
I straighten up more on the cushions, I feel ready to face the truth. Anyway, I want to face the secret that my adoptive father had hidden for 19 years.  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	46. You are really who I think!?

Maria gives me a maternal smile and then comes to the little bed, which the doctors have installed next to mine, to see the babies.  
  
  
 **-Congratulations, my daughter. The Mexican says to me.  
  
-They are so cute. Annie stares at them. Till told us that they are a girl and a boy.  
  
-Gabriel and Yvonne. Smiles her mother then asks me: Can I bear them?  
  
-Of course, you're their grandmother. I reply sweetly.  
  
-Thank you for considering me as your mother.** **She says, pleased.  
**  
  
No maria you are really my mother and not literally. If I think about it, I'd say you're more like my stepmother. I watch her carrying my daughter delicately in her arms and give her a sweet kiss on the forehead. She is beautiful as grandma.  
  
  
The door opens at this moment and I see Christian all yellow entering, followed closely by my children's father. I understand directly that Emi told him about our relation.  
  
  
 **-Jimaima, we have to talk both. He says, looking lost.  
  
-I don't think it's a good thing, I know that Anaisse died because of you.  
  
-Listen, your mother had left me a letter addressed to me. Starts the Keyboardist.** **You have to read it to understand.  
**  
  
During this verbal exchange, the two other women stay here staring at each other, trying to get some useful thing and understand.  
  
 **  
** **-I think there are people who want explanations here. Starts Maria, not very sure of herself.  
  
-I need more time. I say, not paying attention to others. It's hard to handle the fact that you're my father.  
  
-Christian is your father !? Exclaims my stepmother with surprise. Does that mean that Annie is-  
  
-Her little sister, yes... Emil that was silent cuts off.** **And you are her stepmother.  
**  
  
A silence settles in the room and nobody speaks. Maria and Flake are exchanging looks which are without meanings, while my younger sister is in her corner, thinking.  
  
  
  
 **-So you're really a part of the family, not just by marriage tied to Emil? Asks Maria.  
  
-Yes, I have the papers and everything in my possession. I reply. Gabriel had left them to me.  
  
-Can I carry them in my arms? Asks my progenitor, showing the babies.  
  
-Of course, you're their grandfather after all.** **I answer him.  
**  
  
***  
  
  
Two weeks since I fight against myself to forgive Chris. This one had given me the letter of my mother and I finally understand that it's the fault of both of them if all this had happened.  
  
  
My father, who isn't racist but hates everyone, had left Anaisse because she was an American and he doesn't like those people. My mother, too, had hidden the truth about her identity for fear of losing him, in addition to my existence.  
  
  
 **-Jim, your clan has just landed in our place. Calls my darling.** **They are in the living room.  
**  
  
Our stay was, of course, over in America and we returned to the motherland. My fiance had decided to take me to his house, not far from my fathers and my real daddy. In addition, we had hired a maid to look after the twins.  
  
  
 **-I am coming !!** **I shout in my turn as I get out of our room.  
**  
  
I find my army waiting for me in the living room. I don't pay attention to the others and go directly to Fleure then pull her by the ear.  
  
  
 **-Oliver, huh? I ask, furious. When were you going to tell us?  
  
-I didn't intend to let you know about us. The French replies, grinning. Ollie is not like Richard, he doesn't throw his secrets here and there.  
  
-It's for you that he was disappearing mysteriously every weekend, right?** **I ask, always pulling her ear.  
**  
 **-Jim... Starts Michaela catching me by the hand so I let go.** **They're together, you can't do anything.  
**  
  
I release my friend's ear and carry a straight finger on the Englishwoman's face.  
  
  
 **-Does it amuse you to break the rules like that? You with Lindemann and Dubois with Ollie.  
  
-And I didn't have my Richouille !! Protests May.  
  
-No ridiculous nicknames for my father. I protest, pointing my finger at her.** **And you know he's with someone else.  
**  
  
The Chinese looks at me for a moment then bursts out laughing, taking away the others with her. I love them for this facet in their personalities, find funny in anything.  
  
  
 **-Say, what's your decision about Flake? Asks Gabriella, taking a little serious.  
  
-I don't know...  
  
-Organize a feast and invite his family. Proposes Nadia. I remember Grandma doing this in the country, she was preparing _couscous_ and inviting the whole family.  
  
-Except we're not in Algeria to make _couscous_. ****Says Mika, rolling her eyes.  
**  
  
But I find this idea rather interesting. I will make dinner and invite my father with his wife Maria and Anna.  
  
  
 **-Thank you for this idea, Nady !! I exclaim, pressing her against me. And I'll even make them couscous.  
  
-They'll love it. Says the Algerian woman, kissing her two fingers like Italian cooks.  
  
-In addition to this we will add the specialties of our native countries. Begins Gabriella. For me it will be tacos.  
  
-Good... couscous, Tacos, Canard à l'orange, Sushis, Bratwurst and Pancakes. I start, listing the dishes.  
  
-I'll go make a phone call and ask for the ingredients at the market. Proposes Mika.** **You, prepare the kitchen...  
**  
  
After hours of work and fun in the kitchen, we finally finish dinner. I propose to the girls to stay and eat with us but they refuse, under the pretext that it's a family dinner.  
  
  
 **-Take at least a little of what you have prepared. I propose.** **So we'll know if it's delicious.  
**  
  
So I give them their dishes' parts and they leave, wishing good luck. Half an hour passes and I hear the door's bell. Our guests are sure arrived !!  
  
  
 **-Thank you for accepting my invitation, Chris.** **I tell him, welcoming them.  
**  
  
Emil escorts them to the living room and then fetches them for drinks. We drink and discuss for a while, at the end we go to the table. We eat while continuing to discuss about everything and nothing, even on the new album that Rammstein is preparing.  
  
  
 **-Dinner is delicious !! My father comments, serving himself pancakes.  
  
-Must thank the Ramm-Girls. Says Erni, who came with his girlfriend. They helped Jim.  
  
-Thank you very much. I answer, taking a seat beside my boyfriend.  
  
-Good, I think it's time to go home. Says Maria. Chris? We're going, dear.  
  
-Yes my angel. My father answers as he gets up.** **Jim, we have to leave.  
**  
  
I get up in my turn and walk him back to the exit, but once in front of the door I stop and press him against me in a long embrace.  
  
 **  
** **-I forgive you for everything, _Doktor_ Christian Lorenz. I say crying on his shoulder.  
  
-Thank you very much my daughter. Responds the thin. Now you're really part of the family, of Rammstein too.  
  
-Can I call you Daddy?** **I ask, hesitant.  
**  
  
Tears of joy form on the corner of his eyes and threaten to fall, but he raises his glasses and wipes them  
  
  
 **-Yes, sure... we'll meet again?  
  
-Well, you're welcome here.** **Emil replies in my place.  
**  
  
 **  
** _ **to be continued...**_


	47. Finally some rest

Three months have passed since the twins' birth, death of Uncle Gabriel and the great discovery that concerns my connection with the Lorenz.  
  
  
Nothing very interesting happened, only the few visits of my girl friends. There is also the great news about Big Brother Daniel, he is the new chief of Carter Corporation. He had banished his mother and fired the lawyer Benjamin Simmons.  
  
  
Right now I am at the Lindemann's manor in the balcony doing my favorite job, writing. Till organized a barbecue party and invited everyone. The boys are busy at the grilling and chatting in German.  
 **  
  
** **-What are you doing here, Jim? Asks my father-in-law, Paul.  
  
-I'm trying to move on with the last chapter in my story. I answer, stopping to write. But it seems impossible.  
  
-And what is it about, as a theme?  
  
-I leave it to you to read it, I will go to see Gab and Yve.** **I say simply.  
**  
  
I hand him the notebook and then get up and enter the house. Shouts of quarrels attract my attention, I go in its direction but stop directly when the voices become clearer.  
  
  
 **-... but Emi, I love you !!  
  
-You don't interest me in anything, Lena!** **I have my wife and children.  
**  
  
Our maid, the girl whom I had taken in order to take care of my children, is trying to steal my fiance! She throws herself on my Emil and tries to kiss him but this one rejects her and slaps her. That's when I decide to put an end to this circus.  
  
  
 **-Hey, listen to me. Starts my lover, backing down to the sink. I swear-  
  
-You're fired, Lena !! I shout at the girl. I think you know the way out.  
  
-Madame, forgive me. It's his fault. Strikes the maid but I stop her.  
  
** **-Never bite the hand that gave you food, now get away !!  
**  
  
The girl gulps down her tears and runs out of the kitchen. I watch her leaving the house, without asking for her rest, then turn back to my lover.  
  
  
 **-Jim, listen...  
**  
  
I don't give him time to finish his explanations and put my lips on his. He doesn't respond directly to the kiss, no doubt he's shocked.  
  
  
 **-It's not your fault, Emil. I whisper, gasping. You attract a lot of boredom.  
  
-Thank you to regain confidence in me... He says between two kisses.** **I made you a promise and I don't intend to break it.  
**  
  
We continue our little game for other minutes, but a noisy cough makes us jump. I separate from my fiance and look towards the door.  
  
 **  
** **-You were about to go further. Says an all-red Oliver, holding Fleure's hand.  
  
-This is really not the place to- do things. Adds Dubois, embarrassed too. Not even with Till around.  
  
-Yes- we had forgotten that we were in the kitchen. Declares my lover.  
  
-Next time, think about taking a room. Riedel comments, trying to be serious.** **If Lorenz had seen you, he would make a war with Emil...  
**  
  
We begin to laugh at the good humor of the bass player's good humour. I'll love to imagine Flake as a Wrestler of WWE against "Big Show" or "Triple H". But all this stops when my guy proposes to go see the twins and I wait for him in the garden.  
  
  
I accompany the couple outside the house and it's here that a furious Paul strikes at me. He really doesn't seem to be in his bowl.  
  
  
 **-Richard can't die like that !!  
  
-Uh no- Kruspe is fine and he even seems to be in shape. I answer, pointing to him.  
  
-What ?! But no- I'm not talking about my guy. Starts the tattooed. It's about the story's one.  
  
-Ah, that one... I told you I don't know how to continue. I answer with a shrug.** **Maybe the end will be on Richard opening his vain and swimming in his own blood.  
**  
  
My father starts tapping his foot and seems to be on his nerves' top. Really, I never imagined seeing him as angry because of a story.  
  
 **  
** **-The rest of the story, I want it now !! He shouts, continuing his crisis.  
  
-We leave you and we go. Starts Oliver. See you later.  
  
-Yes, that's it, run away!!  I cry to my friends and then turn to Landers: What do you offer, then?  
  
-Anything, even edit it in vampire story if necessary, and Astride bites him to transform him...  
  
-Oulla, I don't want to get biten !! Mocks Emil, returning from the nursery.** **What's going on here?  
**  
  
I roll my eyes and then decide to tell him about our dispute, his father and me, about a story. Emil remains pensive for a moment then his face clears up.  
  
  
 **-Paul's right, instead of making a story of stylist without tail or head... Starts my guy. Turn it into a stylist's story, who is a vampire looking for her other half.  
  
-It looks interesting, thanks Emi. I exclaim, kissing him on the lips.** **I'll do it again right away.  
**  
  
***  
  
  
After a fat dinner very rich in meat, we go into the movie theater. We all make a bet on the one who will stay awake the longest during a certain movie will be the king until the end of the week.  
  
  
We don't know yet which film Schneider had the idea to choose but I doubt that it's a movie to make you sleep standing, seen our bet. And once everyone is installed on their seats, the drummer announces the title.  
  
  
 **-This is the whole series of Twilight. He says, grimacing.  
  
-It's not true, you know very well that America is sh-. But he stops when I step on his foot. I don't like this movie.  
  
-You made the bet, you can't backtrack. Tells Mika.  
  
-Shitty Doom Schneider.** **I think I heard him muttering in his beard.  
**  
  
Khira rises from her seat and turns off the light and then shoots the film. It's always this stupid love story between a human and a vampire. I loved the books so much but the film is pure shit.  
  
  
At half of the first film, I notice the heads hanging in the void of Erni, Marie and Richard. I discreetly laugh and then adjust my son's position on my knees.  
  
  
Almost the end of the second comes and now others are letting go. All who left are Till, Merlin, Mika, Emil, Schneider and me. To say the truth, I am more focused on my child who is against me and don't pay attention to the film.  
  
  
 **-Please... Emil complains in a dramatic way. Pull a bullet in my head and abridge this suffering.  
  
-Shut the fuck up, Landers !!** **Spits Schneider, exhausted too.  
**  
  
In the middle of the third, Mika and Merlin let Morpheus take them on a long free walk. There is only Till who follows the film like a psychopath and doesn't even blink his eyes.  
  
  
I feel more and more weak, I glance towards my lover and then to our daughter sleeping on his lap, too. I don't let myself sleep, for fear of dropping Gabriel if I go to the dreams land.  
  
  
The fourth comes to an end when I hear Emil and Doom snoring loudly. I get up from my seat and then take Anaisse in my arms and go back to face the singer.  
  
  
 **-I'm going to get the babies to sleep, I'll be right back.  
  
-Don't fall asleep in the corridor.** **Mocks my friend, eyes riveted on the screen.  
**  
  
I quickly do what I have to do and then come back to the room. To my surprise, Lindemann is still standing like an owl. I sometimes wonder if he's a human or an "other thing" to support it all.  
  
 **  
** **-I think there's only us left, and the movie is over. I begin. Are we going to awake the others?  
  
-Well said but I want to leave them here. Says the singer. So that they understand who is the winner.  
  
** **-So I say good night to you... I say, kissing his cheek.  
**  
  
I join my room, Till his and I fall asleep without asking my rest. When I wake up, I notice that it's late in the morning, I get up and discover a breakfast on the bedside table and a small word.  
  
  
 **"Don't worry about the twins, they're with me.** **You are the winners of yesterday's bet and so, we are at your service for the three days that will come. "  
**  
  
I put it away then go to the bathroom, I do the essentials before coming back engulf my meal. Almost my crescent finished that I heard a ringing at the door. I decide to go open but when I do, I stay shocked in front of the person who's before me.  
  
  
 **-Ok, I understood... no need to make a whole story.  
**  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	48. a Devilish twin

**-What is this new haircut?** **I ask, looking at my uncle. You made a stupid bet with Schneider again?  
  
-Listen, I'm-  
  
-And this clothes, it looks like you're planning to go on a date. I continue, cutting him off  
  
-What ??** **But listen to me, I'm not-  
**  
  
A sound of footsteps approaching us cut him off again. I turn around and see Till and Paul approaching us, chatting, and behind them stands...  
  
 **  
** **-By the beard of Papa Emeritus !! I exclaim, looking at him. Richard, you can't be in two places at the same time !!  
  
-When are you going to understand that I am not Richard ?! Shouts the man standing in front of the door.  
  
-Gordon !? What are you doing here?** **Exclaims Richard, approaching his identical.  
**  
  
A strange urge to sing _Mein Teil_ takes hold of me and I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the two Richards who are face to face, as in the video.  
  
  
 **-I'm glad to see you too, Richard.** **Says Gordon, sarcastically.  
  
-Seriously ? Begins my father. You disappear for 12 years and now you come back as if nothing had happened.  
  
-I was like your shadow, they only knew me by the fact that I am your brother. Spits the twin, furious. That's why I decided to do my own career.  
  
-Guys... Starts Landers. I need an explanation of this bazaar.  
  
-Well, friends... I introduce you Gordon Kruspe. Announces Richard.** **My twin brother.  
**  
  
A complete silence settles on us and we look at the two brothers, in turn. To say the truth, I had never found an information on any website that speaks about Gordon Kruspe...  
  
  
 **-You never told me about your brother, Reesh. Says Paul, breaking the silence.  
  
-Because he didn't want me. Gordon answer, entering.** **Let's go somewhere, we're not going to spend the day in front of the door.  
**  
  
Till rolls his eyes and then asks him to follow us to the living room. We all settle on the sofas, and at the same time the others arrive from the outside. I can see the troubled faces they display but no one is talking.  
  
  
 **-Another Richard !! Cries out May with romance. Can I have him as a gift?  
  
-We need explanations of what's going on here.** **Begins Schneider.  
**  
  
Richard sighs and begins to tell everyone why he had hidden his twin's existence. I really don't listen to my Uncle and look at May-Rin, she seems really excited to get Gordon's attention.  
  
  
 **-You also noticed it? Asks Khira, next to me. It seems that your friend is in love with my uncle.  
  
-And she's not going to miss the opportunity to make him fall for her, your father has been her crush for a long time.** **I answer in my turn, rising up.**  
  
  
I leave them to their discussions and go back to my room to write. Whenever I feel a little lost, I begin to sort out ideas for a story. After a long moment, I get up from the table and look out the window.  
  
  
I discover a very humorous show, my Chinese girl friend trying to attract the sexy model's attention, Gordon Kruspe. Looks like I have a video of "Call Me Maybe" being shot live in front of me, except that it's the other brother that's gay.  
  
  
 _Hey, I just met you,  
And this is crazy,  
  
  
But here's my number,  
_ _So call me, maybe!  
_  
  
I don't miss the show and stay here watching them, giggling like crazy. Gordon is helping Till tense the lawn, and the Chinese tries to draw his eyes on her by bringing him juice and cookies, playing Frisbee with the girls. But the mannequin seems not to notice her.  
  
  
 _It's hard to look right  
At you baby,  
  
  
But here's my number,  
_ _So call me, maybe!  
_  
  
 **-Good luck, May !!** **I sigh as I sit on the bed.  
**  
  
I continue my writing for other minutes. I don't pay attention to what is surrounding me, until I hear the door opening and someone coming in.  
  
 **  
** **-They wanted to know where you had gone. Says my man, entering.  
  
-I've been in the room since- I stop and look at the clock. For the whole day ?! But how !?  
  
-I think your passion for writing takes you into another world.** **Pleasants my lover, closing the door behind him.  
**  
  
I get up from the bed, on which I was lying, and approach the closet. I look for another outfit between the clothes and I end up choosing a dress and sandals. I begin to dress myself in front of the mirror, without worrying about my lover's presence.  
  
  
 **-Till suggested to Gordon to stay for dinner. Starts Emil coming towards me.  
  
-The twin pleases to my Chinese very much. I declare, looking at his reflection. I think something will happen on the table.  
  
-A model always believes himself superior. Whispers Reinke, circling his arms around my waist.** **I think he's the narcissist, not Richard.  
**  
  
With a sudden gesture, he turns me towards him and looks at me in the eyes for a long time. I smile and then move away as his lips try to touch mine.  
  
 **  
** **-I'm very hungry, I'll ask to eat in the kitchen. I say, walking towards the door.  
  
-We're going to spend a week here, I can't stand it any longer. He protests, squealing.  
  
-You have to wait a little longer. I smile as I open the door. Where are the twins?  
  
-Anna is taking care of them, it's part of the bet. Answers** **my lover.  
**  
  
 Ellipse ~ until dinner ~  
  
  
 **-I swear, the father-in-law was a shit. Says Gordon, finishing his champagne glass. And Richard was always his target.  
  
-So he left Est for the West?** **Asks Mika, interested.  
  
**  
Still his stories that will never stop... We sat for dinner since two hours, and Mr. Kruspe is talking relentlessly about his old life, as if it interests someone. Um... actually, it really interests the girls to listen.  
  
  
But my opinion about him is that he is a vicious pervert. Why ? Bah, because I had surprised him making the foot to Michaela under the table during dinner. I don't know if the girl had noticed it, but I really intend to tell her about it.  
  
  
 **-Pardon me, I must dispose of the table. I say, starting to get up. And Mika, please come with me.  
  
** **-Okay... Replies my girl friend, looking at me interrogatively.  
**  
  
I grab her by the arm and drive her normally to the dining room's exit, but once outside I pull her up to the room. I make sure no one has followed us and then close the door and then face her.  
  
  
 **-What's your problem, Jim? She says, getting backwards. What have I done ?  
  
-The problem is that of Gordon Kruspe, who is disembarking from nowhere. I say fulminating in rage. And makes the foot to my friend who dates the singer of Rammstein.  
  
-What ?? She screams with surprise but I put my hand on her mouth. How I didn't understand it, but he didn't look at me...  
  
-It's one of his little seduction games, I'm sure. I declare, shaking my head.** **And I'll put him under observation.  
**  
  
Someone knocks on the door and we directly stop talking. I open it to know out who it is and find out Till. I look at him and wait for a word from him.  
  
  
 **-I came to get you, and I heard you talking about Gordon. He starts, looking at us. Something's wrong with this guy?  
  
** **-I think that guy is openly flirting with me... Spits Sheppard, furious.  
**  
  
I hit my head against the threshold of the door and then glare at my band friend. No !! He shouldn't know it this way...  
  
 **  
** **-I'm going to kill this _sohn der hundin_ !! Screams the singer, very enraged then gets out of the room.  
  
-Thank you very much, Mika.** **I throw to my friend furiously and then go after him.  
**  
  
I take a detour to the dining room to warn the mannequin that his life is in danger but I don't find him. Besides, even the others are not at table but rather in the garden. I run outside to my uncle.  
  
  
 **-Where's your twin, Reeshh? I ask Kruspe.  
  
-Gone to take a shower I think. He answers, shrugging his shoulders. But why ?  
  
-Till wants to tear off his skin, he thinks that Gordon's turning around his chick. I say quickly.  
  
-I wish good luck to my dear brother. He says, making the others laugh.  
  
-Instead of coming to help us to save him, you want his death? May worries.  
  
-Help me, _mein gooott_ someone help me! Shouts the twin, running. ****Hold back this psychopath.  
**  
  
I turn directly towards the double door and see the brother running from inside the house, he only wears a towel draped around his waist. Behind him runs Lindemann, an air of rage on his face.  
  
  
 **-Your friend is crazy, Richard. Says Gordon, hiding behind Oliver and Merlin.  
  
-It's not something I don't know. Sighs Richard.  
  
-What is his fucking problem? I don't understand !! He shouts again  
  
-I'm gonna kill you perverse. Strikes the singer trying to reach him but Paul and Merlin keep him back. How dare you put your eyes on my girlfriend?  
  
-Your girlfriend ? But she seemed very happy to see me and even wanted to have me as a present at the first moment.** **Says Gordon, still behind the boys.  
**  
  
The two rivals stare at each other for a moment, trying to understand what the other says. I understand in my turn what is wrong here, Richard's brother had mistaken the girl when he wanted to flirt with May...  
  
  
 **-Who are you talking about, Till? Flake asks his friend questioningly.  
  
-Mika... He announces, looking at Kruspe. And I think he is not talking about her...  
  
-No, it's May that he's talking about.** **I say, putting an end to the misunderstanding.  
**  
  
The woman puts her hands in front of her mouth and tears threaten to fall from her face. She smiles at Richard's twin and then throws herself against him. I am ready to bet all my fortune from Carter Corporation to understand how it works love at first glance. I had spent two weeks before getting Emil...  
  
  
 **-I think everything's settled... Says Merlin, pouring a cup of Vodka.** **Let's celebrate for the new lovers, then.  
**  
  
***  
  
  
Two more months pass, a nanny was re-engaged to look after the twins, but she is older this time. My friends now have their own lives and only Mika and Fleure remain are here.  
  
  
One morning, this morning... Till arrives home and invites us to spend a week in Berlin and take a ride in the amusement park. We hesitate before his proposal, not because we are old for it, but because we don't want to leave Gabriel and Yvonne with the nanny.  
  
  
 **-Don't worry about that. Starts Lindemann. Mom will be happy to take care of these _kleine-engel_...  
  
** **-It will be an honor for me to finally meet Gitta Lindemann.  
**  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	49. An amazing week in Berlin

**-Madam Lindemann, you are great and I adore you. I say to the woman, kissing her on both cheeks.  
  
-Thank you so much, my daughter. The redhead smiles at me. You must be Jimaima Reinke, Christian Lorenz's lost daughter?  
  
-Yes, Madam Lindemann. I answer with respect.  
  
-Please, you can call me Gitta. She tells me then turns to her son: And this young Mexican must be Michaela, your girlfriend.  
  
- _Ja, muter_. ****The singer replies with his mother tongue.  
**  
  
The former journalist looks at my girl friend in all the angles and then acquires with approval. I bite my lower lip to not laugh, my world, the redhead was scanning her.  
  
  
 **-She's better than your ex. Announces the matriarch. How was she called already?  
  
-It's Sophia, _muter_. Paul says as he takes a seat next to me.  
  
-You have just arrived, and I'm tiring you with my questions. Says Gitta as she gets up. Rest, I'll go get you drinks.  
  
-We come to help you, _Freau Lindemann_. ****Say Mika and Fleure, rising.  
**  
  
I rest my head against the armrest and close my eyes for a moment. We finally arrived in Berlin after two hours of travel. A few of my friends stayed in Hamburg for work and suddenly I find myself with Rammstein in addition to my two friends from the Ramm-Girls army.  
  
 **  
** **-Now that you are here. Says the redhead, returning.** **I want to know everything.  
**  
  
***  
  
  
We spent the first day at home to rest from the trip but as soon as the second arrives...  
 **  
  
** **-Quick, Till really doesn't love to wait.** **Doom announces.  
**  
  
Lindemann had saved us a mini bus to drive us all together to the park. We sit comfortably on our seats and everybody does what they like. During the trip, Paul enjoys making the clown, which irritates Till who throws his book to him in the face.  
  
  
 **- _Den mund_ , Landers !! He shouts as he retrieves his book. Otherwise I'll kick you out of the bus.  
  
-Leave him, he's just having fun. Says Ollie, closing his magazine. You know him very well.  
  
-But he doesn't let me read at ease. Protests the singer. He's really disheartening.  
  
-It's really not the time to read, Tillchen. I throw to him, removing my earphone. Listen to music and relax.  
  
-I love to read in travel. The group's oldest member announces.** **It helps me relax...  
**  
  
I shrug my shoulders and then turn to my father and make a sign to him to approach me. The guitarist looks at me interrogatively and then gets up from his seat and comes towards me.  
  
  
 **-Leave Till quiet, he's not reading. I tell, inviting him to sit down.  
  
-If he's not reading, what is he doing then? He asks as he takes his place.  
  
-He's looking for lyrics for the songs of the new album. I simply answer. Do you think it's easy to work on it?  
  
-I didn't think of it this way. Says Doom, from the seat behind. But this is not a good place to work.  
  
-Stop thinking and let me read !!** **Cries out Till from his seat.  
**  
  
We stop directly our discussion for not disturbing the singer and each resumes what he does. I hand over my earpiece and dive into my own world and don't pay attention to others until they tell me that the bus has arrived at its destination.  
  
  
 **-Come on, everyone goes down. Richard says as he gets up from his seat.** **We arrived.  
**  
  
I get up from my seat, Paul follows me out of the bus when a mass falls on me. I catch it and discover that it's my father, he seems not going well. Lorenz tries to get up and then go out but eventually empties his stomach on the sidewalk.  
  
 **  
** **-Dad !! Annie and I cry out at the same time. Oh Lord...  
  
-Don't worry, my daughters. Flake whispers as he grabs the bottle of water Doom gives him. I'm fine.  
  
-Are you sure it's okay, Chris? Asks Till, putting away his reading glasses. You want me to call an ambulance?  
  
-No, I'm fine. He responds, stopping drinking.** **Bus trips stun me a bit, that's all.  
**  
  
My father adjusts his glasses and then starts walking towards the park, followed by the others. I go forward to join them but Till stops me with a gesture of the hand.  
  
  
 **-Keep an eye on your father. He says in a low voice. Maria is not here, so it's up to you to watch over him.  
  
-He only needs a little lemon to recover from this dizziness.** **Proposes Mika, grabbing her boyfriend's hand.  
**  
  
We all enter to the park and everybody chooses a game to play. I choose to go in a Tagada that will shake me a little bit. Lovers go alone for more privacy.  
  
  
I take advantage of the fact that I am in my father and my half-sister's company to drag them in all the possible games. We first make the house of ghosts, and we laugh a great deal, Annie and me, about our father's terrified expression. Continue with the water slide and then the pirate ship.  
  
  
 **-It's Till who called me. Announces Flake, storing his phone.** **We'll join them in the restaurant on the hill.  
**  
  
At lunchtime, we all gather in the restaurant to rest and here, to my big surprise, I see two girls approaching us. At first I think they are Rammstein's fannies and want autographs, but I understand after this.  
  
  
 **-You must be the Ramm-Girls... Begins the one who is brunette, timidly.  
  
-My friend is your fan, and she wants an autograph. Adds her girl friend, a redhead. If you don't mind...  
  
-Of course it doesn't bother us. Mika says as she grabs the girl's notebook.** **Our duty is to make our fans happy.  
**  
  
Michaela signs on the sheet then hands the notebook to Fleure then she holds it to me. I sign in my turn in another sheet and then gives the notebook to the girls who look at us admirably and timidly.  
  
  
 **-Can I ask you a question, Miss Carter? Says the brunette.  
  
-Sure. I answer, waiting for the question.  
  
-I had heard my friends saying that you are Christian Lorenz's lost daughter, Rammstein's Keyboardist. She asks. Is it true ?  
  
-Of course it's true. Answers the man who wears glasses, in my place. Jimaima is my oldest daughter.  
  
-Thank you for the autographs. Says the shy girl.** **Sorry for the inconvenience.  
**  
  
After lunch passing hectic and very awesome, we return to make more games. I keep an eye on my father and this one seems to be better after the anti-vomiting pills that he swallowed. We make the Ferris wheel, bumper cars, darts and other available games.  
  
  
 **-It's time to go back to Lindemann's villa. Announces Till, regrouping us again.  
  
-No !! The day is over and we didn't see much !! The girls say.  
  
-The holidays are not over yet, we have a whole week in front of us. Recalls Kruspe. Tomorrow we'll go sightseeing.  
  
-Then we'll come back to play here, _bitte schone_? Demands Fleure, not very interested in the brown's idea.  
  
-Okay, we'll come back... Paul says, rolling his eyes.** **Now it's time to go home !!  
**  
  
The week passes magnificently between games at the amusement parks, night walks in the city, sightseeing tours and of course a family dinner every night with the Lindemann matriarch. Emil came to join us with his army of companions.  
  
  
Back in Hamburge, Till announces that there is something he wants to share with us. A special surprise for the Ramm-Girls.  
 **  
  
** **-Call the other girls and tell them to join us tomorrow. Flake asks us.  
  
-Why ? I ask, interrogatively. Something very important is happening behind the scenes?  
  
-You'll find out once all the others here.** **Richard says, a mischievous smile on his face.  
**  
  
Mika makes a phone call to our other band friends, we await their arrival on a fire. When their car finally arrives in front of the Lindemann manor, the singer decides to let us know about his decision.  
  
  
 **-Girls, I introduce you our manager Emanuel Fialik. Begins Till. He is here to tell you the news.  
  
-When are you going to decide to spit it, jesus christ !? Exclaims May.  
  
-Hey, don't bother to make a China-Germany war. Pleasants the manager. I wanted to propose you to play on stage with Rammstein during the next concert.  
  
-It's true ?! I exclaim with surprise. We will really be with the famous rock band of all time?  
  
-The question is not "if we're going to play". Begins Gaby.** **Rather "how are we going to play".  
**  
  
The manager seems having put everything in order before meeting us. He pulls a small notebook out of his pocket and opens it.  
  
  
 **-It's simple... during each song, a girl or two will take a position and the others will make stagings.  
  
-Does that mean we're going to be instant replacements? Asks Nadia with interest.  
  
-Yes, that's a bit like this. Answers Emu.  
  
-I think it's an O.K. Begins Mika, our leader.** **Isn't it, army?  
**  
  
We acquire all the five and exchange handshakes with the manager. I'm really excited to play on stage with our biggest idols. Now, must wait for the song list to find out what to do during rehearsals...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	50. JA - NEIN !! Rammstein !!

For a whole week, we trained to play as pros under the boy's assistance. Till had another surprise for us, about a song that we will play in the concert and it's for the next album that will be for 2017.  
  
  
The playlist for the concert will be:  
  
  
-Rammvier (the new song)  
  
-Du Riescht So Gut  
  
-Herzeleid  
  
-Reise Reise  
  
-Mann Gegen Mann  
  
-Halleluja  
  
-Stripped  
  
-Sonne  
  
-Du Hast  
  
-Moskau  
  
-Engel  
  
-Zerstören  
  
-Ohne Dich  
  
-Haifisch  
  
-Wilder Weine  
  
-Laichzeit  
  
-For the last song, Till kept it secret...  
  
  
Richard had announced our participation news on their official page, the fans have accepted us with publications on facebook and twitter. And Merlin offered to be our manager, since we don't have one.  
  
  
D-day is finally here, we are in our changing lodge, the girls and me, to prepare ourselves. Stylists took care of our costumes, and suddenly I'm wearing a tight-fitting rock outfit that shows my curves.  
  
  
 **-You have less than ten minutes left, girls. Remembers our guard from outside.  
  
-I'm stressed. Announces Gabriella, adjusting her belt.  
  
-We had never been on stage before. Says Mika from her luminous mouth.** **But we must keep cool.  
**  
  
This feeling, I know it very well because I feel it too, but I don't show it to the others for not making them more stressed than I actually am. I hold my guitar against me and then out of the change room.  
  
  
I meet some technicians and our bodyguards in the passage, I greet them mechanically. All I want is to talk to my father before starting the concert, he knows how to soothe this anguish. I'm getting closer to the boys' lodge...  
  
  
 **-Are you ready, Jim?** **Asks a voice that I recognize.  
**  
  
I turn around to Christian and look at his costume, he's charming in his glitter combination that he had already put during _"Ich Tu Dir_ _Weh"_ and his face is painted white. He always likes to hide from the looks of people.  
  
  
 **-I'm stressed, Dad. I say between my teeth. Can you help me with something?  
  
-An advice ? He says, circling his arm around my shoulders. Avoid looking directly into the fans crowd...  
  
-Is that what you do often?** **I ask, adjusting my guitar on my shoulder.  
**  
  
The guy with glasses smiles at me softly then nods. I think this is what I will do, avoid facing the public. But if that doesn't work I will switch to Richard's option; Pick someone in the front row and star at him during the whole concert.  
  
 **  
** **-Where are the girls ? He asks, accompanying me to the stages.  
  
-Always in the changing lodge, like the other boys, I think. I answer.  
  
-Do you hear the fans' cheering, Paul? I can't wait to go on stage !!** **Oliver exclaims as he leaves the room.  
**  
  
Once everyone is grouped outside the changing rooms, we get together with our manager who jokes with us to calm the situation.  
  
  
 **-Mika, keep your eyes on Till so that you don't run away. He says to the singer then to her friend. And you Fleure, on Oliver...  
  
-And what about me? I ask in a sarcastic tone. Emil didn't even come to wish me good luck.  
  
-Stop stressing for nothing, girls. Says Lindemann, hugging his girlfriend in his arms.** **It's a simple concert and most of the time, the crowd is not enlightened.  
**  
  
We climb on the big stage and take our positions. I find myself on an iron platform hanging with chains in the sky, back to back with Kruspe. In front of us, Gabriella is with Paul. The other girls are in their positions and the concert will soon begin.  
  
  
 **-Don't move too much otherwise you'll fall. My uncle throws at me sarcastically.  
  
-It's not you who's suffering from vertigo I'm telling you!** **I throw back, avoiding looking down.  
**  
  
I look at the count-down's opposite direction, which is displayed to the public on the great black curtain that hides us then hear "good luck, my angel" whispered by my second father. When the numbers arrive at the symbol, the curtain falls and goes down.  
  
  
 **-Jim, stay calm... Take a deep breath and don't look down.** **I keep repeating to myself.  
**  
  
The first song is for Rammstein, Chris starts playing on the Keyboard and the guitarists and Doom follow him directly after. Till makes a grandiose scene and his hat ends up exploding in the sky...  
  
  
 _Hier kommt die Sonne, das alte Leid  
Der Meister singt: "Seid Ihr bereit?"  
Mein Herz brennt, Feuer frei, Asche zu Asche  
Bestrafer sein, Liebe ist für alle da  
Bück Dich, Amerika  
Ich tu Dir weh, Stein um Stein  
_ _Gott weiß, ich will kein Engel sein  
_  
  
The crowd begins to shout and cheer with rock and head-banging's great gestures. I look at them with admiration then look at my girl friends who are standing on stage watching the fans, too.  
  
  
 _Auferstanden aus Ruinen  
Glück für Menschen und Maschinen  
Eilt herbei von fern und nah  
Wir sind wieder da!  
  
_ _Ja - Nein - Rammstein  
_  
 _  
_ _Weisses Fleisch in der Dunkelheit  
Du riechst so gut, Herzeleid  
Wo bist du? Stirb nicht vor mir  
Führe mich: Links 2-3-4  
Du hast keine Lust  
Zwei Herzen unter meiner Brust  
Reise, Reise in mein Land  
Bett in Flammen im Wasser verbrannt  
  
  
Hallo, Hallo - Könnt Ihr uns hören?  
Wir wollen die Ruhe stören  
Es beginnt  
_ _Eine Melodie im Wind  
_  
  
When the song ends, Till picks up the microphone and introduces us to the enthusiastic crowd, with a big smile on his face.  
  
  
 **-Ladies and Gentlemen... please welcome with us the Ramm-Girls and their leader Michaela Sheppard !!  
**  
  
The fans shout our name whistling and cheering us. I feel proud to be part of this great group, I am glad to have met this girls during a Rammstein concert like this one.  
  
  
 **-Don't touch her, she's mine. He adds, making the fans laugh.** **And it's the same for the others...  
  
**  
The second song, _Du Riescht So Gut_ begins and I take Richard's place while May takes Oliver's. Then _Reise, Reise_ follows and it's Nadia and Mika who replace Schneider and Till.  
  
  
 **-Send Lindemann on the boat !! Shouts Flake from his Keyboardist place.  
  
-Well said, Flocka !!** **Starts Doom, laughing like crazy.  
**  
  
During _Mann Gegen Mann_ , the madness begins. I notice Richard turning around his lover, so I make sure to keep them away from each other, so they don't do stupid things on stage. It's really hilarious to see each one at the end of the stage sharing warm looks.  
  
 **  
** **-Keep Paul away from Richard. I throw to Gabriella who dances next to me.  
  
-You want to avoid a catastrophe on stage?** **She laughs.  
**  
  
It is _Halleluja_ then _Stripped_ that follow, and that's another change of the rotating team that comes. I had always wanted to see Rammstein playing _Halleluja_ on stage and voila, I even participate with the boys.  
  
  
The last song before the break starts normally. But after a while, the singer's microphone stops and he doesn't find others. Furious, Till throws it in the direction of the fans who catch it, happy. But we don't stress at all and continue to play our roles.  
  
  
But what makes us smile and not turn the song in boos, is the crowd that begins to sing the choruses of _Sonne_ in chorus while shouting and jumping. I'll say it and repeat it without being ashamed, the Rammstein fans are the best fans of all time.  
  
  
After the end of the wrestling's first round (As Landers had the fun to name it), we retire in Back-Stage for a small break of at least 15 minutes before coming back...  
  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	51. Heirate Mich!! Heirate Uns!!

After a quarter of an hour's rest, we return to our places. Till is wearing a brown-colored taliban djellaba (burnous) and a taqia (hat), he sings _zerstorn_. At the end of the song, the lead-singer opens the burnous and shows a suicidal vest that begins to explode. All this leaves the spectators shocked.  
  
 **  
** **-Very good the Taliban shot, Till. I throw to him, turning around him. They didn't expect it.  
  
-The newspapers will publish it tomorrow on the first pages.** **Pleasants Schneider, behind me.  
**  
  
During _Du Hast_ , I take the lead-guitarist's place, Mika of singer and Gabriella of second-guitarist. It amuses me to hear the crowd repeating the song's first lyrics in chorus with us, and my trouble to face them disappears alone.  
  
 ** _  
_** ** _-Du... Du Hast... Du Hast mich...  
_**  
  
Then _Haifisch, Engel and Wilder Weine_ follow. We do our best to ensure that the songs are in the top of everything. And during the 15 minutes of the songs, we change positions several times.  
  
  
During _Moskau_ , I dance with my father and Paul the "Flake-Dance". It's very funny to dance with them and encourage the fans to sing with us the words in Russian. Then _Laichzeit_ follows and Till makes his till-hammer and amuses the crowd.  
  
  
When the song before the last arrives, all the material suddenly stops. I think it's a power failure and the technicians don't know what to do to repair it.  
  
  
 **-Not worth panicking, guys. Lances Kruspe, removing his electric guitar.  
  
-We'll play with the simple guitars, Reesh? Asks his boyfriend.  
  
-And what am I going to do? Schneider asks. I don't have my battery anymore...  
  
** **-You'll take a simple drum... Pleasants Nadia.  
**  
  
We advance towards the front of the stage and we take place on the edge. Technicians bring us the normal material and we start playing the song while Till remains not found. I really don't know where he is.  
  
  
When the lights come back, I look behind me and discover Till in a black tuxedo. He is super sexy in this outfit that suits him perfectly. He looks at his girlfriend and then smiles tenderly at her.  
  
  
 _Mann sieht um die Kirche schleichen  
Seit einem Jahr ist er allein  
Die Trauer nahm ihm alle Sinne  
Schlaft jede Nacht bei ihrem Stein  
  
Dort bei den Glocken schlaft ein Stein  
Und ich alleine kann ihn lesen  
Und auf dem Zaun der rote Hahn  
Ist seiner Zeit dein Herz gewesen  
  
Die Furcht auf diesen Zaun gespießt  
Geh ich nun graben jede Nacht  
Zu sehen was noch übrig ist  
_ _Von dem Gesicht das mir gelacht  
_  
  
The question I am asking myself right now is: "Why is he singing this song right now? "But I have no answer. We quickly go back to our positions but the girls don't replace the guys.  
  
  
 _Dort bei den Glocken verbring ich die Nacht  
Dort zwischen Schnecken ein einsames Tier  
Tagsüber laff ich der Nacht hinterher  
Zum zweitenmal entkommst du mir  
  
Heirate mich  
  
Mit meinen Händen grab ich tief  
Zu finden was ich so vermisst  
Und als der Mond im schönsten Kleid  
Hab deinen kalten Mund geküsst  
  
Ich nehm dich zärtlich in den Arm  
Doch deine Top reißt wie Paper  
Und Teile fallen von dir ab  
Zum zweitenmal entkommst du mir  
  
_ _Heirate mich_  
  
  
  
Till continues to sing, staring at his girlfriend Michaela. Then, with a gesture of the head, gives an order to the technicians who execute it and let fall sequins on us. At the end of the song, Lindemann comes to kneel in front of Mika and Oliver does the same with Fleur. I feel my heart leaping in my chest.  
  
  
 **-Mika Sheppard, I met you 5 months before, during my hospitalization... Begins Lindemann.** **I had known that we were made for each other at first sight... after that, your friend Jimaima Lorenz had given me the chance to ask you to date me during Christmas...  
**  
  
He stops talking and gives a sign to his friend Oliver to continue.  
  
 **  
** **-Fleur Dubois... my flower to me, I saw you when you came to see your friend Jim here in Germany. Says the bassist.** **And I made escapades, only to see you every weekend...  
**  
  
And together, they take out two ring cases and hand them in front of the two girls.  
  
  
 **-Mika and Fleure... will you accept to marry us?** **Ask Ollie and Till.  
**  
  
The girls start shouting enthusiastically and then accept while jumping with joy. I find it a very cute way to ask someone in marriage, in front of everyone.  
  
  
 **-Jimaima Lorenz... are you jealous? Screams suddenly a guy's voice.  
  
-Gabriella Rodriguez, I think you're not gonna kill me for that.  
  
** **-Mayume-Rin, where are you my sweetheart?  
**  
  
Mayume ?! But from where comes out this name that I, myself, don't know, and had never heard of. Well, unimportant... maybe it's her real first name.  
  
 **  
** **-Nadia, don't think I've forgotten my love.  
**  
  
Four guys enter on stage and come to us with a gentlemen's gesture. Arriving in front of us, they kneel and ask us in marriage.  
  
  
 **-Yes !!** **I shout with enthusiasm.  
**  
  
I think this is the best day of my life. I kiss my fiance languidly, not really caring about the crowd that's applauding and cheering us. I release Emil and hug Paul in my arms to thank him for giving me this boyfriend.  
  
  
 **-What about me, Schneidy? Asks a girl's voice.** **You forget to ask me in marriage?  
**  
  
This is Khira Lindemann on live who comes on stage to ask her drummer in marriage in her own way. Emil squeezes me a little against him and then whispers in my ear that we must leave towards the back-stages.  
  
  
We greet the fans one last time then we quit to get out of the small stairs down the stage. I embrace my future husband once again on the cheeks and then turn to the other couples who have just joined us.  
  
  
 **-It's not fair. Shouts my father-in-law, sulking.** **No one asked me to marry him...  
**  
  
Richard gives him an amused smile and then kneels before him and pulls out a ring case from his pocket and opens it.  
  
 **  
** **-I didn't want to do it on stage to avoid the journalists... He starts.** **But will you accept to become my other half?  
**  
  
Landers begins to jump with joy and then accepts. He makes him stand up and goes in a long and exciting kiss.  
  
  
 **-Find a room !! Shouts Gordon, embarrassed. I don't want to see myself kissing a man, who is in addition Paul Landers.  
  
** **-Stop being dramatic, Gordon... Tells Till then adds: The fans with the VIP tickets will soon arrive, be ready to welcome them.  
**  
  
We change our clothes in the rooms and we are ready to see our fans. I feel very excited to be in the same position as Rammstein.  
  
  
 **-They arrived !! Cries Paul enthusiastically, but he makes himself eat leaves by Richard.  
  
-Till... Says the singer to her fiancé. You know I'm too jealous.  
  
-Don't worry honey. He replied.** **I have eyes only for you...  
**  
  
After hours of chatting with the fans and signing their autographs, we finally leave the concert's place to go to celebrate with Till. Everyone is pleased with the success they have made.  
  
  
 **-I want to tell you something... Khira begins, nervously.  
**  
  
We all turn to her and the discussions' noise stops directly.  
  
  
 **-Richard... She starts, staring at her father. You'll soon become grandpa.  
  
-What ?? The smoker and the drummer exclaim at the same time.  
  
-Yay !! A mini-Schneider !!** **We shout on our side.  
**  
  
Richard seems confused and Schneider up to angels. I really don't know what is going on with them both.  
  
  
 **-Khira Li, how dare you? Asks Richard, vexed. I am too young to become a grandfather !!  
  
-Come on, _schatz_. Begins his fiance. ****You are already grandfather from my side...  
**  
  
The lead guitarist shakes his shoulders then pours himself a cup of champagne and raises it in the sky, in front of us.  
  
  
 **-Let's drink for the nuptials that will follow, and for my grandson.** **He says, clinking.  
**  
  
  
 __ **to be continued...**


	52. Something red...

I stand in front of the mirror and look at my outfit, Maria next to me. She adjusts the veil on my hair and then wipes her tears with the back of her sleeve.  
  
  
Today is the day long awaited for two months, the day when we'll all marry in an intimate ceremony that will include only the family. My half-sister Annie will also get engaged with Erni.  
  
  
 **-Stop crying, _mamma_. I say, wiping her cheeks. Or I'll cry too.  
  
-Tears of joy, my daughter. She says; smiling.** **I am very happy...  
**  
  
My mother places Anaisse's barrette in my hair then turns and looks at the twins who are playing in their garden, on the carpet next to us. They are dressed in a white dress for Yvonne, and a three-pieces costume for Gabriel.  
  
  
My dress is not white, as in customs, but rather Gothic. It's the idea of my father Richard to break the traditions, and so we accepted.  
  
  
 **-Are you ready, girls?** **Asks my _vater_ as he enters the room.  
**  
  
I look at him and wave to him to come to us. He is very amusing and charming at the same time, with his pink hair, which Lindemann had made to him. I remember this funny incident very well.  
  
  
~ FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
 **-Something old, borrowed and red... Said Mayume, crunching an apple.  
**  
  
We are all six at home to choose the wedding dresses. The girls are browsing magazines looking for wedding outfits from their native countries.  
  
  
 **-I almost have them, I miss an old thing. Comments Till's fiancée.  
  
-And I don't have the red thing to add. I exclaim in my turn. I will paint my hair maybe.  
  
-I think I have what you need, Jim.** **Exclaims my father-in-law.  
**  
  
Paul enters the living room and I can see that he changed his hair color and it became blond. And at the same time, I see that someone is behind him. He puts himself on the side and lets us see my father...  
  
  
 **-Who did that to you, Flake? I exclaim, eyes bulging.  
  
-It was a stupid bet of Till to add blond to his red-haired painting. Announces Michaela. And here's the result...  
  
-I saw you with all possible colors but not in pink. I say with a smile. This color suits you perfectly.  
  
-Stop lying, he looks awfully like Ariel Landers.** **Pleasants Nadia.  
**  
  
I cast a murderous black look at her and then turn to my daddy and assure him that the color suits him well, and no need to worry.  
  
  
 **-It's true ?! He says, biting his lower lip.** **Thank you...  
**  
  
~ END OF FLASH BACK ~  
  
  
Maria helps my dad adjust his costume and then we go out of the room together. I do my best not to get my feet in my dress, too long to my taste, getting down the steps. When we reach the garden, where the wedding will take place, we find the mayor waiting.  
  
  
 **-You're wonderful, darling. Murmurs Emil, taking me from Flake's arms.  
  
-My daughter is always beautiful, Reinke. T** **eases my mother.  
**  
  
I smile tenderly at him and then encircle his arm with my hand and go to the large table where the others are sitting. It's not a religious marriage, because most people who are going to marry are not believers.  
  
  
Everything happens quickly and I sign on the book to become officially Mrs. Landers, the wife of the famous actor Emil Reinke Landers.  
  
 **  
** **-Congratulations to all of you !! Emu tells us when the last one signs on the register.  
  
-What about going to celebrate it in the Great Hall now? Proposes Oliver, squeezing his wife against him.  
  
-The guests are there waiting for you. Says Merlin from his side.  
  
-Too hurried to dance, Besson?** **I say to my heart brother, striking his arm.  
**  
  
This one pulls his tongue then catches his girlfriend by the waist and they leave towards the interior of the Lindemann manor. We all follow them to the ballroom and I notice that most of the rock stars are here.  
  
  
 **-Marge is dating Dero Goi from "Oomph"? I ask my husband, show the woman with my chin.  
  
** **-I think it's a yes. Besides, he looks very much like Richard.  
**  
  
The atmosphere is in motion and the music always sings from the stereo. I watch the guests dance in the room, looking for a familiar person and my gaze stops at someone I recognize directly. He is with my big brother and the singer of _Blutengel_.  
  
  
 **-Zoran, I'm glad you came, I say happily as I walk over to him.  
  
** **-Jimaima, I'm glad to see you again after all this time. He says with joy in his voice. You are always beautiful...  
  
-I am here, I must point out. Says Emil with a jealous air.  
  
-Don't be jealous, darling. I says, patting his arm. Zoran is only a friend, rather my best adult friend.  
  
-Will you grant me this dance, Mrs. Landers?** **Asks the director.  
**  
  
I accept his proposal and grab his hand to go dancing, leaving my husband with Chris Pohl and my cousin Dany. We turn in the middle of the track, letting the music drag us along with it until it stops suddenly.  
  
  
 **-Who left this shit entering?** **Shouts Till's voice, suddenly.  
**  
  
Zoran frees me and we both look at the shout's source. There, standing in front of the big door, is a very old man who can be 60 or more. I don't think that he's welcome at all.  
  
  
 **-** ** _Scheiße_... What's he doing here? Bihac says in an acid tone.  
  
-Who's he? I ask as I watch the old man entering. It seems like a familiar person.  
  
** **-Moy Hausmann, Richard's stepfather... Answers my friend, clenching his teeth.  
**  
  
A terrible urge to cut him with my bare hands suddenly overwhelms me. This dirty coward had destroyed my other father's life, when he was only an innocent boy. He had raped him several times and treated him like a puppy.  
  
  
 **-Look at yourself, child! Screams Moy, drunk. You didn't dare invite your father...  
  
-Let someone take him out of here, or I will tear him with my bare hands. Dero exclaims.  
  
-Who are you? His new girlfriend? Asks Moy.** **I heard that Zven prefers guys like you.  
**  
  
The bodyguards arrive and try their chance to get him out of the room, but he stays here to scream like crazy and pretends to see his step-son. When he finally shows himself, we discover that a bad gift is awaiting him.  
  
  
 **-I've got this for you, coward.** **Spits Hausmann throwing a wooden box on my father.  
**  
  
Kruspe opens it cautiously, but when he looks inside, he bursts into tears and collapses on the ground. He seems really traumatized by what he found inside.  
  
  
 **-Richard !! I scream while I run to him. Damn, what have you done to him?  
  
** **-It's only a little childhood memory, my dear. Replies the stepfather.  
**  
  
I get closer to the box and look inside to find an old leaf. I pull it, without worrying about the others who are looking at us without coming closer, and discover that it's stained with blood...  
  
  
 **-Dirty fucking coward. I weep, advancing dangerously towards Moy.** **You dared spoil his marriage.  
**  
  
Before the guards, who are surrounding him, intervene I stick my fist in his face and make him fall and kick him in his family jewels. I always wanted to do it to this idiot, and it does me good to hit him.  
  
  
 **-This will teach you a lesson... I spit on him and turn around to leave.  
**  
  
A few steps from the man then I hear the whistle of a bullet shot from a pistol. Unfortunately, it's destined for me... I have always been told never to turn my back on my worst enemy, and this is what I just did...  
  
  
 **-Call an ambulance.** **I hear Schneider screaming to the bodyguards.  
**  
  
I fall back, holding my stomach which is bloody. My life begins to pass in front of my eyes but I fight against death and don't let it come to take me. My life can't end like this, about a death caused by a psychopath...  
  
  
 **-Jim, don't worry... the ambulance will arrive.** **Dany reassures me, placing both hands on the wound.  
**  
  
I cling to my brother's arm and try to reassure him that I'm fine but the words refuse to come out of my mouth. All the guests around me seem to swarm in every direction...  
  
  
 **-Jimaima Lorenz, leave everything and join us... Whispers a voice.  
**  
  
This voice... seems to come from beyond. It seems like that of Anaisse, my mother, who wishes to take me back to her. I faint immediately and lose consciousness...  
  
  
 **-No, I have to stay for Emil, for my father and for the twins.  
**  
  
I wake with a start and what faces me is a blinding white light. I close my eyes to chase this feeling and wonder where I am. An unremitting sound beep answers my question.  
  
  
 **-Shit!! I don't like hospitals !! I say to myself.  
  
-Lord... She just woke up !! Exclaims a woman's voice.** **Marge, stay with her I'll call the doctor.  
**  
  
I open my eyes again and stare at the Emigrate's bassist who smiles at me and wipes away her tears. I open my mouth to talk to her but the doctor who enters my room, followed by a nurse interrupts me.  
  
  
 **-You can wait outside, madame. He says to Margaux. I will examine her.  
  
-Don't worry, Jimaima, I'll be right next door.** **Reassures Bossieux.  
**  
  
I remain mute and let the doctor do his scanners on me. When he finishes, I ask him the question that burns my tongue.  
  
  
 **-How long have I been here? I ask, interested.  
  
** **-Two weeks... Answers the doctor, then adds to his companion: Ask to prepare a room to Mrs. Landers.  
**  
  
I sigh, then rest my head on the cushion and wait to be taken to the other room. And the nurses are not long in coming.  
  
  
 **-What did you have in mind, Jimaima Lorenz? Says Emil as he enters the room, followed by his fathers.  
  
-I don't want someone to hurt a member of my family. I answer. And I will start again if necessary.  
  
-All this for me? Asks Richard. You really don't think before you attack.  
  
-I know what Moy had done to you. I throw to him. And that had put me in a crazy rage.  
  
-It's a past. Says Paul, hugging his lover in his arms.** **And this bastard will pay for it.  
**  
  
Maria enters the room holding Yvonne in her arms and gets followed by my father who holds Gaby and then by Marge. Lorenz comes to me and gives me a soft strain on my head, calling me a stupid little girl.  
  
  
 **-I also love you, Chris.** **I say sarcastically to my father.  
**  
  
I stretch out my arms so that he deposits my baby that I squeeze instinctively against me and then ask to be given my daughter too.  
  
  
 **-You're calm now, Reinke? Pleasants Margaux against my husband.  
  
-Why ? What happened? I ask, anxious.  
  
-My son had almost killed Moy. Answers the smoker.** **He had thrown himself on him after he shot on you, it was Dero and Flux who kept him back.  
**  
  
I really don't know if I must be gaping or laughing for what my _Schatz_ did. Before finding an answer, Chris starts talking.  
  
  
 **-Till insists on the trip to the Caribbean islands... to bury the wedding incident.  
  
-I hadn't been told about this trip. I say with a sudden interest.  
  
** **-You didn't know because you were in coma... for two weeks.  
**  
  
Richard tells me about the idea that Lindemann had about the trip, we will all be in bungalows next to the sea. It sounds exciting and a good idea for our honeymoon...  
  
  
 **-Well, we have to go... We leave you with your husband.** **Richard says as he the trains others with him.  
**  
  
When we remain alone, Emil comes to me and then hugs me in a long embrace. I feel something wet on the shoulder and discover that it is my husband's tars.  
  
  
 **-Never worry me like this again. He asks.  
  
-Never Emilchen ever.** **I say, stroking his hair.  
**  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	53. Exotic vacations

**\- Plan changed at last minute. Announces Paul.  
  
-Dero has just proposed to take us on a trip on his yacht. Adds Richard. Just his couple, you and us in addition to the Lindemann.  
  
-We'll come right away !!** **I exclaim with joy.  
**  
  
I quickly pick up the suitcases that are not open and then take them out. Now I have to get the nurse and my children back. I go to her room next to our and knock on the door. When she opens, I tell her about the situation and tells her that she will come with us.  
  
  
 **-Dero is waiting for you !! Shouts Till from his bungalow. Make it quick or you will not go for a trip with us.  
  
-Just a minute. My husband replies.** **I'll bring back our bags and those of the twins.  
**  
  
Once on the yacht, I see Dero Goi coming towards us, with Margaux his new girlfriend, to welcome us. He makes a brace to the boys and a kiss for us girls. He's really polite like the 18th century kind.  
  
  
 **-Welcome aboard my boat damsels.** **He says with a seductive smile.  
**  
  
The singer makes a hand gesture towards a place, which I don't understand. To my surprise, I see butlers in suits coming to take us to our rooms. Our number is 06, and that of the nurse is right next to it.  
  
  
There are 06 rooms in total and our is the last. When our butler opens the door, I remain amazed at the splendor.  
  
  
 **-This room is simply beautiful.** **I comment, looking inside.  
**  
  
This is not a lie, the room is really pretty with its simple decoration. It contains a wardrobe, a small table in sandalwood, a plasma TV and also a bed in addition to the sofa.  
  
  
 **-This suite is just a piece of the yacht, madam. Says the man in black. We invite you to visit the whole boat.  
  
-Thank you very much. I says politely.** **You can dispose now.  
**  
  
I quickly put the clothes of the two suitcases in the closet and then retrieve my twins in their strollers. I give a full rest day to _Katja_ and let her enjoy the holidays too.  
  
  
I go up from the rooms' floor to the one where the pool is. To my surprise, I find that Till and his friends already took the pool as a hostage. While the girls are lying on the large chairs, chatting.  
  
  
 **-We're already rushing into the water, Lindemann? I ask, sarcastically.  
  
-I'm not alone here. Exclaims the singer. Don't you see the others, or do you pretend to not seeing them?  
  
-Will you join us, Jim? Richard asks me.** **Even the twins will love it.  
**  
  
Bathing doesn't tempt me at this time, all I want is to visit the yacht a little. Paul goes up from the water and I don't prevent myself from watching his body dripping with water, it is not a problem at all to reread him.  
  
  
 **-You'll leave them with me and the guys. He says, showing his grandchildren.  
  
-Keep an eye on them, Dad. I tell him.** **I will visit the place.  
**  
  
Paul makes me a chaste kiss on the lips, then acquiesces with a gesture of the head and takes Yve and Gab with him. I take advantage of this and start my walk.  
  
  
I start at the top level and discover nothing but the cockpit with the captain and his crew. I greet them and go downstairs and this time find a restaurant, a dining room, Jacuzzi in addition to kitchens.  
  
  
Without thinking more, I sneak into the kitchen and find a chef and other cooks; Three boys and two girls. I look around in amazement, when I feel someone standing next to me.  
  
 **  
** **-Welcome to the ship "Die Stern". Says the chef with an Italian accent.  
  
-Thank you. I answer and then add: Can I steal some fries?  
  
-Of course.** **Says the chief and then gives an order to one of his employees in Italian.  
**  
  
The Italian gives me a cone of fries and then I go out to return to my room and get changed. I put shorts, tank top and pitches then climb to enjoy the sun warmness with my friends.  
  
  
When the dinner's time arrives, we all head towards the restaurant and discover that the chef made us a feast that mainly consists of seafood. I serve myself a plate of rice and squid rings and then begin a discussion with the other rock band's singer.  
  
  
 **-The yacht is wonderful, since when do you own it? I ask him.  
  
-Since only five years. He answers. My friends got paid for villas and I choosed a yacht... I am a great lover of the sea.  
  
-What does it make to you to look oddly like Richard Z Kruspe? Pleasants Lindemann.  
  
-And who said he resembles him? Asks Michaela. They are totally different.  
  
-Fans mention it all the time in social networks. Answers Dero.** **But that doesn't bother me, on the contrary, it pleases me.  
**  
  
After the end of the dinner, the singer of "Oomph" invites us to dance. An invitation that I don't incline and find myself, in just ten minutes, dancing with Dero himself. While the other couples have switched partners.  
  
  
Three days pass quickly but we are always on the edge of the boat. It's night and we are, Emil, Richard and me, on the pool's floor staring at the stars, against the ledge. The others went to sleep or do things that concerns only them.  
  
  
 **-I think I'll buy a boat me too. Declares my husband, sipping his wine.  
  
-It will cost you a great fortune. Comments my other father, playing with his rings. Where will you get the money?  
  
-Half of Carter Corporation belongs to me. I say in my turn. My help will be useful.  
  
** **-Yes, I forgot that my wife is Gabriel Carter's adopted daughter.  
  
**  
A silence settles a few minutes and we stand here all three, contemplating the stars. Before I decide to break the ice.  
  
  
 **-What is tomorrow's program, Reesh? I ask my uncle.  
  
-Dero organizes a party just for us and there will be his other band friends.  
  
-Andreas Crap and Robert Flux ?! Says Emil with surprise. It's awesome.  
  
-Emil is in love !! I shout, striking his arm. But I don't share y'know...  
  
-Don't worry. He says encircling my waist with his arm.** **I don't intend to replace you with anyone else.  
**  
  
***  
  
  
 **-I also want to dive under water, Robert Flux !! Marge exclaims. Give me the suit right now.  
  
-Find another one, darling sister.** **Answers the bald, still in the water.  
**  
  
We are in a suite that directly overlooks the sea. I hadn't noticed it before but now I am sitting on the lounging chair under the umbrella reading an exciting book while the others are swimming.  
  
  
I lift my head from my book and glance briefly at them and then get back into my reading. They are very funny to fight about the diving suits. Irritated by the water that calls me, I get up and then take off my top before jumping directly.  
  
 **  
** **-Jimaima Landers, are you crazy, or what ?! Exclaims Andreas, beside whom I fall.  
  
-I want to swim too. I say, splashing him with water.** **And with or without a combination, I don't care.  
**  
  
We continue our game until late night, making us joined by the others... I really don't want this holiday to end, to be able to spend more time with my friends.  
  
  
This holiday, I would never forget it...  
  
  
  
 _ **to be continued...**_


	54. Epilogue: 10 years later...

_It has been 10 years since I live in Germany with my husband and our twins Yvonne and Gabriel. Much had happened in recent years, beginning with the birth of my nephew Orion, the marriage of my half-sister, and even the birth of the children of other couples.  
  
  
Till and Michaela had a boy named Masson. Ollie and Fleure have twins, Sebastian and Joseph. Khira had a daughter, Ruby. The mannequin also had a girl, Shannon. My two fathers had used a surrogate mother and they had twins; Raschelle and Patrick.  
  
  
As for my own parents, they didn't have any other children except the three of us. Oh yes... I never mentioned our third brother that we discovered three years ago. Flake really has the talent to put the girls pregnant and then leave them. But hey, our new one is called Gustav and is 17 years old at the moment, he looks very much like our father but he is the only one who doesn't wear glasses.  
  
  
Gordon invited us to dine with him at the manor. We finally get together because we had not seen each other for a long time, because of our occupations and the constant travels of others._ _And we're in the garden right now..._  
  
  
I raise my head of my tablet and look at my friends who are happily discussing. Till, Dero, Gordon, Paul, Oliver and Danael (Gordon's son, 20 years old) are making barbecue grills.  
  
 **  
** **-How's the job, Mika? Merlin asks the singer.  
  
-I'm working on our new album's last song right now.  
  
-So the rumors are true !? Exclaims Daniel, my half-brother. Are you going to make a fifth album?  
  
-She insisted too much on that. I answer from my corner. She wanted to beat Rammstein.  
  
-No body can beat Rammstein !! Till exclaims. Pointing the spatula towards us. Put that in your heads.  
  
-But my group beat yours. Pleasants Goi.** **You remember the last year's "ECHO AWARD"...  
**  
  
I get up from my chair and put my tablet on the table. I will go to check if the children haven't done too much damage, because I know very well that they are worse than a bunch of mosquitoes. At a detour, I meet two young lovebirds kissing with great love.  
  
  
 **-Richard's going to have a heart attack if he sees you.** **I exclaim.  
**  
  
The lovers release each other directly and Maxime turns towards me, red as a tomato of shame or embarrassment. She stammers a few words of apology but I don't listen to her.  
  
  
 **-Well... we are dating our charming cousin? I say with amusement.  
  
-Listen, that's not what you think. Starts the blonde.  
  
-Danael Kruspe... I thought you were helping others in the grill. I throw to him.  
  
-Jimaima... please don't say anything to the others. Begs the little blonde.  
  
-Don't worry, cross wood cross iron... if I lie I'll go to hell.** **I promise.  
**  
  
A ball misses us but it bumps against the window and makes a vase fall. I go directly to the children's group to know who launched it.  
  
  
 **-Ok, who did that?** **I ask, falsely furious.  
**  
  
All the fingers are pointing to the little Shannon but no one utters a single word, fearing of being punished. I think they are very terrified to say anything. The little girl lowers her head with shame and then begins to cry.  
  
  
 **-Pardon... I didn't do it intentionally. She says between two sobs. It's Sebastian's fault.  
  
-Hey don't cry... all is well, it's just a stupid vase. Throws Danael.  
  
-Unless daddy's going to be very angry. Masson says, trembling. He's gonna kill us all.  
  
-Stop, nobody's going to kill anyone and I'll put all this crap in order. Says Maxime, starting to clean.  
  
-Old sister said a swear !! Shouts Raschelle.** **I'll tell daddy.  
**  
  
I remain in admiration in front of these little very cute angels. They are very adorable to make anyone melt, especially the Kruspe twins who don't care badly about their positions in the family and play with their nephews.  
  
  
 **-We're going to play something else. Proposes Gabriel my son.  
  
-What are you suggesting, Einstein? Mocks Joseph. And please don't go back on the path of horror.  
  
** **-No, it will be better this time. Smiles his twin.  
**  
  
I can confess... I never imagined that going to my favorite's the meeting will change my life this much... that I will discover my true family. If Emil hadn't kidnapped me, in the first place, I will never cross him. But everything's in the destiny's hands that decides our life.  
  
  
 **-But what about the questions that leave you without sleep?** **I say to myself.  
**  
  
Many things remained unanswered for me. And I can start with Samantha's betrayal. I hate Benjamin Simmons with all my heart, not only because of it, but also because of his attempt to rape me a week before my kidnap.  
  
  
Why Emil Reinke Landers choosed me, the adoptive daughter of the head of the large Carter Corporation, and no one else. I think he keeps it in secret and will never tell me.  
  
  
 **-But also the memories that remain incomplete... Reminds my conscience.  
**  
  
After ten years, I finally recovered all my memories that I had lost after the shock. But there's one thing that I still can't remember... it's the rape. Despite this, I don't care if I lost this fragment because I don't want to remember it and kill Emil with my bare hands.  
  
 **  
** **-Always lost to the west, you.** **Wakes me up Nele's voice.  
**  
  
I look up at her and discover that I am sitting on the grass and playing with a twig. I get up and face the mother who carries her second baby in her arms.  
  
  
 **-Come on, everyone is waiting for you to have lunch. She says, walking near me.  
  
-I want to tell them something new. I declare, touching my belly.  
  
-What ?? Another mini-Landers?** **She says with surprise.  
**  
  
I nod my head gently and then start walking beside her. But before joining the others, I turn to the horizon and think of only one thing.  
  
  
 **"What if all of this was just a dream?"**  
  
  
  
 *****END*****


End file.
